my impossible (?) dream

im surprised im actually writing something in here. well, that's something i would call a miracle.

yesterday was different. i faced the computer whole day, waiting for the kat-tun concert i was downloading to finish. my mom was out. my sister was pretty out of it because she was up until 3'oclock in the morning. *sighs* yesterday was my last whole day in my house. today im going to have to leave again. bummer.

since there was nothing good to do, i just lied there on my bed and started to drift away in another daydream. we just finished the second season of Gokusen so we still had after-drools. kame and jin was soo hot that i suddenly remembered that one impossible dream:

BE A PORN STAR.

i know, i know. for someone who doesn't look the part, it's pretty impossible. but i believe in myself, that i can make myself look beautiful in the eyes of other people. i don't wanna be a pornstar because im a sex-maniac but because i think being able to do those things on tv speaks a lot about a person and how confident he/she is. i've never really been confident. i can talk to people but somewhere inside me, i know i think im not as good enough.

being physically beautiful is top priority if you want yourself sold. because people look at that first. and if you don't pass the first test, you fail the rest. that's why im trying really hard to loose weight. i've tried crash diet and it actually works. whatever. it was no use anyway because i gained them back over Christmas. tse.

oh and i vow, i will VOW, to go to Japan and make myself popular there.

okay, okay. *sighs* im sorry im not making any sense. my writer's block just got frickin worse. i just stare at the blank screen and wind up deleting every letter i write. sometimes it wears me off and gets me really depressed but i think ive gotten used to it. i don't know when i'll get my inspiration back but i feel that it will come soon. and when it does, the words'll just flow.