Today turned out to be rather horrible. when i first set foot on the campus grounds, i had this weird unpleasant feeling that i have forgotten something. i checked my things but there seem to be nothing missing or left behind at all. so i just let those feelings go. it might have been some nerve jitters from my lack of sleep because i was making application letters whole night last night. so when i went home for lunch, is familiarized these greek gods and was able to memorize all the olympians and some freakin titans. but then there was that feeling again that i really had forgotten something or so something like that. i was sitting on our car when suddenly physics came to my mind. i thought maybe i forgot to bring something with regards to the subject. i checked my bag and found out that nada was really missin because all i needed for the subject were my notebook and my calculator. so again, i disregarded the same feelin. so physics class began and again the feeling came making me utterly uncomfortable. when i learned there was a test, i calmed down a little because then mr. q won't be talking, making less the chances that he would shout at us. you see, when he came in he sort of had this upset look that contributed to our disappointment and to mine all the more. we took the test for an hour and i was confident i'd get a well-rounded score because i knew how it worked.
i finished ahead of the rest and i was waiting and there was the feeling again but i igored it because it couldn't have been me failing because i was sure i'd get at least a passing grade. after a couple of minutes or so, everyone was done and the feeling was going away bit by bit because we weren't discussing a new lesson but our answers. little did i know that the discussion of answers will be a WHOLE LOT WORSE. well at one occasion or another, the feeling surfaced again but this time, only stronger and t'was beginning to be overwhelming. the urge to raise my hand to volunteer for a number I know how to solve but i lost my guts right then and there. the feeling was getting stronger and stronger every easy number solved. so when the hard ones came i was suddenly sure that i was going to be called to solve for one.
funny how i WAS called! although i didn't like the number i solved because i wasn't really sure of my answer, i was thankful i didn't get the one danielle did because it was very very complicated. so we were solving, both of us in the board and i started to tremble like crazy. but what came next was unimaginably terrifying.
when mr. q saw that both our correction factors were wrong because it wasn't '"squared", he suddenly erupted in this dumbfounding shouting fits that took all our breaths away. But imagine what the two of us must have felt! i tell u, it was the horrible thing...well at first when i was called, i seemed to loose my guts, this time i felt like every inch of my insides never existed at all. it was like they were disappearing one by one with every letter he yelled like we were some kind of deaf stupid people. and to think he had this throat injury or something! im not angry or anything because i understood what he must have felt. i guess throwing tantrums in class are normal stuff teachers do to show their frustration because no matter how hard they think they tried, 80% of the students still wouldn't get the g's of their lessons. but the issue is this: there was never a need to shout because as a student, we don't learn that way. when we are intimidated by a teacher, we loose the heart to ever learn anything that teacher has to say.
mr. q has always been one of my favorite teachers since i was still a freshman because i think he embodies the true essence of teachers who make outstanding students. i respect him and i am honored to be one of his students. but the downside to those good things are the shouting fits. when i learned how to solve my problem, i solved it directly but because he shouted at me, i forgot everything that i was to write so i panicked again. it isn't really a problem if he gets angry and stuff like that but i don't think he needed to shout for us to understand the lesson. he's my perfect role-model but what he showed to me in class today sort of disappointed me and proved that there will never be a "perfect" role-model.
but anyway, even though he showed a rather preposterous behavior today, i still love him as my teacher because i know in a thousand years, llci will never have someone as headstrong, as funny and as temperamental as the moody but quirky mr. q. he still rocks!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
the dream
ive been having these really weird dreams about my classmates lately and i sort of noticed that wherever those dreams take me, there is always the notable presence of one person: ezra. i don't know why he's always in my dreams but i don't really care. he's not my business any longer.
well, here goes my first dream. my classmates and i were on a very huge tree house which has this very green stuff beneath it. we were all talkin above there. btw, im referring to my three-gawa classmates. not that it matters. so we were talking when raffy and ezra came with these shouting fits telling us that there was this big river and that we all have to see it. in turn, we were all shocked so we all hurried to get to this river...those who were really really desperate took pedi-cabs. and well, one of them was my clique. well, all of them rode of course, except me. they were all moving forwards while i was shouting trying to stop them but they wouldn't listen. so i stopped running and went back to my house. i cried and cried and cried again. then, i turned my pc on and started, can u believe it, writing my blog! so weird, right? well then after i posted what i wrote, someone knocked and i saw it was panyang. she was saying sorry but i was too angry to forgive her so i pushed her away and she left me with this really bad feud. hmm...when i woke up, my pillows were soakin wet and i was VERY thankful that all of it was unreal...
