I guess it'd be weird to say that I didn't expect the change I saw in my friends.
It's kind of tradition for us to get together every time we find ourselves in Isabel, bored and thingless. Whether in my house or in someone else's, we all make sure we get to see each other before we go separate ways again. Communication always works but with the individual lives we lead, even we find it hard to catch up with each other's lives.
In such get-togethers, I am always the one who gets to foot the bill. If it's not safe to say always, then I guess "more often than not" will do. I can wholeheartedly say that I DON'T MIND because when I find myself out of cash, I don't feel robbed or deprived, I feel blessed, like I've received something greater that what I gave. And that's why I love being with these people so much... because they make being broke feel so wonderful.
SO 'nuff with these senti stuff. My point is, that yesterday, I wasn't the only one who got broke. We all did. And I wasn't expecting that because normally, even though I know they have some money on them, they'd say they don't. But yesterday, yesterday, cash was readily put on the table. They were all eager to contribute something and we were cooking together and buying stuff together. I hadn't felt that kind of bonding since last year's semester break when we watched porn together (haha and before u put anything nasty to your head, when don't do nasty stuff to each other). So we bought tuna and eggs and whipped up something out of them. Haha it tasted heaven. We also had ham and some leftovers from Noche Buena. There was no good movie so some of us talked while others surfed the net.
And in between all these activities, there was the camera. Haha we're such a bunch of camwhores. My camera is bursting with our pictures and God knows how long it will take to upload all of them.
I'm guessing that for what I felt and experienced yesterday and the other night (when I caught up with them in the pool and camwhored all over Housing) with my crazy friends, this blog post is pretty lame. But I think it will suffice if I say that they made my Christmas extra-special this year, that it was refreshing to see them after months of being away, that I still love them not a mite less, that they have changed and not changed at all.
A few more days and we're going back to college. But I guess when we're together, we'll just remain in high-school forever. Totally whack and splendid.
~firefliesandsecrets
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Christmas Party and Party
Okay last night was an effin blaast! It was the manifestation of several nights of practicing to walk like a bitch. Ardie was hard on us but he did a good job improving our posture, making us look fierce and teaching us how to walk the walk. And in the end, our efforts paid off. Everyone of us looked stunningly perfect (with or without clothes) and on-the-whole the fashion show was a big job-well-done.
But okay I had a lot of stuff going on BEFORE that night. My sister came and brought the influenza virus with her, making me sniff and blow and cough all over the place. Not a good time to be sick huh. So anyway, Sordy and I got to this salon to have ourselves made-up. We finished just in time but to our horror, discovered that every single taxi that passed by was full. So, in all our current finery (make-up and hair and all), we bravely walked through the night market in COLON. Yes, we WALKED. And yeah,it's a given that everybody was staring at us. 6:40 and still no taxi. We couldn't stomach that possibility that the show might start without us so, still in our finery, decided to ride a JEEP. Yes, people, we rode a jeep wearing make-up and all. The only good thing about it was that we weren't wearing our fancy dresses YET. So somehow, we snatched comfort from that fact.
We arrived, thankfully, on time. Well, not on time, but since everybody else was late, so yeah, we were on time. Ahhh! Everybody looked dazzling. Meg was there with us, too. So the show started and we were walking the walk. Everybody got hysterical when Paul took of his shirt and showed off "the kiss mark" which became "kiss marks" a little while later. Speaking of Paul, I forgot his gift in my haste to go to the salon, so I also, in a haste, went back to my boarding house to get it. And in my haste to catch the second set of modeling, I tripped on my high heels and fell down the stairs. Yes, I fell down the stairs. It was painful but I somehow didn't pay too much attention to it because I was hurrying. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to watch the second batch of models but thank God for the camera.
After the show, we had games and then took pictures and goofed around. I feel for Paul and Jonathan who were constantly ogled with screaming girls (me included haha) because they took of their shirts and thus, becoming the night's object of lust. Everyone wanted to plant a kiss on their naked (aah i am totally blushing right now) upper bodies. So yeah, I was one of them girls who harrassed these two guys. Anyway, we were friends so nothing awkward.
Night ended fast (at least to me). Spice girls plus manager exchanged gifts and I got a box of dark chocolates from Godece. We gave everyone hugs and walked together out the Hotel. We waited for our individual rides, hugged and kissed each other and said our goodbyes.
