No, I'm not talking about a boy.
It's my first anniversary at work. It's probably not a big deal to most people, but to me---the me who can't quite come to terms with constancy and can't stand seeing the same things every day---it is a big deal, especially because it's office work. Office. The one place I swore I won't have to be when I graduated. But that was when I was conceited, when the world still seemed perfect even though there were things that made me want to cry in the news.
Now things have changed. No matter how optimistic you try to be, how much faith you have in yourself, there is always something that pulls you down and makes you curse. When I resigned from my first job, I was at my lowest point, depressed and hateful. I was a bottle away from being suicidal, and I don't remember ever feeling so alone and inconsolable. I lost my trust in offices because it was exactly what I feared it would be---cutthroat and hopelessly routine. So when I got hired in my company now, I was indifferent. I didn't have expectations because I was so sure I would be disappointed, that after three months I would have thoughts of resigning, that I shouldn't get close to the people I would meet because I would leave them soon enough anyway.
But I was wrong, so wrong that everything just seems right. Though I still have to wake up feeling like I still need to sleep, I don't have to drag myself out of bed and look forward to the end of the day. In fact, I consider the nine hours I spend in the office precious. I know I get sidetracked by Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube once in a while, okay, often, I want to work hard and keep my bosses happy. I want them to feel proud of me, to think that they did the right thing when they hired me, that I was and still am a good investment. Honestly, I have so much respect for my bosses because they make us all feel at ease. Seriously, I don't feel like I'm in an office. I feel like I'm in a room doing the people whom I look up to a favor with colleagues that I have so much respect for. I feel at home. I feel like I'm a part of a family. I'm happy. I'm contented.
There are but a few people who, when asked how they are with their jobs, can say that they're happy. The usual response to this question is an indifferent shrug, a disdainful grunt, or a flat-out "It's torture." One year ago today, I was a pessimistic pseudo-intellectual who is willing to take any job so she doesn't have to depend on her parents anymore. Now I can proudly say that I'm not as pessimistic though I still consider myself as a pseudo-intellectual. I am still at this job because I still don't want to depend on my parents, because what I have here gives me purpose, and because I love the person that I am when I'm with these people.
So, happy anniversary!!!