my next dream was the most beautiful and meaningLESS and utterly painfully IMPOSSIBLE dream ive ever had. well it featured yet again ezra and my classmates. well we were walking to dolly's house for a reason i have yet to figure out..i was walking with ezra and the rest of the group was ahead of us. we were kind of talkin about the class we had that same day. we were kind of happy and we were laughing like we used to before our little misunderstanding. so we were talking when he just, out-of-a-sudden took my hand. and i looked at him and he looked at me and we were staring at each other. then suddenly, he had this serious look on and he was crying and i was kind of shocked. then i asked him if he was feeling okay, then he grabbed my shoulders and told me the most wonderful hackneyed sentence that every girl dreams of hearing..take note..he said it in vernacular.then i cried and he cried then i asked when. but suddenly, he ran and our classmates started chasing him and they chased him all over town until they got him to face me. we continued to talk and we were really serious then he invited me to dinner at their house and i said okay. his whole family was there and he offered to cook, we ate then i washed the dishes. then he asked if i could sleep with him just that night. of course not the sleep-sex part..u know..the sleeping that involves breathing and closing of eyes. i thought it was sweet and i said yes and i woke up.
well my pillow that morning was double-wet coz i was really hurt. well the pain was overwhelming and i cried until i took a bath then i cried inside when i saw him at school. well i was really hurt because i know that it will never happen and it was the biggest lie of all. but anyway, im over it now because i realized last night i shouldn't waste my nights dreaming about a stupid boy telling me stupid lies about some stupid unreal feelings. my dreams are bogus and i never wanna dream about anything like that again.
my third dream was about a fiesta..im not sure where and what..but we were all fresh from eating and we were visiting this really cool bazarre...u know..shopping for bracelet stuffs and burloloys and those kind of things. but this time. i think i might have been awake in that dream because when i saw him, i walked away. it was really weird how i avoided his path but anyway, i was glad.
well so mcuh for my stupid insignificant dreams which would remain as dreams for the rest of my history. i won't be getting any feud, confessions or proposals from any member of my class in any day of my lifetime. i swear to GOD that.
well, here goes my first dream. my classmates and i were on a very huge tree house which has this very green stuff beneath it. we were all talkin above there. btw, im referring to my three-gawa classmates. not that it matters. so we were talking when raffy and ezra came with these shouting fits telling us that there was this big river and that we all have to see it. in turn, we were all shocked so we all hurried to get to this river...those who were really really desperate took pedi-cabs. and well, one of them was my clique. well, all of them rode of course, except me. they were all moving forwards while i was shouting trying to stop them but they wouldn't listen. so i stopped running and went back to my house. i cried and cried and cried again. then, i turned my pc on and started, can u believe it, writing my blog! so weird, right? well then after i posted what i wrote, someone knocked and i saw it was panyang. she was saying sorry but i was too angry to forgive her so i pushed her away and she left me with this really bad feud. hmm...when i woke up, my pillows were soakin wet and i was VERY thankful that all of it was unreal...
my next dream was the most beautiful and meaningLESS and utterly painfully IMPOSSIBLE dream ive ever had. well it featured yet again ezra and my classmates. well we were walking to dolly's house for a reason i have yet to figure out..i was walking with ezra and the rest of the group was ahead of us. we were kind of talkin about the class we had that same day. we were kind of happy and we were laughing like we used to before our little misunderstanding. so we were talking when he just, out-of-a-sudden took my hand. and i looked at him and he looked at me and we were staring at each other. then suddenly, he had this serious look on and he was crying and i was kind of shocked. then i asked him if he was feeling okay, then he grabbed my shoulders and told me the most wonderful hackneyed sentence that every girl dreams of hearing..take note..he said it in vernacular.then i cried and he cried then i asked when. but suddenly, he ran and our classmates started chasing him and they chased him all over town until they got him to face me. we continued to talk and we were really serious then he invited me to dinner at their house and i said okay. his whole family was there and he offered to cook, we ate then i washed the dishes. then he asked if i could sleep with him just that night. of course not the sleep-sex part..u know..the sleeping that involves breathing and closing of eyes. i thought it was sweet and i said yes and i woke up.