If y'all think the night ended there, you're wrong. I invited my high-school friends to a night out. Some said yes, others said no (because they were going home the same night). And in the end, it was only Lynjun who really came (except for Caren who was there with her blockmates and Keith, who said no but came anyway). I think I want to be honest and say that I was disappointed. Here I was thinking we'd all get together for a night of booze, dancing and fun and there they went cancelling at the last minute for particular reasons. I didn't want to force it so Lynjun and I just went to Autoshop to join Caren and her friends. Unfortunately we kind of didn't really enjoy ourselves so we decided to head off and find Ardie, Mark and the group of freshmen whom we met earlier. Thank heavens I found Francis ordering a case of beer and Lynjun and I joined him and the rest of his barkada. I was already tipsy so when we got into the conversation and the shots, I was already on the way to getting stoned. And stoned I was. I remembered bits of it but I know that I threw up on myself (thank God not on anyone else) and Lynjun and Keith, who came, had to bring me home. When I woke up, I felt HORRIBLE. I think it'd be an understatement to say that I was hangover. I felt like I was still drunk. So I went out, without bothering to wash any part of my body, to get starbucks. Damn americana coffee didn't work. But I guess what made me feel horrible was that I totally embarrassed myself to Lynjun, Keith and my new freshmen friends. I still can't get drinking right, I just get wasted soo easily. I would have wanted to talk more with them because they were loads of fun, the freshmen. I could see Lynjun and Keith enjoyed themselves too so yeah, I guess, the night was pretty good on the whole.
And now, as I am writing this in my house in Leyte, I am with a fever, a cough and a cold. But remembering all the crazy happy stuff that I went through yesterday, I have a reason to smile.
But okay I had a lot of stuff going on BEFORE that night. My sister came and brought the influenza virus with her, making me sniff and blow and cough all over the place. Not a good time to be sick huh. So anyway, Sordy and I got to this salon to have ourselves made-up. We finished just in time but to our horror, discovered that every single taxi that passed by was full. So, in all our current finery (make-up and hair and all), we bravely walked through the night market in COLON. Yes, we WALKED. And yeah,it's a given that everybody was staring at us. 6:40 and still no taxi. We couldn't stomach that possibility that the show might start without us so, still in our finery, decided to ride a JEEP. Yes, people, we rode a jeep wearing make-up and all. The only good thing about it was that we weren't wearing our fancy dresses YET. So somehow, we snatched comfort from that fact.
We arrived, thankfully, on time. Well, not on time, but since everybody else was late, so yeah, we were on time. Ahhh! Everybody looked dazzling. Meg was there with us, too. So the show started and we were walking the walk. Everybody got hysterical when Paul took of his shirt and showed off "the kiss mark" which became "kiss marks" a little while later. Speaking of Paul, I forgot his gift in my haste to go to the salon, so I also, in a haste, went back to my boarding house to get it. And in my haste to catch the second set of modeling, I tripped on my high heels and fell down the stairs. Yes, I fell down the stairs. It was painful but I somehow didn't pay too much attention to it because I was hurrying. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to watch the second batch of models but thank God for the camera.
After the show, we had games and then took pictures and goofed around. I feel for Paul and Jonathan who were constantly ogled with screaming girls (me included haha) because they took of their shirts and thus, becoming the night's object of lust. Everyone wanted to plant a kiss on their naked (aah i am totally blushing right now) upper bodies. So yeah, I was one of them girls who harrassed these two guys. Anyway, we were friends so nothing awkward.
Night ended fast (at least to me). Spice girls plus manager exchanged gifts and I got a box of dark chocolates from Godece. We gave everyone hugs and walked together out the Hotel. We waited for our individual rides, hugged and kissed each other and said our goodbyes.
If y'all think the night ended there, you're wrong. I invited my high-school friends to a night out. Some said yes, others said no (because they were going home the same night). And in the end, it was only Lynjun who really came (except for Caren who was there with her blockmates and Keith, who said no but came anyway). I think I want to be honest and say that I was disappointed. Here I was thinking we'd all get together for a night of booze, dancing and fun and there they went cancelling at the last minute for particular reasons. I didn't want to force it so Lynjun and I just went to Autoshop to join Caren and her friends. Unfortunately we kind of didn't really enjoy ourselves so we decided to head off and find Ardie, Mark and the group of freshmen whom we met earlier. Thank heavens I found Francis ordering a case of beer and Lynjun and I joined him and the rest of his barkada. I was already tipsy so when we got into the conversation and the shots, I was already on the way to getting stoned. And stoned I was. I remembered bits of it but I know that I threw up on myself (thank God not on anyone else) and Lynjun and Keith, who came, had to bring me home. When I woke up, I felt HORRIBLE. I think it'd be an understatement to say that I was hangover. I felt like I was still drunk. So I went out, without bothering to wash any part of my body, to get starbucks. Damn americana coffee didn't work. But I guess what made me feel horrible was that I totally embarrassed myself to Lynjun, Keith and my new freshmen friends. I still can't get drinking right, I just get wasted soo easily. I would have wanted to talk more with them because they were loads of fun, the freshmen. I could see Lynjun and Keith enjoyed themselves too so yeah, I guess, the night was pretty good on the whole.
