i woke up nice this morning. i don't know why, i just did.
the sun was warm when it hit my face. i didn't really like it because it hurt my eyes but it was alright. my cellphone rang 7:00 which i thought was too early so i thought maybe i'd re-watch cinderella 3 again, which i did...but only played my favorite scenes. oh and i am such a frickin genius. when i watched it for the first time, and heard the prince's voice for the first time, eric (from little mermaid) immediately crossed my mind. the thought pestered me so i looked it up on the internet. f***! i was F**king right! oh and i also think that cinderella's singing voice is the same as pocahontas'. i haven't looked it up yet but my instinct says im right and my instinct is rarely wrong. well anyway, i now take back the thing when and where i said that cinderella and snow white are insignificant fairytales. well i still think snow white is kind of stupid but i changed my mind about cinderella. you see, im not a really pessimistic person but i just don't think it's realistic that cinderella and snow white's princes fell in love with them with one frickin glance. i mean they're all basing it on physical beauty.. they don't even know who they really are until maybe they got married and stuff.
but cinderella 3 was different because it involved this really close interaction with her and the prince and this time, they really got to know each other. and for the first frickin time, cinderella had a pretty lovely plot to go through with. i simply and wonderfully done. and i fell insanely in love with the prince voice. it was so cute when he was like..."Ok...first blue birds and now mice"
well anyway, it's getting really hot in here so i better end this thing. well anyway, graduation's tomorrow. still not feeling it *sighs*
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
hunger!
im stuck yet again in the computer laboratory, making add layouts for our yearbook. it would have been okay if i ate something for breakfast but unfortunately, i didn't. crap! i am so fuggin hungry!
oh and by the way, today's our batch party. i haven't asked permission from my mom yet so im having second thoughts about going. i know she would understand but im really not in the party mood. and im just so giddy to have myself cleared. ugh! so much for being detained because of extra-curriculars. so unfair.
graduation's 2 days away but im not even feeling any thrill. it's like it would just be an ordinary day, like it wouldn't bear any significance at all, which it would because it IS graduation. what im excited about, instead, is the party we're having on the 31st. we're doing it on behalf of steffi, our good 'ol steffi.
*sighs* and aside from that, the reason why im writing this entry is because im practically bored. oh and i saw cinderalla iii last night! it was the BOMB!! i super super 100 gazillion times love it..haha i know im too old to be watching fairytales but i can't help it. i love them. i even watched snow white after. haha, i so hate her voice. well anyway, i had better stop here. i think im going to that party. im hungry anyways. YEs, yes and YES! I'm going there for food...haha *evil smirks*
oh and by the way, today's our batch party. i haven't asked permission from my mom yet so im having second thoughts about going. i know she would understand but im really not in the party mood. and im just so giddy to have myself cleared. ugh! so much for being detained because of extra-curriculars. so unfair.
graduation's 2 days away but im not even feeling any thrill. it's like it would just be an ordinary day, like it wouldn't bear any significance at all, which it would because it IS graduation. what im excited about, instead, is the party we're having on the 31st. we're doing it on behalf of steffi, our good 'ol steffi.
*sighs* and aside from that, the reason why im writing this entry is because im practically bored. oh and i saw cinderalla iii last night! it was the BOMB!! i super super 100 gazillion times love it..haha i know im too old to be watching fairytales but i can't help it. i love them. i even watched snow white after. haha, i so hate her voice. well anyway, i had better stop here. i think im going to that party. im hungry anyways. YEs, yes and YES! I'm going there for food...haha *evil smirks*
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Counting down our days...
...7.6.5.4.3.2.1. We're all counting down the days to graduation, the day where we can finally heave a really big sigh because we're free from all the hassles, the blues and the problems that is High-school. But no matter how ecstatic we might be, how happy we might seem, it is still undeniable that leaving LLCI would break a little piece of our hearts. After all, it's not easy accepting that the four beautiful years of being together will become a memory in no less than two weeks. But still, we can't help but count our days down...
We counted down the days since we were freshmen. Since the afternoon we recited "Money" in English class to the late afternoon practices for the Ifugao dance. we laughed with our friends until one of us could barely breathe. We told our crushes among ourselves, weaving small conspicuous blushes as we talk about waffy stuff. We brought our cameras and took pictures of ourselves while holding the broomsticks we used for cleaning our Area of Responsibility. We caught little green lizards and wielded them around to scare each other off. We held the children within us and slowly, together, we let them go.
We counted down the days when we were sophomores. When we got closer in Math class and eager to cut open a frog in Biology. When we couldn't care less about everybody else because we don't have anything to worry about. When we ate every afternoon and went home late talking. When all our days were carefree, when we wouldn't have to be insecured, when we started to realize we were growing up. When we did Ramayana and spent the whole night laughing and practicing. We had all the time in the world because either everything was too light or too heavy. We remember Palompon and our one-shot attempt to discover the world underneath. We also remember the time when we got really scared because it was getting dark and there was a coming storm. We started to encounter courage and responsibility and prepared to make it a part of who we are.
We counted down our Junior days. The time when we were all nervous during first meeting of Chemistry but found out that it was in fact a really fun subject. The time in Advisory class when Mr. Pacayra first told us about Prom and half of the class flipped. Everything got serious since then. We formed enmities between ourselves and found ways to renew our friendships. We fell in love almost everyday and asked our friends for advices. We kept our last-minute attitude and brought ourselves closer to our adviser. We stayed until midnight to build our ship and practice our speech. We screamed "Sail On" and together tasted victory. We allowed our pride to swell and quarreled with each other. But through it all, we still managed to laugh together. We practiced our cotillion and blushed when we held or when we were held. We imagined the perfect Prom and we planned it well. We got dressed in grandiose gowns and handsome suits and danced all night. We were so happy that we couldn't help but cry. We loathed our Junior days but we couldn't help but smile when we remember them. They were stressful and busy and insane and we love them and loathe them at the same time.
Eagerly, we counted our days down of being seniors. The time when all our jaws dropped when the heterogenous sectioning news came out. We made erroneous assumptions about how this was going to be the worst year of high-school. Funny how wrong yet right we were. We remember the afternoons we spent singing in the classroom, playing "truth or dare" in the grassy area and talking about how well our day went. We made groups that divided us and we talked about each other behind each other's backs. We made silly jokes and strangled each other. We drove each other crazy. We told each other our secrets and soaked ourselves in the rain. We played hide-and-seek and wrote stories. Together, we faced reality and decorated it with our dreams. We learned to understand each others' depth, accept each other's mistakes and hoped that nothing ever changes. We made pressumptions that caused us trouble and our tears fell together. We took each others' hand and assured that everything would turn out fine. We smiled together and asked each other to dance. We gave definition to friendship with colorful words. We opened our hearts to let everything sink in. We forced each other to believe this isn't the end but somehow we all know that it is. We all recognize the people we have become, the changes that have taken over us and the different pathways we know we have to travel apart. We'll all hold on to our insanity for a little while longer and when we're finally ready, we'll close our eyes together, smile and break free.
...7.6.5.4.3.2.1. We're all counting down the days to graduation, the day where we can all be glamourous in our togas with smiles that say "I finally made it happen". High-school has been a dream that we all believed in and have survived through. But after all the tears, the heartaches,the anger and the laughter, it's not necessary to count the days anymore. We'll all just have to live in it, savor it and treasure it as it still lasts.
We counted down the days since we were freshmen. Since the afternoon we recited "Money" in English class to the late afternoon practices for the Ifugao dance. we laughed with our friends until one of us could barely breathe. We told our crushes among ourselves, weaving small conspicuous blushes as we talk about waffy stuff. We brought our cameras and took pictures of ourselves while holding the broomsticks we used for cleaning our Area of Responsibility. We caught little green lizards and wielded them around to scare each other off. We held the children within us and slowly, together, we let them go.
We counted down the days when we were sophomores. When we got closer in Math class and eager to cut open a frog in Biology. When we couldn't care less about everybody else because we don't have anything to worry about. When we ate every afternoon and went home late talking. When all our days were carefree, when we wouldn't have to be insecured, when we started to realize we were growing up. When we did Ramayana and spent the whole night laughing and practicing. We had all the time in the world because either everything was too light or too heavy. We remember Palompon and our one-shot attempt to discover the world underneath. We also remember the time when we got really scared because it was getting dark and there was a coming storm. We started to encounter courage and responsibility and prepared to make it a part of who we are.