well my pillow that morning was double-wet coz i was really hurt. well the pain was overwhelming and i cried until i took a bath then i cried inside when i saw him at school. well i was really hurt because i know that it will never happen and it was the biggest lie of all. but anyway, im over it now because i realized last night i shouldn't waste my nights dreaming about a stupid boy telling me stupid lies about some stupid unreal feelings. my dreams are bogus and i never wanna dream about anything like that again.
my third dream was about a fiesta..im not sure where and what..but we were all fresh from eating and we were visiting this really cool bazarre...u know..shopping for bracelet stuffs and burloloys and those kind of things. but this time. i think i might have been awake in that dream because when i saw him, i walked away. it was really weird how i avoided his path but anyway, i was glad.
well so mcuh for my stupid insignificant dreams which would remain as dreams for the rest of my history. i won't be getting any feud, confessions or proposals from any member of my class in any day of my lifetime. i swear to GOD that.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
first day blues
it's not really blues since first day of school turned out quite all right. we had the orientation like we always do every year and then we proceeded to our respective classrooms which sucked because ours was isolated from the rest of the high-school departments. the distance really didn't matter to me, it's just that i think it makes us all outdated from the rest...we were also very excited coz we get to have 3 new teachers, two of which were alumni. they were really cool. our new adviser goes by the name of ms. loro..she quite a plain jane to me, i mean fashion-wise but i think she can handle the job. but of course, id still prefer ms. diaz's stoney cold antics. we also get to keep mr. pacayra who now grew long hair and mr. lacuna and mrs. colon and ms. cabrera. the teachers also said that mr. josol would be coming over to teach us ap this week...but i dnt if it's just a rumor or not...
then at recess, all we talked about was nothing but our good ol' friend stipay. and how we missed her and wished she was still here goofin' around like she always does and making all of us smile. i mean it was crazy but we pretended that she was just late or absent like jarvin or she was just sick...maybe she really meant that much too us because she was just stipay and we couldn't get over the fact that she left us hangin' in the gloriest year of high-school. but anyway, i hope she'll do good in tarlac and make us all proud!
anyway, the 'gap' of course between the two classes clashed in this suckfest was seen quite clearly in the seating arrangment. all of us who were gawa last year sat on the left side while those who weren't sat on the right. well some of those who were kind of let's just say depressed sat with the tiwala studs. well one of them was carl. i mean when carl came he was smiling and waving and all but when we got to the classroom, he looked sort of melancholic. we tried to cheer him up of course and he was laughin when we were teasing panyang because gian came to school and surprised as all. well, i know, even without him telling me the reason why he looked so sad. it was because francis and raymund who were his best friends were on the other section and stipay moved out to tarlac. and he even told our new ap teacher that! i just felt so sad all of a sudden, for him because i know even if i tried, i couldn't make him happy...
and then there was mr. q who announced his lingering vocal disease which consequently spurned his future attempts to throw shouting fits on the class. i also noticed that the teachers are now more provocative and uptight. it's so annoying. and then we learned we had to still take this stupid cat course which i don't like because i can't even push-up like more than once. but whatever...so then dismissal came and we cleaned our very dusty how-could-you-possibly-take-all-this-heat hot classroom and had a chat with ms. loro. she told us about this greek play requirement. i was actually happy about that because i love plays but what i didn't appreciate were the familiar stares i garnered from my classmates which might have meant "you do the script". (whacks head) oh my, here we go again! but whatever!
and then our old classmates came and raymund came in with pocky sticks that i went really crazy for...in case u people didn't know, that choc stick was kind of sentimental because of the onegai teacher anime...well i don't wanna guess why he brought those to school and showed it to me...but if i was to take a guess, i'd put my money on the notion that he was missing someone who shared his desire for that anime...well...but i don't really know. so that was everything that happened earlier.
