My Own Psychoanalysis

Lately, i've been wondering what's wrong with me because i've been daydreaming too much and i've done something that i think isn't what normal people would do. i've heard inferiority complex twice this week and it didn't go away in my head and i thought maybe it was a sign that i might have this pyschological disease or something. i looked it up and what do you know...i do have it..had it..only when i was young.

when i was eight years old, i believed i had inferiority complex. i developed multiple personality disorder, yes most people commonly call it "split personality". aside from myself, there were two other identities living inside me. the real me was good enough, had opinions of my own and was really composed. but i was in the middle between right and wrong.

the right was named "kynah". she was too good and took over the body when we were at school. she would do everything her friends told her to. from treating them every recess to giving them the up-er-hand at the playground. she couldn't defend herself from the bullies so she actually joined them. those who didn't were frequently ridiculed, made fun of and laughed at. she wanted to help but she was too helpless and did not do anything for she was too good. Probably too good to be anything real.

the wrong one was named "kyla" as far as my memory can hold.she was the one who always had the guts to fight..the one who always encouraged us that we had to defend ourselves from people who hurt us. i had nothing to say but kynah was 100% against it. she was scared, so was i but kyla was never afraid. so when we went to third grade, she took over. she did a lot of brave and stupid things. faked most of her friends, stole a lot of stuff and even went as far as actually using God to defend her. that year was the worst year of my life because when kyla got caught, she left me. kynah also left me. left me alone to answer there severities...

and that was where i grew up, where i learned my place and my stand. i could say that i experienced half of my life in third grade and finally, i lost my inferiority complex and i was myself again.

a lot of years passed and ive learned that i wasn't inferior at all. and in fact, i was superior than most of the others. i was second year high-school when i developed another psychological disease. looked it up and it was called "superiority complex" --> something that arises from inferiority complex. *lol* well, that makes sense, doesn't it? right now im trying hard to loose any complex, i just want to be me. no inferiorities, no superiorities. Just me. but im finding that it's starting to be really hard to do that because i'm really, really insecured. about everything. i hope i can get through this.

im glad to be actually writing this because once i turn 40 and read this stuff, i'll learn that i've matured earlier than the rest. that i know myself better than anyone. that i know what i want and what i need. and even though i may not be mentally healthy, at least i'm living my life the way i'm supposed to. and someday, hopefully someday, i might find who i really am..