We counted down our Junior days. The time when we were all nervous during first meeting of Chemistry but found out that it was in fact a really fun subject. The time in Advisory class when Mr. Pacayra first told us about Prom and half of the class flipped. Everything got serious since then. We formed enmities between ourselves and found ways to renew our friendships. We fell in love almost everyday and asked our friends for advices. We kept our last-minute attitude and brought ourselves closer to our adviser. We stayed until midnight to build our ship and practice our speech. We screamed "Sail On" and together tasted victory. We allowed our pride to swell and quarreled with each other. But through it all, we still managed to laugh together. We practiced our cotillion and blushed when we held or when we were held. We imagined the perfect Prom and we planned it well. We got dressed in grandiose gowns and handsome suits and danced all night. We were so happy that we couldn't help but cry. We loathed our Junior days but we couldn't help but smile when we remember them. They were stressful and busy and insane and we love them and loathe them at the same time.
Eagerly, we counted our days down of being seniors. The time when all our jaws dropped when the heterogenous sectioning news came out. We made erroneous assumptions about how this was going to be the worst year of high-school. Funny how wrong yet right we were. We remember the afternoons we spent singing in the classroom, playing "truth or dare" in the grassy area and talking about how well our day went. We made groups that divided us and we talked about each other behind each other's backs. We made silly jokes and strangled each other. We drove each other crazy. We told each other our secrets and soaked ourselves in the rain. We played hide-and-seek and wrote stories. Together, we faced reality and decorated it with our dreams. We learned to understand each others' depth, accept each other's mistakes and hoped that nothing ever changes. We made pressumptions that caused us trouble and our tears fell together. We took each others' hand and assured that everything would turn out fine. We smiled together and asked each other to dance. We gave definition to friendship with colorful words. We opened our hearts to let everything sink in. We forced each other to believe this isn't the end but somehow we all know that it is. We all recognize the people we have become, the changes that have taken over us and the different pathways we know we have to travel apart. We'll all hold on to our insanity for a little while longer and when we're finally ready, we'll close our eyes together, smile and break free.
...7.6.5.4.3.2.1. We're all counting down the days to graduation, the day where we can all be glamourous in our togas with smiles that say "I finally made it happen". High-school has been a dream that we all believed in and have survived through. But after all the tears, the heartaches,the anger and the laughter, it's not necessary to count the days anymore. We'll all just have to live in it, savor it and treasure it as it still lasts.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
finally an update
yey! i updated! yeah i knows it's been ages since i last wrote here..but i did have this terrible writers' block which lasted for like 3 months. *sighs* i even missed writing about prom which by the way was so wonderful. everybody looked like royalty and everything happened smoothly. too bad it ended too soon. i also had not wrote about the morning after. it was great coz we went swimming at the pool. i was with people i didn't know whose company is fun. i was with phillip, sweet, danielle, kenan, mitchell, michael, giovanni, torn, lju and my sister. we had a lot of fun although i really couldn't consider us friends...yet.
well, anyway...why am i writing now? i don't know. maybe i miss "letting the words flow" im in the computer room right now, looking for mecha robots we could put at the back of the yearbook where all our names would be written and all. last night was kind of unfortunate too because all our files got deleted because of my stupid flash drive slash iPod slash dwelling place of brontok viruses. i almost cried because i blamed myself. i mean we were working on that for three days straight. we wewre going to print it yesterday afternoon but then the virus thing happened.
well i sort of have to stop now coz i got a lot of robot-hunting things to do. ja'ne.
well, anyway...why am i writing now? i don't know. maybe i miss "letting the words flow" im in the computer room right now, looking for mecha robots we could put at the back of the yearbook where all our names would be written and all. last night was kind of unfortunate too because all our files got deleted because of my stupid flash drive slash iPod slash dwelling place of brontok viruses. i almost cried because i blamed myself. i mean we were working on that for three days straight. we wewre going to print it yesterday afternoon but then the virus thing happened.
well i sort of have to stop now coz i got a lot of robot-hunting things to do. ja'ne.
Friday, January 19, 2007
sick and tired. literally.
i am so tired.
ive been awake since 3 am to finish the questions for game ka na ba. today's teachers' day so i have to give a little sacrifice for the success of the program. just yesterday, i had another reprimand yet again because of our stupid id. i would have done the job if there weren't other thing i was concerned about. this week was just too hectic for me. oh and i got sick. i have this fuckin cold right now and my clogged nose is just throwing me off my back. and i have this stupid sports article to write. well till this here coz i still have a shitload of stuff to do.
ive been awake since 3 am to finish the questions for game ka na ba. today's teachers' day so i have to give a little sacrifice for the success of the program. just yesterday, i had another reprimand yet again because of our stupid id. i would have done the job if there weren't other thing i was concerned about. this week was just too hectic for me. oh and i got sick. i have this fuckin cold right now and my clogged nose is just throwing me off my back. and i have this stupid sports article to write. well till this here coz i still have a shitload of stuff to do.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Princess Hours
Oh my God! I am totally in love with this koreanovela. and it's not because it's aired in abs-sbn...which i totally don't like. *chuckles* my cousin, erika bought a dvd and we watched it for two straight days. it's funny coz we would sleep at 5 am watching it and wake up at 8 to watch it again. boy was it LONG! but it was worth it because every scene was just breathtaking. wow.
the story started with the korean emperor making a pact with his trusted friend. they agreed that the prince (his grandson) would marry his friend's only grand-daughter. several years later, the unsuspecting crowned prince Xin and the unsuspecting grand-daughter Caijing meet after she accidentally spilled murky water over his white shoes. he gets angry and well that was their first meeting haha. they meet again when caijing accidentally heard xin proposing to his ballerina girlfriend xaolin but xaolin rejects him because according to her, ballet was the only thing she wanted to pursue. caijing got caught and was apprehended by the prince, not knowing she was actually his soon-to-be-wife. well personally, i think it was kind of funny to hear your fiance proposing to another woman. lolz anyway...
so when xin got home, his father told him about the agreement between his grandpa and the friend and that he was to be married with the friend's grand-daughter. xin's dad gave him a picture and imagine his shock when he found out the caijing was to be his wife. well it didn't really take him long to concede. same case for caijing so they got married. and this was the start of their funny and a little-bit-dramatic married life.
im not going to give spoilers. you'll just have to watch it yourself. oh and watch out for the honeymoon...nyahaha...it's the funniest scene EVER!! haha well anyway, princess hours really made my bleak days beautiful and i am just SO in love right now. and XIN is the handsomest korean EVER!!! I love him to death! LV was pretty handsome himself...but I love XIN! Xin Go! oh and i also love caijing. she's so cute. nyahaha! well, have to end it here. hope u get to watch princess hours. it's really wonderful. xoxoxo ^_~
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
the worst xmas party ever
christmas break has begun. and by christmas break, i mean days with absolutely nothing to do. in simpler terms...boredom. well, i don't mean christmas is boring...it's just that people like me don't have anything to do and having something to do is our life. well, yesterday it was budin's birthday so i bolted from my house so i would not meet with her hyperkinetic classmates. oh and last saturday was our christmas party. frankly, i hated it. i didn't enjoy it as much as i thought i would and it's the worst christmas party ive ever been to.
no offense to those who coordinated (well i am one of them), i just didn't like how everything turned out. our party just reflected how we can't settle our differences to work on a common goal and it's just sad because we spent like five hours debating over which theme we should incorporate: punk or western. from the very beginning, when i heard that they wanted to have punk as a theme, i felt the urge to throw this tantrum and slash their heads one by one. i mean, PUNK is NOT a theme in the first place. it's a genre of music which goths, rockers listen to. well today, of course we call those who listen or love punk as punks but still it's something abstract. so jaye asked everyone what their interpretation of punk was. no one answered except ME. fuck. i just wanted to curse right then and there. jaye then interrupted that for her punk was baggy jeans, bling-blings and pimpy jewels. the shit. i love her and i respect her opinion but i just can't let her mix punk with hip-hop. so i complained that what she was describing was something entirely different but they said i had no right because it was her opinion. so if i think that jaye was the ugliest girl in the planet then no one has the right to resent me because im entitled to my own opinion. but i think that's wrong because it's not an opinion anymore, it's a lie. if i say jaye is ugly but she's really beautiful, it wouldn't be fair for her. fuck those people! i hope they bite their asses off in hell!
