Parking Lots

Today is a Wednesday. The weather outside is fair except for the occasional gushes of wind. The lady who cooks lunch across the street made the bean soup differently; the taste was more pronounced than I would've usually liked.

I sat across a different group of medical students. Whereas yesterday's topic was heart muscles and metacarpals, today they talked about cars and parking lots.

Red faces everywhere. They've been drinking since 1 AM last night until lunchtime today. I found I'm starting to hate the smell of beer.

When emptiness stares at you in the face, you find that you can either fight it with words or silence. I try to make it go away with words, but writing demands solitude so I find myself retreating into silence. In either circumstance I am helpless before the void. I have decided to stop fighting it. Emptiness doesn't have to be antithetical to presence. On the contrary, it invites it. The emptier I feel, the more I desire to be filled. The more I desire Him. This desire sometimes makes me cry when I pray.

I want to go home. I don't want to be here on Valentines. I would rather be with my parents because they are the happiest people in the world, and their love makes me hope that I will have my share of that someday. And I miss my dog.