And now, as I am writing this in my house in Leyte, I am with a fever, a cough and a cold. But remembering all the crazy happy stuff that I went through yesterday, I have a reason to smile.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Summary of the Worst Semester (so far)
No, I'm not in one of my cynical I-hate-the-world moods, I am perfectly serious and normal when I say that this semester is the worst I've had so far. And they below are the reasons:
1. Meg is leaving. And it's too bad 'cause she's one of the sweetest, loveliest person I've ever met. It's hard to imagine the coming semester and years without her and her crazy ideas and her bright smile and her kisses and her hugs and just the whole of her.
2. HE is the WORST crush I've ever had. Okay, first he gave me one hell of a time figuring out if he was gay or not. Next, he dropped some clues, showed some signs that he liked me and just ignored me like I never existed! And lastly, he's a jerk. Eff him, he can go to hell.
3. My Birthday. I'm not saying my birthday was bad. In fact, I rather enjoyed it from 12-am to 8-am. Thanks to Lori and Kirk and Sordy and Godece and Danielle and the Autoshop VJ. But after they all left, dude, I felt so alone. My mom didn't even call me. And I busted my phone later that day. And I had a class in Economics. And I cried my eyes out. My eyes were so swollen Sunday morning that I just stayed home the whole day. The only good thing I remember about it was the messages from my friends and their gifts. Lori and Meg's were the nastiest stuff I've ever received. Sam and Hannah's were the sweetest.
4. FINALS. Okay, this is a picture of how my room looked like during finals week:
pretty messed up huh? got so tired of cleaning 'em that I just slept over some stuff and eventually broke some of 'em. but i'm glad it's over.
5. My Face. It started breaking out again. Damned stress! The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home is run to my dermatologist and have all my zits removed. Dammit, I look so bad these days that I can't stomach to look at the mirror.
----
Okay, those are bad things. But here are the good ones:
1. My Biology Class. Sam was a great lab partner, my teachers were kind and great and my classmates were sh*tloads of fun. I couldn't have wished for better people to be with in bio. AB Philos rock!
2. Restaurants. I've eaten in some new ones with friends and food is just a new experience everytime. But the most fun I had was last night, when we all got together, dressed up nice and basically just enjoyed ourselves with dinner and each other's company. It was the perfect ender to the worst sem. And when I got home, I kind of thought, there is no worst sem when you have these kind of people around you.
3. Friends, my AB Linguistics friends. Family really. I think we all belong to each other. I love them all to death.
4. Starbucks. Vanilla frappuccino I need you!
Okay, I am currently ransacking my brain for more good things and so far, these are the only things I could come up with. But anyway, it's all over and I'm looking forward for better things next semester. Hopefully, I don't get to see HIM (worst crush ever) and some people who think they're smarter than everyone else. I'm moving on, I feel beautiful and I'm happy. Goodbye worst sem, hello sem break!
Listening to: code by NEWS (solo of Ryo Nishikido)
1. Meg is leaving. And it's too bad 'cause she's one of the sweetest, loveliest person I've ever met. It's hard to imagine the coming semester and years without her and her crazy ideas and her bright smile and her kisses and her hugs and just the whole of her.
2. HE is the WORST crush I've ever had. Okay, first he gave me one hell of a time figuring out if he was gay or not. Next, he dropped some clues, showed some signs that he liked me and just ignored me like I never existed! And lastly, he's a jerk. Eff him, he can go to hell.
3. My Birthday. I'm not saying my birthday was bad. In fact, I rather enjoyed it from 12-am to 8-am. Thanks to Lori and Kirk and Sordy and Godece and Danielle and the Autoshop VJ. But after they all left, dude, I felt so alone. My mom didn't even call me. And I busted my phone later that day. And I had a class in Economics. And I cried my eyes out. My eyes were so swollen Sunday morning that I just stayed home the whole day. The only good thing I remember about it was the messages from my friends and their gifts. Lori and Meg's were the nastiest stuff I've ever received. Sam and Hannah's were the sweetest.
4. FINALS. Okay, this is a picture of how my room looked like during finals week:
pretty messed up huh? got so tired of cleaning 'em that I just slept over some stuff and eventually broke some of 'em. but i'm glad it's over.
5. My Face. It started breaking out again. Damned stress! The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home is run to my dermatologist and have all my zits removed. Dammit, I look so bad these days that I can't stomach to look at the mirror.
----
Okay, those are bad things. But here are the good ones:
1. My Biology Class. Sam was a great lab partner, my teachers were kind and great and my classmates were sh*tloads of fun. I couldn't have wished for better people to be with in bio. AB Philos rock!
2. Restaurants. I've eaten in some new ones with friends and food is just a new experience everytime. But the most fun I had was last night, when we all got together, dressed up nice and basically just enjoyed ourselves with dinner and each other's company. It was the perfect ender to the worst sem. And when I got home, I kind of thought, there is no worst sem when you have these kind of people around you.