gahh! i don't wanna go on talking how on the day of chirstmas party, those lowlifes who bashed me because i opposed to having punk as a theme wore NOTHING CLOSE to punk!! i just hate them! fuck the shit of them! i hope they burn in hell! they just ruined what i perceived to be the best christmas party of my high-school! how dare them speak about something they don't really know about? how dare them use punk when they don't really know what it means? *tugs hair* god! i wanna pull out all of their hairs! they are pieces of shit!
no offense to those who coordinated (well i am one of them), i just didn't like how everything turned out. our party just reflected how we can't settle our differences to work on a common goal and it's just sad because we spent like five hours debating over which theme we should incorporate: punk or western. from the very beginning, when i heard that they wanted to have punk as a theme, i felt the urge to throw this tantrum and slash their heads one by one. i mean, PUNK is NOT a theme in the first place. it's a genre of music which goths, rockers listen to. well today, of course we call those who listen or love punk as punks but still it's something abstract. so jaye asked everyone what their interpretation of punk was. no one answered except ME. fuck. i just wanted to curse right then and there. jaye then interrupted that for her punk was baggy jeans, bling-blings and pimpy jewels. the shit. i love her and i respect her opinion but i just can't let her mix punk with hip-hop. so i complained that what she was describing was something entirely different but they said i had no right because it was her opinion. so if i think that jaye was the ugliest girl in the planet then no one has the right to resent me because im entitled to my own opinion. but i think that's wrong because it's not an opinion anymore, it's a lie. if i say jaye is ugly but she's really beautiful, it wouldn't be fair for her. fuck those people! i hope they bite their asses off in hell!
gahh! i don't wanna go on talking how on the day of chirstmas party, those lowlifes who bashed me because i opposed to having punk as a theme wore NOTHING CLOSE to punk!! i just hate them! fuck the shit of them! i hope they burn in hell! they just ruined what i perceived to be the best christmas party of my high-school! how dare them speak about something they don't really know about? how dare them use punk when they don't really know what it means? *tugs hair* god! i wanna pull out all of their hairs! they are pieces of shit!
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
stay
"you say i only hear what i want to, i don't listen hard, don't pay attention to the distance that you're running to anyone, anywhere, don't understand if you really care im only hearing negative"
god i hate myself. i don't understand why it is so hard to get over him! i mean i spent a goddamn year just to stop myself from thinking and i thought i was over him but yesterday, his frickin hair ruined it all. *sighs* oh my god, he lookes so handsome with his hair pushed back and all that. i just couldn't help blushing when he starts talking to me and the way he touched my hair this morning...oh my god. im afraid im starting to fall again. i don't want to. im enjoying my life without worrying about crushy things...im sick and tired of that. it's always this feeling and then i get hurt again. it's so unfair. why can't i ever move on? it's like he's cursed to be forever engraved in my mind. and im cursed to never exist in his. i thought i could act normal but i guess i get tired of lying, too.
and now i can't walk pass him without getting butterflies because of his scent. the way i blush around him is entirely different than i do with other guys. it's like my whole body is in heat and right then and there i wanna tell him how i feel. but that will never happen because i vowed to myself i would only keep my feeling to myself. it's over. done. i don't want him to stay in my life and it's just weird how at the same time, i find myself missing him if he's not.
this chirstmas, all i want is freedom. absolute, real freedom. no strings, no regrets, just pure freedom. i wanna live my life alone, go through high-school without having to worry about crazy things boyfriends and girlfriends worry about. i wish to never fall in love again....that way....things remain bland and random...which is exactly why i exist.
god i hate myself. i don't understand why it is so hard to get over him! i mean i spent a goddamn year just to stop myself from thinking and i thought i was over him but yesterday, his frickin hair ruined it all. *sighs* oh my god, he lookes so handsome with his hair pushed back and all that. i just couldn't help blushing when he starts talking to me and the way he touched my hair this morning...oh my god. im afraid im starting to fall again. i don't want to. im enjoying my life without worrying about crushy things...im sick and tired of that. it's always this feeling and then i get hurt again. it's so unfair. why can't i ever move on? it's like he's cursed to be forever engraved in my mind. and im cursed to never exist in his. i thought i could act normal but i guess i get tired of lying, too.
and now i can't walk pass him without getting butterflies because of his scent. the way i blush around him is entirely different than i do with other guys. it's like my whole body is in heat and right then and there i wanna tell him how i feel. but that will never happen because i vowed to myself i would only keep my feeling to myself. it's over. done. i don't want him to stay in my life and it's just weird how at the same time, i find myself missing him if he's not.
this chirstmas, all i want is freedom. absolute, real freedom. no strings, no regrets, just pure freedom. i wanna live my life alone, go through high-school without having to worry about crazy things boyfriends and girlfriends worry about. i wish to never fall in love again....that way....things remain bland and random...which is exactly why i exist.
Friday, November 17, 2006
the truth about physics
im in the computer room right now because mr. quimilat asked us to do something well, particularly a research about monetary and fiscal policy but i've long finished so now i wanna write something about hmm...the biggest misconception in my life: PHYSICS.
if michelle had not commented on the post i wrote about her move in and there was something about physics there...i wouldn't have had the idea of writing about it. first of course when i still hadn't touched physics, i thought it was one boring subject, that it would constitute this very boring senior year. well, i had my own reasons of getting scared and those are because i've heard and witnessed the seniors before us get shouted at and reproached frequently by mr. q. and i didn't like the way the feeling it gave and led me to conclude that maybe physics is a scary subject and would probably prompt a lot of shouting fits. fits i do not and i hope will never substantiate themselves ever again. so during first day...i had no book but i did catch this glimpse on the others'. and believe me i didn't like what i read. with all those forces and motion and stuff..they all seemed pointless...and i didn't see any significance of learning them..
well that was before i met the real physics personally. i dunno but it just took me a couple of days to get hooked up. when i first read (in advance) about free fall and acceleration...just can't stop myself. it was all surreal but then i got to touch it and found it really addictive. so then on i started reading about force and friction and i borrowed physics books from the library. i enjoy the tests we had which i normally don't and i just enjoy the feeling of knowing that i understand what mr q is talking about. i loved the laws well especially the law of universal gravitation. i sort of developed a special fondness for it.
"Every object attracts another object with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them"
well anyway, im striving hard to get high grades in physics. im not that good but at least i know within me that i love what i learn and im not after those certificates anyway. i don't think those pieces of paper really matter..
if michelle had not commented on the post i wrote about her move in and there was something about physics there...i wouldn't have had the idea of writing about it. first of course when i still hadn't touched physics, i thought it was one boring subject, that it would constitute this very boring senior year. well, i had my own reasons of getting scared and those are because i've heard and witnessed the seniors before us get shouted at and reproached frequently by mr. q. and i didn't like the way the feeling it gave and led me to conclude that maybe physics is a scary subject and would probably prompt a lot of shouting fits. fits i do not and i hope will never substantiate themselves ever again. so during first day...i had no book but i did catch this glimpse on the others'. and believe me i didn't like what i read. with all those forces and motion and stuff..they all seemed pointless...and i didn't see any significance of learning them..
well that was before i met the real physics personally. i dunno but it just took me a couple of days to get hooked up. when i first read (in advance) about free fall and acceleration...just can't stop myself. it was all surreal but then i got to touch it and found it really addictive. so then on i started reading about force and friction and i borrowed physics books from the library. i enjoy the tests we had which i normally don't and i just enjoy the feeling of knowing that i understand what mr q is talking about. i loved the laws well especially the law of universal gravitation. i sort of developed a special fondness for it.
