The Beginning of the End

I don't want to think that the world will end this year. But if it's God's will, then so be it. I'm not very confident that I'll be one of the lucky people on judgment day, but 2011 was such a special year that I don't have that kind of fear that makes you want to be violently religious all of a sudden. I doubt religion can save me later, but my faith has always done miracles for me. And I believe in goodness and love and family. I've had these things and more. I have the best family in the world. I've done things that have made myself and the people who matter to me proud. I've been on a date. I can die happily anytime.

I can't begin to describe how special and wonderful this year's Christmas and New Year have been. I've never felt closer to my family in these past few weeks than ever before. I'm so in love with every one of them—my cousins and uncles and aunts and nieces and nephews. I'm more open to my mom and my stepdad. I've had pretty funny conversations over beer with my friends. Mishy even visited. 2011 was one of the best years in my life. And for this I'll be forever grateful.

But this post is my perfunctory New Year's resolution post. So I shan't dally no longer.

1. Never lie (if you can help it).
2. Often laugh.
3. Always love.

I doubt I'll get to keep number 1. I've already broken it in fact, thus the parenthetical element. I've always been a good liar, and I've gotten even better at it. It's just always been a part of me that it's practically impossible to get away. Because lying is what makes people listen to me. I tell them what they want to hear, and they almost all the time love me for it. I'm not really proud of it, but sometimes it helps. It helps me cope. So I will try NOT to lie if I can help it. If there's really no reason to say something that isn't true, then I'll shut up.

I love laughing. It's one of the things that remind you why life is beautiful.

I'm sure I'll keep number 3 until the world ends. Oh yes, pun intended. I guess the real point to number three is not just say I love people but more importantly show them. I'm also extending this resolution to myself. I need to get over my insecurities about being pretty. I need to give myself a chance to think and feel beautiful. I want to respect myself more because in the end, that's all I'm going to have.

People change, and the things that people want change. I change ever so easily that sometimes I'm confused about who I really am and what I really want. I guess I'll try and get along with the idea of constancy and that need to have and feel something familiar every day. I don't always have to change; sometimes I just have to make do with what I am for the moment. I realize this now.

Twenty-twelve, I pray you be good to me and everybody else. Whether or not you're the beginning of the end, we will welcome you with courage and prayer as you come and pass. Here's to another fruitful year! :-)