3. Friends, my AB Linguistics friends. Family really. I think we all belong to each other. I love them all to death.
4. Starbucks. Vanilla frappuccino I need you!
Okay, I am currently ransacking my brain for more good things and so far, these are the only things I could come up with. But anyway, it's all over and I'm looking forward for better things next semester. Hopefully, I don't get to see HIM (worst crush ever) and some people who think they're smarter than everyone else. I'm moving on, I feel beautiful and I'm happy. Goodbye worst sem, hello sem break!
Listening to: code by NEWS (solo of Ryo Nishikido)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Another Love Post
I don't know or remember how many times I've written about this subject. And yet, I feel there are still so many things left unwritten. I've fallen in love with different kinds of people countless of times, got my heart broken over and over again, and still here I am, blushing like a high-school girl, thinking about a guy and writing stuff about the wuzzy funny feelings he gives her.
I want to think that to be able to love is to be sure that somehow, your feelings will be returned. But I know that isn't true. Because love is unconditional and when you do love, there is absolutely no certainty that he/she will be able to give you back your feelings. I know this for a fact. And it hurts. It hurts to think that no matter what you do, you'll always be the only one who gets to feel the pain of thinking about a person the whole day and knowing they aren't thinking of you at all. It hurts to be told and shown that to them, you aren't good enough. You're not that pretty, that tall, that athletic.
And maybe this is why I'm too scared to fall in love again, to like a person and getting mad because you have absolutely no way of getting them out of your mind. Maybe it's the same reason why I can't bring myself to entertain the possibility that he might like me back. Why it extremely confuses me every time he does little things to make me smile, when he makes un-funny jokes that I laugh at anyway, when he holds my hand and smiles. Because when I tell myself, "he likes you", a bigger part of me says, "he's just being nice". And it's that bigger part who always gets to win. So I'm left staring at myself in the mirror and telling it that someone like him will never like someone like me.
But God! He makes it so easy for me to think otherwise. I just wish he wouldn't be so nice so I could just directly tell myself to fuck off. But the way he smiles...there's just so much hope in the way he smiles that it gives me a reason to believe in that stupid love thing again, to have confidence that maybe this time, someone will think I'm good enough. And maybe, just maybe, I could stop being in love with being alone.
Maybe I could finally find a reason to tell the mirror to mind its own business when it starts making me feel like major shit. I'm not a cynical person. Neither am I proud nor conceited. I won't think that a guy like him might possibly like me if he doesn't give me a reason to think so himself. I'm not selfish either. I won't fight for something that I know isn't meant for me. If he has somebody else, then I'll pig out and write a crappy blog post about how my heart has been broken for the nth time. But if this is it, if what I feel every time I look into his eyes is real and is not just some temporary high-school crush thing, then I'll thank God and find a way to make him and me an 'us'.
Friday, August 29, 2008
A Pink Sky
I'm just lazing around, facing the computer all day and suddenly everything turns to pink. I jump and rush to look at the sky. It was so unbelievably pink
It looks a bit orange in the picture but dude, when I saw the sky, I just felt...wow. Like you know when you're looking at something really beautiful and realize that it's there for you. The feeling is just wow. Plus it made me realize that today is my last day here in Leyte. And when I go back to Cebu, I'm a busy shithead.
I've a lot of things to do and so far, I haven't finished a single one. Frankly, I don't care. I don't want to think about school while I'm here. I'm at peace here. I can play the keyboard here. I can sleep and wish I'd never wake up. I can watch more than one channel here. My mom and my dad are here. It's nice to be in a place where you can just relax and not worry about anything. That's why I prefer Isabel over any other city. No matter how bland or boring this town is, this is the only place that makes me feel I belong. This is my home.
And a pink sky? I don't see that in Cebu. I hate Cebu. The only reason why I can still smile every morning is that I know I have people there that care for me. College life may be full of shit but with friends like mine, every shit is worth facing. So tomorrow I'll be back in Cebu.
I'll be leaving home again.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Today is Friday. The end of the week, the end of midterms. And so far, I have to comment on the following:
