My Identity Crisis

For the record, I've never been someone who has ever doubted the nature of her identity. And when I say identity, I mean something being related to gender. And with regards to gender, I've always been sure that I'm everything a girl is. That is, when I met this really amazing girl. Shit. Talk about gay.

Well, when I first saw her, there was nothing really. But I did want to talk to her. And when I got to, I thought she was realy interesting because she has this thorough opinion about everything. It was when I got to know her that I realized I might be heading into the road where gays, lesbians, bisexuals and deviant genders trod...When you talk about looking gay, I'm far from that because I dress like a girl, I walk like a girl (better that most girls in fact), I talk like a girl and I'm in love with Mr. Darcy...who is a man but is not real.

Well, for starters. She's different. SHe loves to be different. She sings, she dances, does the fucking moonwalk, writes serious deep bloody and pretty nasty stories, she speaks with conviction and she's probably the sweetest person I've ever known. She hates conventionalism, like I do. She's a perfect rockstar because she plays every fucking instrument you give her. She's into history and political science and she loves what's-his-name rodrigo. When you try to spell looks, she's beautiful, her eyes just drown you and her smile is perfect.

omigod. i really got it bad, don't i? shit. i absolutely do not have any bloody idea what to do? im sure im not gay but every time i see her, the world just falls around me and it makes me feel like an insane love-sick teenager. i always look for her when she's not around and i feel butterflies whenever she is and i feel like im falling in love with her. and the best part of all this is she's a bisexual. i've told my new friends about it and they said it's all just a phase. hmm, i bloodly hope they're right. because frankly, i don't think im cut out to be gay. im just way too girly to fall in love with my own sex.

well whatever. i just had to write it down.