laptop issues

i took a moment last night to talk to God and complain to him all my problems. I know he wouldn't mind because I know He's sort of used with me blaming Him for all my problems, and I know He knows that I don't mean to take it all out on Him. well, yesterday, the laptop wouldn't work and i wanted to die in panic because i know that my stepdad's work is in there and to compromise that would be the last thing i wanted. the pc's malfunction wasn't really my fault, well partially maybe it was because i was the one who turned it on for ate mae ann. God knows how much i wanted to march straight into their house and pull all her hair out of her scalp. this is the second time she caused trouble into my life and i hate her. Lord knows h0w much I hate her but even if I do, I can't find it in my heart to do anything drastic.

sometimes, I hate God because of it. Because no matter how a person hurts me, I can't stay mad for a very long time but when it's me...when i subconsciously hurt someone, i have to do this begging stuff just so they could forgive me...but these people...they don't even say sorry and I forgive them straightforwardly. Everything's going down the drain for me this month...
well, first..it thought i was finally getting my dream 100 reviews because m0st stories i write don't even reach 60 reviews. my friends think im such a great great writer but im really n0t. everytime i read a second-rate story, something i think is much worse than mine and they have like 50 plus reviews in just the third chapter..i cry..because i don't it's fair that i only get this much reviews when i know im so much better...

and finally, i thought i was good and i was inspired because i finally had a lot of reviews and i thought i was finally getting a hundred but it didn't...it's like God doesn't want me to write...He just pulled me down right then and there and right now, i can't write a single word for my next chapter. i know it's stupid for me to say that when here i am writing this...
i am stupid and insane and i feel like im the worst failure in the world. i look at my sister and see her not worried one bit about the laptop, it's like i want to kill her or something because when it was still well, she uses it like a man riding seabiscuit.

anyway, i just hate today but i kn0w i have to face whatever comes. *sighs* here i am again...facing the damn consequences of something i didn't do..bullcrap...abosulute bullcrap...