"Every object attracts another object with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them"
well anyway, im striving hard to get high grades in physics. im not that good but at least i know within me that i love what i learn and im not after those certificates anyway. i don't think those pieces of paper really matter..
the break-up
Well last night, I submitted myself to another reverie and the fact that I will never have anyone who will treat me special in High-school. It didn’t work well with Ezra because I know if he did feel something special towards me, it was no more and no less than friendship. Truth to be told, I got tired of clinging on to the hope that he might see me as something more than a friend and fortunately, I got over him in no less than three months. I realized this during Intramurals when he was playing soccer like he always does. Usually, during the times when I still had “feelings” for him, I would feel prickly all over whenever I see him run. But when I watched him that day, there was nothing. No pricks, no tingles, not even a rush of blood. And I felt myself smile because I’ve been hurting for two years already and it felt awfully good to break free from that pain.
The reason why I got over him all of a sudden is still something I’m trying to figure out myself. I don’t think it was our distance or the fact that we currently belong to different classrooms. Nor am I thinking that it was because I realized, which in fact I had, that he was better off with someone else like Frances who obviously has everyone nodding. In terms of beauty, I admit I stand no chance because she’s really beautiful. But when you speak about talent, I think we stand on the same grounds. So if it wasn’t those, what did make me forget him? Or who?
The only person I could look up to see whenever I ask that question to myself is the same person who I promised never to get attracted to. I don’t want to write down his name because I don’t like how I feel about him. For my part, I think it’s unfair that I fell for someone who will probably hurt me as much as the previous person did. Well, not really personally because I don’t think the guy’s capable of doing any harm to any girl. Or at least, that’s what I think of him.
Hmm...and here’s one shocker. Marie and Philippe broke up. Worse is they decided to split on the day of their monthsary. Well, personally I respect their move because it’s hard to keep track of each other’s feelings when you’re a thousand miles apart. But, I also think it was kind of rash. I know I do not have any right to say anything about their relationship because I’m just a mere witness. But as a close friend of them both, I think they shouldn’t end up like this. For Marie’s part, I know how she feels because I’ve also been through the whole waiting part. And I understand why she would set herself free. the rest is not my business so im not talkin about it...
The reason why I got over him all of a sudden is still something I’m trying to figure out myself. I don’t think it was our distance or the fact that we currently belong to different classrooms. Nor am I thinking that it was because I realized, which in fact I had, that he was better off with someone else like Frances who obviously has everyone nodding. In terms of beauty, I admit I stand no chance because she’s really beautiful. But when you speak about talent, I think we stand on the same grounds. So if it wasn’t those, what did make me forget him? Or who?
The only person I could look up to see whenever I ask that question to myself is the same person who I promised never to get attracted to. I don’t want to write down his name because I don’t like how I feel about him. For my part, I think it’s unfair that I fell for someone who will probably hurt me as much as the previous person did. Well, not really personally because I don’t think the guy’s capable of doing any harm to any girl. Or at least, that’s what I think of him.
Hmm...and here’s one shocker. Marie and Philippe broke up. Worse is they decided to split on the day of their monthsary. Well, personally I respect their move because it’s hard to keep track of each other’s feelings when you’re a thousand miles apart. But, I also think it was kind of rash. I know I do not have any right to say anything about their relationship because I’m just a mere witness. But as a close friend of them both, I think they shouldn’t end up like this. For Marie’s part, I know how she feels because I’ve also been through the whole waiting part. And I understand why she would set herself free. the rest is not my business so im not talkin about it...
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
a heartbreaking day
when i came home, i thought i would be able to write something about what i thought was needed to be written. but the moment my ass touched the swivel chair, the need suddenly vanished and i found myself at a loss for words, which i only do when my inspiration drains. and i guess now it's gone again. and to think i spent almost three months of regaining it only to loose in one frickin day. one thing i hate about other people is they make fun out of other people's feelings. they think it's funny but they don't know how much it hurts.
first, i am not a last-resort crush. it's like when all else fails, they turn to me. second, can nobody like me, like me just the way i am? do i have to get myself anorexia just to have someone like me? for me, i don't think it's fair. Third, I am not a FLIRT. i don't flirt and i don't like people flirting around other people. it's gross and disgusting. 4th, i know im a maniac but im not a pervert and never in my life have i ever considered having sex anywhere with anyone. and i don't think i'll do that untill i find someone i think who deserves to see the real me and until i reach the right age to do that. i admit ive seen a couple of hentai movies but i don't engage in any of the activities i saw them doing. and i don't do Ms...okay? i just watch to learn so that when i go to college, those city freaks won't have any reason to mess with me.
4th...i wanna die. im loosing my purpose to live and it's not becuase i know that if i wait for love, it would be in vain, it's because that my life is turning to be the one thing i hate the most: routinary and stereotype. for once i wanna wake up one morning to a whole new door of possibilities. for once, i wanna wake up not knowing what will happen next. i want spontaneity but all i get is structure. my life's all fucked up. it's so random. well, so am i...
first, i am not a last-resort crush. it's like when all else fails, they turn to me. second, can nobody like me, like me just the way i am? do i have to get myself anorexia just to have someone like me? for me, i don't think it's fair. Third, I am not a FLIRT. i don't flirt and i don't like people flirting around other people. it's gross and disgusting. 4th, i know im a maniac but im not a pervert and never in my life have i ever considered having sex anywhere with anyone. and i don't think i'll do that untill i find someone i think who deserves to see the real me and until i reach the right age to do that. i admit ive seen a couple of hentai movies but i don't engage in any of the activities i saw them doing. and i don't do Ms...okay? i just watch to learn so that when i go to college, those city freaks won't have any reason to mess with me.
4th...i wanna die. im loosing my purpose to live and it's not becuase i know that if i wait for love, it would be in vain, it's because that my life is turning to be the one thing i hate the most: routinary and stereotype. for once i wanna wake up one morning to a whole new door of possibilities. for once, i wanna wake up not knowing what will happen next. i want spontaneity but all i get is structure. my life's all fucked up. it's so random. well, so am i...
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
the flying kiss
we had our computer fixed today and im just so glad to have it back. truth to be told, im not really that psyched because im getting used with the laptop and i think it was more advantageous that the big one. nevertheless, im glad it got fixed already. problem is all my files got erased including everything i wrote. but it's okay...they're all saved in my head anyway.
today passed like any other. well, something special did happen. it was when mr. q blew me a very cute flying kiss. i just wanna jump outta happiness. first, i didn't think he was in a good mood that afternoon. second, he doesn't look approachable and third, i get really weak when im around him. surprisingly, i got in there, handed him the shirt and blurted, "sir, it's for you". my face was in heat, that i am sure of. but then he looked at me, gave this very invigorating smile and thanked me along with the cute flying kiss. *sighs* mr. q really is my favorite teacher. hmm...'till here...im not really in the writing mood right now but whatever. n_~
today passed like any other. well, something special did happen. it was when mr. q blew me a very cute flying kiss. i just wanna jump outta happiness. first, i didn't think he was in a good mood that afternoon. second, he doesn't look approachable and third, i get really weak when im around him. surprisingly, i got in there, handed him the shirt and blurted, "sir, it's for you". my face was in heat, that i am sure of. but then he looked at me, gave this very invigorating smile and thanked me along with the cute flying kiss. *sighs* mr. q really is my favorite teacher. hmm...'till here...im not really in the writing mood right now but whatever. n_~
Sunday, November 05, 2006
so many things, so little time
today, i had a lot of things to accomplish. Surprisingly, I had not done a single thing. The reasons may not be precise because if anything, it wouldn't be lack of inspiration because you can bet to the rocks that I am, if not flushed, overly-inspired.
the reason is that maybe i wanted to rest and not think of anything related to school, let alone actually do it. the idea of monday haunts me but at the same time thrills me. I miss my classmates, I miss being bored, I miss having the chills before Physics class. I miss school and yet I resent the idea of it. I know I sound crazy right now but it's the way I feel. Plus, I'm getting the hang of watching movies all day long. I watched three movies today. One aquamarine...well, I re-watched it because I think Jake McDorman is THE hottest lifeguard there. Two, my wife is a gangster. I didn't really want to watch it but Earl told me one time when we were eating in the mess hall that it was really good. Of course, I trust his judgement because we sort of have this same taste in movies...*winks* *winks* (hope u get the winking part...oh and the third one, Butterfly effect 2. the cover said it had bruce willis in it but i doubt it. i hadn't seen its prequel where it starred ashton kutcher. im not really fond of suspense films but ate len2 told me it was good so im giving it a try...