1. The weather.
It's been very fickle since Monday. One minute you're scorched by the burning sun and the next you're hurrying to somewhere roofed so as not to get yourself wet by the rain.I've loved rainy days since forever but I'm always pissed when it rains on Tuesdays because I don't get to wash my clothes and I spend whole Wednesday worrying if I get to to wear a uniform on Thursday. And well, the rain makes people late. This I can personally vouch for. Last Tuesday morning was a bit gloomy but I had NO idea it was going to rain REALLY HARD in the afternoon. As usual, I dropped by at Sam's house so we could go together for our Biology Lab practical exam. It was quarter to 1:30 when the heavens decided to flood Talambag again. I was horrified to see that there was NO way we could walk to school because the streets were turning into a big brown river. My watch screamed 1:35 and I remember Ms. Diola clearly telling the class NOT to be late. My stomach churned. It churned even more when I look at Sam and see she isn't worried a bit. Their car was broken (talk about perfect timing) so her dad made me call the guards to send over a taxi. 15 minutes had gone by and I was on the verge of biting my nails out of anxiety. No sign of the goddamned taxi. Thank God, however, the rain somehow slowed down and I can see the wet asphalt on the streets. Sam's mom had us wear plastic bags over our shoes so they wouldn't get wet. So imagine us with Teletubby feet. It was nearing 2:00 when we decided, courageously, to walk. It was, however, FAR from the depths of our knowledge that we were to encounter a HUGE BROWN SWIMMING POOL towards school. So I can totally see that Sam was really disgusted but I love stuff like that. You know, the adventure. It was fun, getting wet and dirty and flipping people off because they were totally laughing at our misfortune. Okay, so we arrived at 2:05 and thank the Lord Ms. Diola was kind enough to understand that we had to go get teletubby feet, get laughed at by people and constantly worry if we had missed the exams. In the end, I got home with a smile, a story to tell, and a flu.
2. Him
I totally missed him. Haven't seen him since last Friday and I could say that the Law of Gravitation worked here. The further you are, the less attracted you will be. Because when I last saw him, he touched my hand and to my surprise, I felt nothing. An awful nothing. So I thought maybe I didn't like him anymore. Moreover, I was thinking of him less and less everyday. Half of me was glad because I didn't have to feel so anxious when I don't see him and half of me was not so glad because I like what I feel when I see him. So today, I saw him. And voila, still head over heeels shaken. I gave him that Japanese chocolate. (hehehe) I hope he likes it.
3. My health
So the rain last Tuesday took its toll and now I'm coughing non-stop 24/7. My throat hurt, so does my nose from too much blowing and I can hardly sleep. I also got this fever but it's gone now. My step-sister had just given birth and my parents came over. I cried when I knew. So like now, I'm feeling better. I think my body is in the process of getting well. Which is good because I don't have to worry about disturbing my boardmates when I cough like a goddamned shotgun.
4. The MIDTERMS
SO far, so great. The tests weren't that hard (for me at least) and I thought I did good in all of 'em. Well, hopefully. And I sooo can't wait to get home. Another week in Cebu will kill me. I mean everything in this city is sooo NOT conducive to good health.
Okay, today is Saturday. And I'm smiling because I'm done washing my clothes. We have a meeting today at 8:00 and as usual, the rest of them started coming at 9:00 so I was left alone reading FHM, listening to Kuroki Meisa and shivering from the side-effects of the goddamned Bricanyl. After the meeting, I slept for a bit and went to SM.
I shopped for slippers and a new book. WHen I went home, Mark texted me to go back because he was treating me to a movie. I was thinking twice but then Ezra and Dara were coming so I got dressed and waited for them outside. Ezra was there and we shared an umbrella. Yeah right. SO I totally do NOT feel anything towards him anymore. And there was this big dog.
we wacthed wall e. Nice. we ate in Jollibee. we rode a jeep and got home. So far that was it. Oh and I slept with a smile. Great. :-D
1. The weather.
It's been very fickle since Monday. One minute you're scorched by the burning sun and the next you're hurrying to somewhere roofed so as not to get yourself wet by the rain.I've loved rainy days since forever but I'm always pissed when it rains on Tuesdays because I don't get to wash my clothes and I spend whole Wednesday worrying if I get to to wear a uniform on Thursday. And well, the rain makes people late. This I can personally vouch for. Last Tuesday morning was a bit gloomy but I had NO idea it was going to rain REALLY HARD in the afternoon. As usual, I dropped by at Sam's house so we could go together for our Biology Lab practical exam. It was quarter to 1:30 when the heavens decided to flood Talambag again. I was horrified to see that there was NO way we could walk to school because the streets were turning into a big brown river. My watch screamed 1:35 and I remember Ms. Diola clearly telling the class NOT to be late. My stomach churned. It churned even more when I look at Sam and see she isn't worried a bit. Their car was broken (talk about perfect timing) so her dad made me call the guards to send over a taxi. 15 minutes had gone by and I was on the verge of biting my nails out of anxiety. No sign of the goddamned taxi. Thank God, however, the rain somehow slowed down and I can see the wet asphalt on the streets. Sam's mom had us wear plastic bags over our shoes so they wouldn't get wet. So imagine us with Teletubby feet. It was nearing 2:00 when we decided, courageously, to walk. It was, however, FAR from the depths of our knowledge that we were to encounter a HUGE BROWN SWIMMING POOL towards school. So I can totally see that Sam was really disgusted but I love stuff like that. You know, the adventure. It was fun, getting wet and dirty and flipping people off because they were totally laughing at our misfortune. Okay, so we arrived at 2:05 and thank the Lord Ms. Diola was kind enough to understand that we had to go get teletubby feet, get laughed at by people and constantly worry if we had missed the exams. In the end, I got home with a smile, a story to tell, and a flu.