it wasn't really good, but it wasn't completely bad either. i didn't really enjoy myself but im okay. all im hoping is that i could survive senior year with flags...peace out ya people!
then at recess, all we talked about was nothing but our good ol' friend stipay. and how we missed her and wished she was still here goofin' around like she always does and making all of us smile. i mean it was crazy but we pretended that she was just late or absent like jarvin or she was just sick...maybe she really meant that much too us because she was just stipay and we couldn't get over the fact that she left us hangin' in the gloriest year of high-school. but anyway, i hope she'll do good in tarlac and make us all proud!
anyway, the 'gap' of course between the two classes clashed in this suckfest was seen quite clearly in the seating arrangment. all of us who were gawa last year sat on the left side while those who weren't sat on the right. well some of those who were kind of let's just say depressed sat with the tiwala studs. well one of them was carl. i mean when carl came he was smiling and waving and all but when we got to the classroom, he looked sort of melancholic. we tried to cheer him up of course and he was laughin when we were teasing panyang because gian came to school and surprised as all. well, i know, even without him telling me the reason why he looked so sad. it was because francis and raymund who were his best friends were on the other section and stipay moved out to tarlac. and he even told our new ap teacher that! i just felt so sad all of a sudden, for him because i know even if i tried, i couldn't make him happy...
and then there was mr. q who announced his lingering vocal disease which consequently spurned his future attempts to throw shouting fits on the class. i also noticed that the teachers are now more provocative and uptight. it's so annoying. and then we learned we had to still take this stupid cat course which i don't like because i can't even push-up like more than once. but whatever...so then dismissal came and we cleaned our very dusty how-could-you-possibly-take-all-this-heat hot classroom and had a chat with ms. loro. she told us about this greek play requirement. i was actually happy about that because i love plays but what i didn't appreciate were the familiar stares i garnered from my classmates which might have meant "you do the script". (whacks head) oh my, here we go again! but whatever!
and then our old classmates came and raymund came in with pocky sticks that i went really crazy for...in case u people didn't know, that choc stick was kind of sentimental because of the onegai teacher anime...well i don't wanna guess why he brought those to school and showed it to me...but if i was to take a guess, i'd put my money on the notion that he was missing someone who shared his desire for that anime...well...but i don't really know. so that was everything that happened earlier.
it wasn't really good, but it wasn't completely bad either. i didn't really enjoy myself but im okay. all im hoping is that i could survive senior year with flags...peace out ya people!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
mishy's move in!
well, today mishy arrived from tacloban and we spent the whole day together, like what we'll be doing for the next ten months or so. we watched white chicks and then da vinci code, we also talked a lot about the dramas in her family. seriously, that girl's such a talker and when she opens her mouth, you'll just have to listen. she's pretty cool too with what she did with the room, 'twas pretty awesome. anyway, so tuesday will be the start of classes. usually, i get this jitters because i get really excited but now, i feel really bored and i don't feel like going there any more. maybe it's because they've changed the sectioning, or maybe it's because i lost my few friends over to the other section or maybe because steffi isn't here anymore. whatever it is, i don't really feel like it! i feel so heavy whenever i think about it and the teachers, ugh! i also took time to read my calculus book and i swear to god i'll indulge myself a thousand times if ever i pass math. i really hate geometry. i love algebra but algerbra was in third year...this year we're having like trigo and analytic calculus! not only that, we'll be taking PHYSICS!!! THe ONE thing i hate even more than the petulance of my crazy sister! and to think mr q is our teacher. it's really intimidating because when you're his student, you feel obliged to know and understand immediately what he's teaching. he's not at all bad. as a matter of fact, he's like one of my real favorite teachers, aside from Ms. Diaz who sadly said goodbye and Mr. Pacayra whose departure was still unsure and mr. josol who's also leavin. GOD!! why is everyone leavin? and in the gloriest year of high-school! the shit!!! ghass...i hate myself...i hate school...i hate math and physics and PE especially!!! well, *sighs* im like two days away from school so better get ready...i'll be postin on the first day...'till then!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)