And oh it rained hard tonight. ah, how the rain smells good. it's actually a two-way ticket to a very good reverie and right now, I'm lost in my own thoughts again. I want to write when it rains because I feel like a true writer. I don't know why but the rain has this magic over me. It just gets me to my butt. I smile everytime the skies get dark. I know it's really weird of me since most people get annoyed if they don't see the sun. well, enough about the rain blabber. I must have wrote three entries about rain already. hehe..and still counting. well actually, if there is one thing that could inspire me the most, it would be the rain. never had i written anything fictional without the word "rain" in it. well, i gotta get to work..have to finish writing this stupid home reading report. if it wasn't for the crappy format, I would have been happy to write it anytime. since the format sucks, i am surprisingly suffering from the I-can't-write-a-single-letter syndrome. but i know myself. once i get to read sparknotes, the words will just come flowing down, like it always do. hmm...so till next time.
P.S. I saw Strike (my ex-crush) in mass today...he grew fatter but was still breathtakingly handsome. n_~
the reason is that maybe i wanted to rest and not think of anything related to school, let alone actually do it. the idea of monday haunts me but at the same time thrills me. I miss my classmates, I miss being bored, I miss having the chills before Physics class. I miss school and yet I resent the idea of it. I know I sound crazy right now but it's the way I feel. Plus, I'm getting the hang of watching movies all day long. I watched three movies today. One aquamarine...well, I re-watched it because I think Jake McDorman is THE hottest lifeguard there. Two, my wife is a gangster. I didn't really want to watch it but Earl told me one time when we were eating in the mess hall that it was really good. Of course, I trust his judgement because we sort of have this same taste in movies...*winks* *winks* (hope u get the winking part...oh and the third one, Butterfly effect 2. the cover said it had bruce willis in it but i doubt it. i hadn't seen its prequel where it starred ashton kutcher. im not really fond of suspense films but ate len2 told me it was good so im giving it a try...
And oh it rained hard tonight. ah, how the rain smells good. it's actually a two-way ticket to a very good reverie and right now, I'm lost in my own thoughts again. I want to write when it rains because I feel like a true writer. I don't know why but the rain has this magic over me. It just gets me to my butt. I smile everytime the skies get dark. I know it's really weird of me since most people get annoyed if they don't see the sun. well, enough about the rain blabber. I must have wrote three entries about rain already. hehe..and still counting. well actually, if there is one thing that could inspire me the most, it would be the rain. never had i written anything fictional without the word "rain" in it. well, i gotta get to work..have to finish writing this stupid home reading report. if it wasn't for the crappy format, I would have been happy to write it anytime. since the format sucks, i am surprisingly suffering from the I-can't-write-a-single-letter syndrome. but i know myself. once i get to read sparknotes, the words will just come flowing down, like it always do. hmm...so till next time.
P.S. I saw Strike (my ex-crush) in mass today...he grew fatter but was still breathtakingly handsome. n_~
Friday, November 03, 2006
in love and in pain
im in love again. that much is sure. but there are a lot of things, unheard of, that I'm not sure with. the first question that im boggled with is WHY. of course it's never a wonder because it's always the first w-question asked in every situation...but this time, my kind of why is different. it's not a question of why im in love, why now or why him but rather a question of why all of a sudden. maybe because i brought it upon myself because I want to be around him as much as possible. i wanna hear him laugh, feel his hand on my shoulder and see him everywhere i look. it's ridiculous because never in a million years would i imagine myself slowly falling for someone like him. And I wanna call him "Sun" because he lights up everything he touches. but all of a sudden, in a range of just days, boom! i keep thinking about him, i wanna see him, hug him, strangle him...everything. and what's more abusrd is that I fell for someone who I know in a thousand millenia would never ever see me as someone more than a friend. And so did I. In the first place, he was just like a big brother to me and I love being around him because he makes me laugh and I get the chance to make others laugh too. What i didn't realize is that with every moment that we share something embarrassing, something dirty like we always do, those friendly feelings are slowly developing into something more intimate, something that I think is sandwiched between platonic and romantic love. Well, as a friend, I've always loved him like I loved my other friends and I get weirdly jealous if i see these girls flirting with him. but i ignored it because i also get jealous if i see my girl friends, especially the friendly ones like Panyang, talk as if sharing a secret to someone else. but now that jealousy i feel when i see him around other ladies is more painful and more painful because he's like this magnet who pulls every girl towards him. hmmn...well...not only is he a gentleman, he has one of the biggest hearts ever...(i can't believe im writing this)
another big problem is that one of my closest friends share the same feeling for him. and the jist? instead of getting in the way, i actually acted like this stupid bridge bringing them both together and at the same time getting closer to both of them. well, how will i explain this shithole im in? problem is i love them both, i love the girl and the guy and the girl deserves a move-on so im sort of setting them free. surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would. maybe because i like seeing my friends happy more than i like seeing myself happy. im not practicing martyrdom or anything but it's just a natural thing for me to hurt myself for the sake of the people i care for. and all i could do is write my pain because i couldn't show it to anyone. *sighs* but the big question there is, if i continue doing that, when will I be happy? i think i would be able to figure that out soon. and besides, i don't think "Sun" will light on my heart forever becausei really don't think we have what it takes to be a couple. and even if we did, the odds will be huge and i believe we don't have the capacity to go against them. so as i write this entry, im breaking free from any romantic feelings that I have for him and i say "I love you goodbye"
another big problem is that one of my closest friends share the same feeling for him. and the jist? instead of getting in the way, i actually acted like this stupid bridge bringing them both together and at the same time getting closer to both of them. well, how will i explain this shithole im in? problem is i love them both, i love the girl and the guy and the girl deserves a move-on so im sort of setting them free. surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would. maybe because i like seeing my friends happy more than i like seeing myself happy. im not practicing martyrdom or anything but it's just a natural thing for me to hurt myself for the sake of the people i care for. and all i could do is write my pain because i couldn't show it to anyone. *sighs* but the big question there is, if i continue doing that, when will I be happy? i think i would be able to figure that out soon. and besides, i don't think "Sun" will light on my heart forever because
the journey that was CMLI
it all started one early morning in the grounds of LLCI where everyone was asked to assemble. It was a dreary circumstance because I know that everybody crammed the night before. I was happy, feeling actually light, excited to be traveling again to Baguio, this time as a more matured student. Furthermore, I came with a really distinct casual fashion statement. I remembered the first time we went to manila and I wore this terrible lavender shirt, this HORRIBLE capri, a very HIDEOUS over-sized denim jacket and this murky-colored shoes which spelled "FASHION DISASTER" in total. But I won't let that happen again. Everybody came and we started our 3-hour trip to Tacloban. We started it with a rosary and ended it with loud snores and lively laughter.
The airport was the same as it had been when I first came there. Hordes of people (koreans especially) gathered round the counters, confirming their flights. And we also saw Jiggy Manicad there, one of the hosts of the GMA docu: The Reporter's Notebook. We wanted to take our pictures with him but we didn't want the rest of the people thinking we were paparazzi. So we sat down and waited for the flight. 6:50 came and we were flying to Manila. NAIA was a complete bleak, too many people for any elbow room. Ms. Sunit and Mrs. Colon were nagging at us to be hurry, not knowing it was already the fastest we could go given the demographic situation of the airport. Then we met with this woman and her daughter, which seemed to be friends with Mrs. Colon and Ms. Sunit. They were to take us to the bus port of Victory Liner. The girl, her name was Alyona (not sure) was Samatha's, Torn's, Cindy's ex-classmate but she didn't recognize them. Also, I think that girl was blushing around Earl. Haha, talk about magnetism...
So we went there around 9:45 and ate late breakfast. since that gano cereal effected on me a LOT, i didn't order anything and enjoyed myself talking and watching the rest of them eat. So we left at 10:30 and prepared ourselves for a five-hour trip to Baguio. But I was in a different situation: I was seated beside Mrs. Colon when I was supposed to be seated beside Earl. Not that I dreamed about it or anything, I mean, he IS my body after all. Yes, my BODY. SHIT. and I ended up having these little awkward moments with my Algebra teacher. But u know what, it wasn't so bad because I enjoyed talking with her. Her life when she was my age was beautiful and complicated. She shared to me her experience with her 13-year old (yes THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD) boy friend which was really cute because their families were bestfriends close. Too bad that guy had himself conned and they were driven apart by a series of really complex circumstances. And now, they haven't seen each other for 22 years. I asked Ms. Suki if she wanted to see him after all these years and she hesitated then smiled. "I would like to see him and how his life had become" she said, as if she was talking to someone else. But even that, despite that story, I could see that she loved her husband very much considering the way she laughed and the way her face glowed when she told me how TitoRey would joke about the love life of their two sons. It actually inspired me a lot...hnmnn...