2. Him
I totally missed him. Haven't seen him since last Friday and I could say that the Law of Gravitation worked here. The further you are, the less attracted you will be. Because when I last saw him, he touched my hand and to my surprise, I felt nothing. An awful nothing. So I thought maybe I didn't like him anymore. Moreover, I was thinking of him less and less everyday. Half of me was glad because I didn't have to feel so anxious when I don't see him and half of me was not so glad because I like what I feel when I see him. So today, I saw him. And voila, still head over heeels shaken. I gave him that Japanese chocolate. (hehehe) I hope he likes it.
3. My health
So the rain last Tuesday took its toll and now I'm coughing non-stop 24/7. My throat hurt, so does my nose from too much blowing and I can hardly sleep. I also got this fever but it's gone now. My step-sister had just given birth and my parents came over. I cried when I knew. So like now, I'm feeling better. I think my body is in the process of getting well. Which is good because I don't have to worry about disturbing my boardmates when I cough like a goddamned shotgun.
4. The MIDTERMS
SO far, so great. The tests weren't that hard (for me at least) and I thought I did good in all of 'em. Well, hopefully. And I sooo can't wait to get home. Another week in Cebu will kill me. I mean everything in this city is sooo NOT conducive to good health.
Okay, today is Saturday. And I'm smiling because I'm done washing my clothes. We have a meeting today at 8:00 and as usual, the rest of them started coming at 9:00 so I was left alone reading FHM, listening to Kuroki Meisa and shivering from the side-effects of the goddamned Bricanyl. After the meeting, I slept for a bit and went to SM.
I shopped for slippers and a new book. WHen I went home, Mark texted me to go back because he was treating me to a movie. I was thinking twice but then Ezra and Dara were coming so I got dressed and waited for them outside. Ezra was there and we shared an umbrella. Yeah right. SO I totally do NOT feel anything towards him anymore. And there was this big dog.
we wacthed wall e. Nice. we ate in Jollibee. we rode a jeep and got home. So far that was it. Oh and I slept with a smile. Great. :-D
Sunday, July 13, 2008
One Rockin' Night
I had plans for the Acquaintance Party last night. And most of them were disappointed. Thanks to Sam, thanks to my inability to refuse. Fuck, I know. Nevertheless, the night was PERFECT.
I wanted to have myself made-up in a salon but Sam wanted to fix our hairs at 3 o'clock and I didn't want to put on make-up that early. And hello? Am I supposed to walk all the way back to their house looking like a made-up idiot? SO I figured maybe her mom could make me up. But then again, when she'd tell me to close my eyes so she could put on my eyeshadow, I wouldn't understand, would I? So hell dawned on me: I was going to have to put on the make-up on myself myself. I went cold. I'm not much of a make-up artist but I still tried. And then another hell: I forgot my concealer. Can you spell pimples? Haha. I struggled to cover them with powder but fuck, they still showed. So I sighed and told myself: "OH well, at least I look hot in my dress"
And I did. I needed to show my legs so it won't be too obvious that I'm quite short. I thought I looked quite pretty and everybody seemed to agree. I love my hair. It's so shiny. Julia (love her/him) instructed us to come at five but the Korean won't let me go so I was an hour late. But what the hell, so was everybody else! HE was already there when I arrived and dude, he looked hot! I complimented him and he gave me this heart-melting smile. Plus, I get to hear him say my name again. It was at that point that I had an inkling that the night was going to be beautiful.
True enough, I made new friends, I couldn't stop smiling and I forgot that I was barely wearing any make-up. To hell with looking good, what was important was that I felt beautiful. Meg, Patette and Anja and everybody else looked breathtaking and I couldn't be any less proud. My sister's gown looked divine on Meg. She won Ms. Friendship too. Patette got Best in Production Number and Anja Best in Gown and second runner up. I had little "encounters" with him too.
AH, his hand on my cheek. I felt my heart disintegrating. Well, haha. That was enough to make this year's acquaintance party the most memorable and enjoyable yet. Kudos to Julia!
I'm ending my post here.Because I don't think no amount of words could contain what I felt that night. It's like tasting music. Yum.
Pictures are on my friendster profile (links dude).
