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Gained three pounds since last week.

I blame coffee and the nice old lady who knocks on our office door every 2:30 PM selling snacks that look too inviting to ignore. I usually buy two bananas, but they are dipped so generously in caramel that I might as well have bought two doughnuts. And it isn't only for the sake of eating that I indulge myself with an afternoon snack; it's mostly to ward off sleep—which took up a lot of my time at work last week. Thankfully, I was so well rested last weekend that I could probably stay up for one whole day.

Plus, I'm really broke (this doesn't stop me from eating though) from the theft last week and from that trip last weekend. It has me a little worried about that trip to Palawan. I'm thinking of pawning my class ring, but I honestly cringe at this idea. If all else fails, however, I guess I will have no choice.

I am currently in the state of pushing my lifestyle down a notch. No parties. No shopping. No movies. No pigging out in plush restaurants. No out-of-town trips. I realized that it feels strange and ironically enfeebling to stay in all day when you're so used to being out and about on Saturdays. It doesn't help either that on weekends I miss him very terribly. This will sound corny, but I truthfully feel more complete in his company. And my weekends, regardless whether they're awkward, silent, or generally confusing and painful (for my heart), are now irrevocably tied up to him, dependent on his invites and lack thereof. I've been so used to his company that I just can't enjoy being alone anymore. And it sucks because I don't like feeling lonely when I'm alone. Before we started going out on dates (I don't know what else you'd call being alone together for most of the day), when I'm at the mall and watching a movie by myself, I don't feel sad or pathetic; I feel independent and empowered. Now I feel aimless and deficient.


Going back to my considerable weight increase (considerable because it's not easy losing it again dammit), I am subscribing to Fr. Rex's homily last Sunday, at least those that I remember.

1. More walk, less ride.

Would do it willingly if the office is but a walking distance. Unfortunately, it's two-rides far, so I'm applying this advice on other circumstances. I love walking anyway, so shouldn't be hard.

2. More deeds, less words.

Hmn, I'm really more of a words kind of person, so I'm not sure how I'll go around this. Probably, shut the hell up when you don't need to speak. Or don't make promises (especially to yourself) that you won't fight for to keep.

3. More chewing, less eating.

This is good advice! See, according to this book I've read, taking twice the time to eat your food makes you full twice as fast. I'm a fast-eater, so I tend to eat more to get satisfied. I tried that this lunch. It's a little hard when you're feeling ravenous, but getting yourself distracted, for instance texting or watching TV, will help make you chew your food longer, and hence make you feel full sooner.

4. More prayers, less worries.

This one's my favorite. I felt really awful last Sunday missing church because I was feeling lazy. I've also noticed that my prayers aren't that solemn or long anymore. It's like I'm giving God words out of a template. Sometimes, I'm ashamed to admit, I just resort to "Our Father" or "Glory Be." I know it's not really wrong if you mean it, but God deserves more than a pre-made prayer. He deserves something personal and heartfelt. When I'm tired, my heart falls asleep before it can begin to open itself to prayer. But I'm always praying—when I talk to myself (to God, really), I guess that's some sort of prayer. And it does lessen your worries because you know that you don't have to face them by yourself.

Now I feel awful cursing. Oh but I guess I'm allowed to some degree of profanity.

Get your ass back to work, bitch!