When we were done talking for like an hour, I hurried away and fell asleep becuase I didn't want the situation to get more awkward that it already was. Then, I woke up in a different temperature. My hands were freezing (I need someone else's hand) and my teeth were shaking. It was really cold. It was night and we arrived at Teacher's camp and had dinner in Jollibee. I didn't like it because the sight and the smell of the usualness of Jolibee made me kind of sick. We went for the grocery after that and went to sleep right after.
DAY 1: We spent the whole morning squiring Baguio. Enough said. In the afternoon, we had eliminations for the CFEs. I was really tired because right after I went for the Impromptu speaking contest which was improptu because we didn't know that such a contest would exist, I immediately headed for Radio Drama. It was actually embarrassing but I don't want to write about it. (ask me personally if u know me)
Day2: GOD! CDS! FRIENDS! SALVA! I love that gay! He's so gay! hahaha!
Day 3: I wonder why I don't want to talk about it. Well, I do wanna write about the wrestling I had with Earl and Shiela. Haha...it was COOL! I totally nailed that guy to his butt! Oh and a piece of secret: it was the first time I actually blushed around Earl. Hmmn...nothing suspicious though...I still think he and I do not have what it takes to be something as close to a couple. But I don't know...I kind of have these weird feelings when I get near him...like I get electrocuted or something. It's not how I feel when I'm around Ezra..not exactly...*sighs* but nah uh...I can't be attracted to earl..I mean he is EARL...hello EARL!!! he's like a big brother...*whacks head* I'm so STUPID.
Day 4: More tremors! God help me! And a twist: Shiela totally told me she also shares the same feelings for earl!!! Ha! I still blush when i think about it! Can't believe I'm in this insane circle of i don't know..puppylove. And with EARL at the center! I mean, hello,KYRA! are you okay? it's him...who knows every dirty secret you have...the first guy who you allowed to read your dirty fics! shit! this cannot be! No! But I have to let itgo....not gonna happen...it's too farfetch.
Day 5: Yay! We are leaving! And there was this storm! ha! so glad we got to escape from baguio before the signal went to three! And we got home safe. Thank you LORD! You totally rock! And oh and we formed this little JC-LEB. ahah...not going to elaborate..not official yet...but if there was anything fun about CMLI..it was the series of wrestles I had with earl and shiela, the funny and embarrassing talks in the mess hall with still earl and shiela and sneh and torn. and i think im beginning to fall in love with them both. WELL, I love Earl and Shiela. They're like my new best friends. And I also developed this bond with SNEH...haha I totally love that girl...she's so frank! Love her! and I think I am now more confident and ready to take on any challenge!
well, I guess CMLI does indeed change you one way or another. it has made me realized feelings I was afraid to acknowledge. it gave me the chance to get reconnected to the people I didn't knowi cared for deeply. and right now, can't wait for the echo conference!
The airport was the same as it had been when I first came there. Hordes of people (koreans especially) gathered round the counters, confirming their flights. And we also saw Jiggy Manicad there, one of the hosts of the GMA docu: The Reporter's Notebook. We wanted to take our pictures with him but we didn't want the rest of the people thinking we were paparazzi. So we sat down and waited for the flight. 6:50 came and we were flying to Manila. NAIA was a complete bleak, too many people for any elbow room. Ms. Sunit and Mrs. Colon were nagging at us to be hurry, not knowing it was already the fastest we could go given the demographic situation of the airport. Then we met with this woman and her daughter, which seemed to be friends with Mrs. Colon and Ms. Sunit. They were to take us to the bus port of Victory Liner. The girl, her name was Alyona (not sure) was Samatha's, Torn's, Cindy's ex-classmate but she didn't recognize them. Also, I think that girl was blushing around Earl. Haha, talk about magnetism...
So we went there around 9:45 and ate late breakfast. since that gano cereal effected on me a LOT, i didn't order anything and enjoyed myself talking and watching the rest of them eat. So we left at 10:30 and prepared ourselves for a five-hour trip to Baguio. But I was in a different situation: I was seated beside Mrs. Colon when I was supposed to be seated beside Earl. Not that I dreamed about it or anything, I mean, he IS my body after all. Yes, my BODY. SHIT. and I ended up having these little awkward moments with my Algebra teacher. But u know what, it wasn't so bad because I enjoyed talking with her. Her life when she was my age was beautiful and complicated. She shared to me her experience with her 13-year old (yes THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD) boy friend which was really cute because their families were bestfriends close. Too bad that guy had himself conned and they were driven apart by a series of really complex circumstances. And now, they haven't seen each other for 22 years. I asked Ms. Suki if she wanted to see him after all these years and she hesitated then smiled. "I would like to see him and how his life had become" she said, as if she was talking to someone else. But even that, despite that story, I could see that she loved her husband very much considering the way she laughed and the way her face glowed when she told me how TitoRey would joke about the love life of their two sons. It actually inspired me a lot...hnmnn...
When we were done talking for like an hour, I hurried away and fell asleep becuase I didn't want the situation to get more awkward that it already was. Then, I woke up in a different temperature. My hands were freezing (I need someone else's hand) and my teeth were shaking. It was really cold. It was night and we arrived at Teacher's camp and had dinner in Jollibee. I didn't like it because the sight and the smell of the usualness of Jolibee made me kind of sick. We went for the grocery after that and went to sleep right after.
DAY 1: We spent the whole morning squiring Baguio. Enough said. In the afternoon, we had eliminations for the CFEs. I was really tired because right after I went for the Impromptu speaking contest which was improptu because we didn't know that such a contest would exist, I immediately headed for Radio Drama. It was actually embarrassing but I don't want to write about it. (ask me personally if u know me)
Day2: GOD! CDS! FRIENDS! SALVA! I love that gay! He's so gay! hahaha!
Day 3: I wonder why I don't want to talk about it. Well, I do wanna write about the wrestling I had with Earl and Shiela. Haha...it was COOL! I totally nailed that guy to his butt! Oh and a piece of secret: it was the first time I actually blushed around Earl. Hmmn...nothing suspicious though...I still think he and I do not have what it takes to be something as close to a couple. But I don't know...I kind of have these weird feelings when I get near him...like I get electrocuted or something. It's not how I feel when I'm around Ezra..not exactly...*sighs* but nah uh...I can't be attracted to earl..I mean he is EARL...hello EARL!!! he's like a big brother...*whacks head* I'm so STUPID.
Day 4: More tremors! God help me! And a twist: Shiela totally told me she also shares the same feelings for earl!!! Ha! I still blush when i think about it! Can't believe I'm in this insane circle of i don't know..puppylove. And with EARL at the center! I mean, hello,KYRA! are you okay? it's him...who knows every dirty secret you have...the first guy who you allowed to read your dirty fics! shit! this cannot be! No! But I have to let itgo....not gonna happen...it's too farfetch.