I wanted to have myself made-up in a salon but Sam wanted to fix our hairs at 3 o'clock and I didn't want to put on make-up that early. And hello? Am I supposed to walk all the way back to their house looking like a made-up idiot? SO I figured maybe her mom could make me up. But then again, when she'd tell me to close my eyes so she could put on my eyeshadow, I wouldn't understand, would I? So hell dawned on me: I was going to have to put on the make-up on myself myself. I went cold. I'm not much of a make-up artist but I still tried. And then another hell: I forgot my concealer. Can you spell pimples? Haha. I struggled to cover them with powder but fuck, they still showed. So I sighed and told myself: "OH well, at least I look hot in my dress"
And I did. I needed to show my legs so it won't be too obvious that I'm quite short. I thought I looked quite pretty and everybody seemed to agree. I love my hair. It's so shiny. Julia (love her/him) instructed us to come at five but the Korean won't let me go so I was an hour late. But what the hell, so was everybody else! HE was already there when I arrived and dude, he looked hot! I complimented him and he gave me this heart-melting smile. Plus, I get to hear him say my name again. It was at that point that I had an inkling that the night was going to be beautiful.
True enough, I made new friends, I couldn't stop smiling and I forgot that I was barely wearing any make-up. To hell with looking good, what was important was that I felt beautiful. Meg, Patette and Anja and everybody else looked breathtaking and I couldn't be any less proud. My sister's gown looked divine on Meg. She won Ms. Friendship too. Patette got Best in Production Number and Anja Best in Gown and second runner up. I had little "encounters" with him too.
AH, his hand on my cheek. I felt my heart disintegrating. Well, haha. That was enough to make this year's acquaintance party the most memorable and enjoyable yet. Kudos to Julia!
I'm ending my post here.Because I don't think no amount of words could contain what I felt that night. It's like tasting music. Yum.
Pictures are on my friendster profile (links dude).
Sunday, June 29, 2008
The Beginning
I’m sure if you’ve read some of my angst-y posts (like the one below), you’d probably concluded that I’m a dark, VERY emotional person. Well, I am. But not always. My life doesn’t revolve around anger and most of the time, I find myself genuinely laughing and smiling and having fun with the people around me: my friends, my family, strangers. They all shed light to when the nimbus clouds starts to appear. And for that, I can forget the reasons why I’m angry.
I’m writing this post because today and yesterday, I am smiling. And I can’t take it off my face. Maybe it’s because it started to rain, or because my friends are there or here is the reason that occupies most of my head these days: Him. No, not her, not Ezra, not Mark, not Joshua, not James, but Him, the beginning.
I am so not writing his name. I’m still having a hard time even mentioning it. But what is easy though is looking forward to saying hi every time the ring bells after English. I’ve got a crush on him, true, but I’m not sure if this is the lasting one (like with Ezra) or something-that-will-go-away-after-some-short-time things. One thing’s sure though, I’m stuck…and he’s making it very hard for me to extricate myself.
First, he totally knows how to knock me off with his mysterious smile. And he has this twinkle in his eyes, like he’s telling me a secret. And he’s really nice. Like yesterday, Lori and I were frantic about an non-existing speakers. She was going to sing and the song was still raw on my mp3 (yes I got it back). Thank God he was at the department when we went there and provided us with the solution. Second, dude! He thought we were going to dance! I found myself laughing inside. At least he was trying to be funny, right? I also remember him telling us to have a threesome in a singing exam. Lol. Third, he is totally humble. Even though there are girls practically dying to throw themselves at his feet, he still walks around like a normal student and even smiles at people like moi. And for me, that, is very, very attractive. Fourth, he’s smart. Well, I can vouch for it myself because he was our practicing teacher is Speech Class. Even though, he spelled occasion as ocassion, what the hell! I spelled recommendation as reccomendation. Point: everybody makes mistakes.
I am not going to write that I like him because he sings like Josh Groban. He was doing that since my freshman year and I didn’t like him then. I won’t even say I like him because he’s so cute because he’s been cute when I first saw him and I didn’t like him then. Although, his voice does fixate me and those eyes, well, let’s just say, I’ll need my pride to take mine away from staring at his.
Okay, so I’ve finally took some weight from my heart. But really, the most important factor of it all is he makes me smile and provides something for me to look forward too. I won’t make the mistake of taking these trying-to-be-funny antics, his kindness for like. If he likes me, he’ll come around. Right now, I’m sort of satisfied watching him at the corner of my eyes. And when he comes close, what will happen, will happen.
I’m writing this post because today and yesterday, I am smiling. And I can’t take it off my face. Maybe it’s because it started to rain, or because my friends are there or here is the reason that occupies most of my head these days: Him. No, not her, not Ezra, not Mark, not Joshua, not James, but Him, the beginning.
I am so not writing his name. I’m still having a hard time even mentioning it. But what is easy though is looking forward to saying hi every time the ring bells after English. I’ve got a crush on him, true, but I’m not sure if this is the lasting one (like with Ezra) or something-that-will-go-away-after-some-short-time things. One thing’s sure though, I’m stuck…and he’s making it very hard for me to extricate myself.
