ah shit

my life is beginning to get fucked up like hell. for one second i thought i could do these things and the next im stumbling out of control. im missing out a lot and i just had a failing mark in math which was surprise for me because i thought i understood what mr. pacayra was saying and when i solved the items, they seemed pretty solvable....i mean i can't even talk without people reprimanding me to shut up and the teachers suddenly have all these stupid shouting fits that they throw without a real reason. i mean students do not learn that way...the more they shout at us, the more stupid we become....i never wished nor hoped i would ever come near a point where i would hate school...because normallly...i do not spend a lot of time hating because i believe life is too fuckin short for that. we do not live by cursing but yes i fucking use all these fuckin profanities because its the only outlet i see...everything is starting to drain away...my inspiration is gone...i can't even write shit...im loosing everything that i have and people don't even see that. i try so fuckin hard to be someone that everyone will appreciate but now i realize that will be a waste of my time because people will always notice mistakes. im tired and im sick. and people don't even care. they tell me to be myself and when i do they tell me to change. the devil! and to think they tell you not to hate. because hate is such a strong word because hate is the devil...well i HATE the world...i hate the PEOPLE in it and I HATE myself....i used to be someone optimistic but i don;t think the world works that way...people die other people live...everything's just unfair...u can;t expect to be resilient anymore..people don't have that fuckin oppurtunity anymore...we gonna grab everything that's pushed up in our face....