Day 5: Yay! We are leaving! And there was this storm! ha! so glad we got to escape from baguio before the signal went to three! And we got home safe. Thank you LORD! You totally rock! And oh and we formed this little JC-LEB. ahah...not going to elaborate..not official yet...but if there was anything fun about CMLI..it was the series of wrestles I had with earl and shiela, the funny and embarrassing talks in the mess hall with still earl and shiela and sneh and torn. and i think im beginning to fall in love with them both. WELL, I love Earl and Shiela. They're like my new best friends. And I also developed this bond with SNEH...haha I totally love that girl...she's so frank! Love her! and I think I am now more confident and ready to take on any challenge!
well, I guess CMLI does indeed change you one way or another. it has made me realized feelings I was afraid to acknowledge. it gave me the chance to get reconnected to the people I didn't knowi cared for deeply. and right now, can't wait for the echo conference!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
nothing special...just something ordinary...
nothing special happened today...but i felt like i needed to write.
this day turned out better than i expected. the three meetings that i had to simultaneously attend got canceled and i was free to go home early. it was great because i finally had time to give my "drawing (more like imitating) ability" time. i was kind of glad at the outcome..*chuckles*
oh and one downside. we got reproached yet again by mr. q. *sighs* when will his menace end? not soon i think. but i apppreciate because it gets me to my butt. haha. and hmmm...i think im loosing the ability to concentrate. especialy in physics. i did learn and understand but when we do the test, i can't seem to answer anything. it's really weirding me off and the opposite thing is happening in math because i sort of had a surprisingly high grade at our wosa today yeah hug me. and yeah i almost forgot my team won the debate yesterday!!!
the proposition was to resolve that gross domestic product is a good indicator of economic growth and standard of living. antonieto and panyang came over last sunday so we could research and agree on our arguments. instead we end up eating pancit canton, drinking pomelo juice and nitpicking gma and abs-cbn. but of course, we already had our arguments before we goofed around. so we were ready and fortunately we won and were awarded as the "BEST DEBATING TEAM" I for one, and for myself won the "BEST SPEAKER" and "BEST CONSTRUCTIVE SPEECH" it was a pretty huge deal for me because i always loved debates. but my classmates didn't care. haha. as if i care if they did. nobody in class, except me that is, loves public speeches or debates so i understand their cold shoulders.
and speaking of ap...my grade went low to 88 which scrapes me from the achievers list. oh well...there were a lot of us so it was okay...oh and one more thing...IM AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. and im also afraid it's exactly what's happening...omigod...somebody slash my head off....i DON't WANT TO!!!
i have to erase him off my mind...question is how? how when we're going to be together for like...everyday? well, there's only one sentence fit to finish this prattles: I'VE MET MY DOOM.
this day turned out better than i expected. the three meetings that i had to simultaneously attend got canceled and i was free to go home early. it was great because i finally had time to give my "drawing (more like imitating) ability" time. i was kind of glad at the outcome..*chuckles*
oh and one downside. we got reproached yet again by mr. q. *sighs* when will his menace end? not soon i think. but i apppreciate because it gets me to my butt. haha. and hmmm...i think im loosing the ability to concentrate. especialy in physics. i did learn and understand but when we do the test, i can't seem to answer anything. it's really weirding me off and the opposite thing is happening in math because i sort of had a surprisingly high grade at our wosa today yeah hug me. and yeah i almost forgot my team won the debate yesterday!!!
the proposition was to resolve that gross domestic product is a good indicator of economic growth and standard of living. antonieto and panyang came over last sunday so we could research and agree on our arguments. instead we end up eating pancit canton, drinking pomelo juice and nitpicking gma and abs-cbn. but of course, we already had our arguments before we goofed around. so we were ready and fortunately we won and were awarded as the "BEST DEBATING TEAM" I for one, and for myself won the "BEST SPEAKER" and "BEST CONSTRUCTIVE SPEECH" it was a pretty huge deal for me because i always loved debates. but my classmates didn't care. haha. as if i care if they did. nobody in class, except me that is, loves public speeches or debates so i understand their cold shoulders.
and speaking of ap...my grade went low to 88 which scrapes me from the achievers list. oh well...there were a lot of us so it was okay...oh and one more thing...IM AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. and im also afraid it's exactly what's happening...omigod...somebody slash my head off....i DON't WANT TO!!!
i have to erase him off my mind...question is how? how when we're going to be together for like...everyday? well, there's only one sentence fit to finish this prattles: I'VE MET MY DOOM.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
when i get stuck in my own reverie...
well last night, i got myself soaked in the rain. just for a few seconds...
the feeling of wetness on my skin was beautiful and i wanted to just stay stuck in our patio,indulging my thoughts on the nothingness that hovered before me. the atmosphere was cold but i liked how my skin interacted with it. it's like the rain and i have this connection. the feeling's kind of mutual. im always in good mood when it rains and i don't mind if it disfigures a one-hour-done hair do. furthermore, rain has always a strange way of making me think and recall and remember. it's like a two-way ticket to a very significant reverie.
so i went in and got in bed, but i couldn't sleep. i turned the tv on and flicked through the channels. surprisingly, the shows weren't that bad but i found myself uninterested in the least. i resumed my curled position and my mind suddenly went blank. after a while, there was nothing i could think of and the next second, everything was coming back to me. i thought of everything.
first, i thought of myself and heard myself saying "go to the computer and write something" i was going to but lethargy (okay, okay...laziness)got the best of me so i stayed in that position. and then i began to think how capriciously ambitious i've become. my ambitions are sort of impossible and i don't like the way im turning out to be because of them.
second, i thought of my friends. hmmm.....just realized i wouldn't be me without them and i love them to my last breath. speaking of love, well i also thought about it. a) i confirm that im completely over ezra. i talked to him yesterday and had some interaction but i didn't even blush. he's just an ordinary guy to me now. b) i think im going crazy. why? because im crushin on someone im not supposed to be crushin. but im not gonna write his name here. im a really strange person and i think we have too much in common to ever have this mutual understanding. problem is, he's this very sweet guy and that's the first thing that i fall for. f**k! (yeah right, why don't i just write it, right?) im not in the mood for cussing...
third, CMLI. im kind of excited because i AM!! enough said, right?
4th: my mom...ala lng...naisip ko lang sha...hehe..
lastly: my hair. *sighs* had it rebonded a week ago but it seemed like it just got worse...fuck....now im in the mood..
'till here...oh...i haven't wrote anything for my birthday...how bleak of me...
the feeling of wetness on my skin was beautiful and i wanted to just stay stuck in our patio,indulging my thoughts on the nothingness that hovered before me. the atmosphere was cold but i liked how my skin interacted with it. it's like the rain and i have this connection. the feeling's kind of mutual. im always in good mood when it rains and i don't mind if it disfigures a one-hour-done hair do. furthermore, rain has always a strange way of making me think and recall and remember. it's like a two-way ticket to a very significant reverie.
so i went in and got in bed, but i couldn't sleep. i turned the tv on and flicked through the channels. surprisingly, the shows weren't that bad but i found myself uninterested in the least. i resumed my curled position and my mind suddenly went blank. after a while, there was nothing i could think of and the next second, everything was coming back to me. i thought of everything.
first, i thought of myself and heard myself saying "go to the computer and write something" i was going to but lethargy (okay, okay...laziness)got the best of me so i stayed in that position. and then i began to think how capriciously ambitious i've become. my ambitions are sort of impossible and i don't like the way im turning out to be because of them.
second, i thought of my friends. hmmm.....just realized i wouldn't be me without them and i love them to my last breath. speaking of love, well i also thought about it. a) i confirm that im completely over ezra. i talked to him yesterday and had some interaction but i didn't even blush. he's just an ordinary guy to me now. b) i think im going crazy. why? because im crushin on someone im not supposed to be crushin. but im not gonna write his name here. im a really strange person and i think we have too much in common to ever have this mutual understanding. problem is, he's this very sweet guy and that's the first thing that i fall for. f**k! (yeah right, why don't i just write it, right?) im not in the mood for cussing...
third, CMLI. im kind of excited because i AM!! enough said, right?
4th: my mom...ala lng...naisip ko lang sha...hehe..
lastly: my hair. *sighs* had it rebonded a week ago but it seemed like it just got worse...fuck....now im in the mood..
'till here...oh...i haven't wrote anything for my birthday...how bleak of me...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
the pain
today i really feel disgusted at myself...
i don't know but when i opened my friendster profile and saw that nobody cared, i sort of had a really weird repulsive feeling. plus im really stressed at my recent ACET which turned out to be just okay. hmmm....i think i can't rest...it's too heavy. i wanna write but i can't seem to. i open my unfinished 15th chapter, scroll to the last paragraph and find myself looking for something good to write. i get really upset and close the software even before i thought of doing so. last wednesday, when i joined the swimming singles "accidentally" and saw how sick worried ezra was when he saw that i was almost out breath, i felt sort of glad because i wanted that feeling of being cared for. and i thought my inspiration had come back. BIG MISTAKE. it was just a one hour fantasy that faded the instant i stepped on the unpolished upholstery of the van that would take me to ormoc. and i was a little happy because the fact that i was already over the funny feelings i used to have around ezra was finally gone. when i look at him, there's no spark anymore. like when i watched him play soccer the other day. before, i used to have this chills seeing him run like some famous runner and kick some grass that I figure raul gonzales (my fave and hottest soccer hunk capt. of real madrid) also did when he was young. but now, i just watch him like im watching keith gomez play. there was nothing there...and maybe...i already had something in place of him on my mind...
im not concentrating on anyone coz the same feelings i had for mark were long, long way gone. and i don't think they'll ever come back. what i don't like is how he treats me like i still like him...making all those kilig gestures...he just doesn't know they don't move me anymore. im kind of used making promises to myself that i break a little too often. sometimes, it hurts me but i love the things i learn from the pain. im tired of fronting and for once, i wanna tell "girly-girly" that sometimes, the things she tells me don't interest me one bit. for once i wanna tell my mom that i appreciate her and i love her and i wanna tell my sister how lucky i am for having her in my life. i wanna hug all my friends and kiss them and tell them how beautiful they have made my life. for once i wanna pull ezra and tell him how happy i am to be free from the feelings that i had for him all these years. i wanna tell mr. q how funny it is to be right and be wrong at the same time. i wanna tell mark that i don't like him that way i did anymore. i wanna tell myself to stop trying and accept that i can't please everybody. ive got to stop trying. because im so tired.
so why am i writing all this? as a matter of fact, i don't know. maybe it's the fact that sometimes, when you try very hard, you tend to step on other people. and that's a bad thing. i know i hurt a lot of people. and ive been hurt but a lot of people. it's this concept of mutualism. which i still don't get. hmmn...i guess i have to end it all here....until next time...
i don't know but when i opened my friendster profile and saw that nobody cared, i sort of had a really weird repulsive feeling. plus im really stressed at my recent ACET which turned out to be just okay. hmmm....i think i can't rest...it's too heavy. i wanna write but i can't seem to. i open my unfinished 15th chapter, scroll to the last paragraph and find myself looking for something good to write. i get really upset and close the software even before i thought of doing so. last wednesday, when i joined the swimming singles "accidentally" and saw how sick worried ezra was when he saw that i was almost out breath, i felt sort of glad because i wanted that feeling of being cared for. and i thought my inspiration had come back. BIG MISTAKE. it was just a one hour fantasy that faded the instant i stepped on the unpolished upholstery of the van that would take me to ormoc. and i was a little happy because the fact that i was already over the funny feelings i used to have around ezra was finally gone. when i look at him, there's no spark anymore. like when i watched him play soccer the other day. before, i used to have this chills seeing him run like some famous runner and kick some grass that I figure raul gonzales (my fave and hottest soccer hunk capt. of real madrid) also did when he was young. but now, i just watch him like im watching keith gomez play. there was nothing there...and maybe...i already had something in place of him on my mind...
im not concentrating on anyone coz the same feelings i had for mark were long, long way gone. and i don't think they'll ever come back. what i don't like is how he treats me like i still like him...making all those kilig gestures...he just doesn't know they don't move me anymore. im kind of used making promises to myself that i break a little too often. sometimes, it hurts me but i love the things i learn from the pain. im tired of fronting and for once, i wanna tell "girly-girly" that sometimes, the things she tells me don't interest me one bit. for once i wanna tell my mom that i appreciate her and i love her and i wanna tell my sister how lucky i am for having her in my life. i wanna hug all my friends and kiss them and tell them how beautiful they have made my life. for once i wanna pull ezra and tell him how happy i am to be free from the feelings that i had for him all these years. i wanna tell mr. q how funny it is to be right and be wrong at the same time. i wanna tell mark that i don't like him that way i did anymore. i wanna tell myself to stop trying and accept that i can't please everybody. ive got to stop trying. because im so tired.
so why am i writing all this? as a matter of fact, i don't know. maybe it's the fact that sometimes, when you try very hard, you tend to step on other people. and that's a bad thing. i know i hurt a lot of people. and ive been hurt but a lot of people. it's this concept of mutualism. which i still don't get. hmmn...i guess i have to end it all here....until next time...
Monday, September 11, 2006
she's killing me
oh my god!!! im not usually a person who would hurt other people just to stand up for whar i believe because i think it wouldn't justify the pain but earlier in enlish class, i thought twice. my blood pressure could only rise as high but it couldn't rise any higher. argh!!! fuck her!! i couldn't fucking stand her anymore. it's like she's the most stupid incompetent wannabe teacher in this fuckin planet!! i am so tired of her slow fuckin baby-talk and her rewind-lessons that never move on! and she pretends she knows all these thing when it's so obvious that she fuckin doesn't. and then we talked about general and specific statements this afternoon which was a friggin peace of cake and she made it a ct. so one statement was "The Trojans shouldn't have let the enemies in" Who the devil would ever think that the fuckin statement is general? is she that retarded not to see that fucking TROJANS blaring at her!!! seriously, i would have stood up and shaved all her hair off right then and there. *sighs* it's killing me day after day. i mean english was supposed to be my favorite subject. but she's slaughtering it. now im afraid on the path of coming to resent it in the future. it's my only talent and she's taking it away from me. im not writing this because i think i know a lot better than her because as a matter of fact i do. nevertheless, i wrote this shit to let out how i feel because i don't want to be taught the wrong things because it's english and i want to learn it the right way. im really really disappointed in her. i want to move to college right away. and after saying it all, i still have on more sentence left to say: she sucks.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
i am glad yesterday happened.everything turned out beautifully except in the morning where i crammed out all over the place. friday night was a bleak total disaster. my head was coming right off. im just glad mardi had the joke that totally blew me away. culminating program was just okay. it wasn't the best but i was glad everything turned out all right at the end. at first, i was really pissed off at earl because he kept changing his mind out being our piyaya guanio.but i was really glad there was someone else who took his place. hail to joaquin carlos b. sydiongco who lives to prove he is braver than any guy there is.everybody had a good laugh, we had too so hmm...okay.
next part where we had cat formation...my blood boiled to its limit. i was fuckin tired and michelle who so happened to be our co-commandant decided to perform her newly-found sanctions on us which i didn'think was bad but then i really lost my head. hmmn...i almost puked in front of mark because she made us carry those heavy truckload of rubbish. but i was happy because i was able to be with mark...problem is...carrying a huge can of garbage with your crush isn't exactly my own idea of romance. but *shrugs* maybe it's romantic because it isn't. well, anyhow...i went home with the urge to pull out michelle's curls because i was really angry..but when i talked to her later in the day...i guess i just misunderstood her...
yesterday afternoon was also our career guidance session where we had tita au.au (raffy's mom) as our speaker. she talked about the challenges and fascinations about medical school and how the philippines would have a shortage of doctors if students continue becoming nurses.good point there. well, the nice thing about it was i enjoyed it. well, next we had a ssg meeting with the pta officers. it was creepy but it turned out rather hhmmm...meaningful..
anyhow, im glad yesterday was over. but there was something more meaningful than those things. i got my inspiration back. thanks to mark...he looked really hot in that yellow-blue sweatshirt of his...hmm...that's nice...
next part where we had cat formation...my blood boiled to its limit. i was fuckin tired and michelle who so happened to be our co-commandant decided to perform her newly-found sanctions on us which i didn'think was bad but then i really lost my head. hmmn...i almost puked in front of mark because she made us carry those heavy truckload of rubbish. but i was happy because i was able to be with mark...problem is...carrying a huge can of garbage with your crush isn't exactly my own idea of romance. but *shrugs* maybe it's romantic because it isn't. well, anyhow...i went home with the urge to pull out michelle's curls because i was really angry..but when i talked to her later in the day...i guess i just misunderstood her...
yesterday afternoon was also our career guidance session where we had tita au.au (raffy's mom) as our speaker. she talked about the challenges and fascinations about medical school and how the philippines would have a shortage of doctors if students continue becoming nurses.good point there. well, the nice thing about it was i enjoyed it. well, next we had a ssg meeting with the pta officers. it was creepy but it turned out rather hhmmm...meaningful..
anyhow, im glad yesterday was over. but there was something more meaningful than those things. i got my inspiration back. thanks to mark...he looked really hot in that yellow-blue sweatshirt of his...hmm...that's nice...
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