First, he totally knows how to knock me off with his mysterious smile. And he has this twinkle in his eyes, like he’s telling me a secret. And he’s really nice. Like yesterday, Lori and I were frantic about an non-existing speakers. She was going to sing and the song was still raw on my mp3 (yes I got it back). Thank God he was at the department when we went there and provided us with the solution. Second, dude! He thought we were going to dance! I found myself laughing inside. At least he was trying to be funny, right? I also remember him telling us to have a threesome in a singing exam. Lol. Third, he is totally humble. Even though there are girls practically dying to throw themselves at his feet, he still walks around like a normal student and even smiles at people like moi. And for me, that, is very, very attractive. Fourth, he’s smart. Well, I can vouch for it myself because he was our practicing teacher is Speech Class. Even though, he spelled occasion as ocassion, what the hell! I spelled recommendation as reccomendation. Point: everybody makes mistakes.
I am not going to write that I like him because he sings like Josh Groban. He was doing that since my freshman year and I didn’t like him then. I won’t even say I like him because he’s so cute because he’s been cute when I first saw him and I didn’t like him then. Although, his voice does fixate me and those eyes, well, let’s just say, I’ll need my pride to take mine away from staring at his.
Okay, so I’ve finally took some weight from my heart. But really, the most important factor of it all is he makes me smile and provides something for me to look forward too. I won’t make the mistake of taking these trying-to-be-funny antics, his kindness for like. If he likes me, he’ll come around. Right now, I’m sort of satisfied watching him at the corner of my eyes. And when he comes close, what will happen, will happen.
Friday, June 06, 2008
Anger
I'm really, really angry right now. And I'm crying. And resorting to self-injury.
I haven't been angry like this, ever. Right now, I feel like killing someone and I'm wishing that my sister never wakes up. I hope she dies in her sleep. This all her fault. I'm wishing I never had my friends. Last night was supposed to be wonderful, I thought it was but then they acted like prize jerks. Right now, I'm wishing I never met any one of them and for once, I was ashamed to call them friends. I hope I never see them again. This is all their fault.
Right now, I'm wishing I could stop breathing. And die. And never be alive. It sucks to live, especially when people around you don't understand you, especially when most of them cause you to be disappointed and angry and embarrassed. They're all stupid.
I don't know if what I'm feeling right now is just like an impulse-of-the-moment thing, where what you feel and think depends on your mood. Or if this is what I really feel, regardless of whether I'm angry or not. One thing's for sure though, that I'm really, really angry.
My dad is pissed because my friends dirtied the car. And I'm thinking that'll be the last time they'll be able to ride it. Sometimes, it's okay for them to hurt me and sometimes, I think I can't take it anymore. I love them, with all my heart but right now, I'm not sure if they love me back. I don't feel like talking anymore. My heart is too heavy and I finally realized that they really don't understand what I feel.
I told myself that I'd rather be angry than disappointed but now, I figured you can't be disappointed and not be angry at the same time. And both are weighing down on me worse than I'd have hoped for.
I want to sleep. And wake up somewhere different. Where there are people who won't disappoint me. But then I guess that's all a part of being alive. And that's why being alive sucks. Looking back, I guess, I'd rather be a fish. Oblivious. Unfeeling.
I haven't been angry like this, ever. Right now, I feel like killing someone and I'm wishing that my sister never wakes up. I hope she dies in her sleep. This all her fault. I'm wishing I never had my friends. Last night was supposed to be wonderful, I thought it was but then they acted like prize jerks. Right now, I'm wishing I never met any one of them and for once, I was ashamed to call them friends. I hope I never see them again. This is all their fault.
Right now, I'm wishing I could stop breathing. And die. And never be alive. It sucks to live, especially when people around you don't understand you, especially when most of them cause you to be disappointed and angry and embarrassed. They're all stupid.
I don't know if what I'm feeling right now is just like an impulse-of-the-moment thing, where what you feel and think depends on your mood. Or if this is what I really feel, regardless of whether I'm angry or not. One thing's for sure though, that I'm really, really angry.
My dad is pissed because my friends dirtied the car. And I'm thinking that'll be the last time they'll be able to ride it. Sometimes, it's okay for them to hurt me and sometimes, I think I can't take it anymore. I love them, with all my heart but right now, I'm not sure if they love me back. I don't feel like talking anymore. My heart is too heavy and I finally realized that they really don't understand what I feel.
I told myself that I'd rather be angry than disappointed but now, I figured you can't be disappointed and not be angry at the same time. And both are weighing down on me worse than I'd have hoped for.
I want to sleep. And wake up somewhere different. Where there are people who won't disappoint me. But then I guess that's all a part of being alive. And that's why being alive sucks. Looking back, I guess, I'd rather be a fish. Oblivious. Unfeeling.
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Slumber Party/Horror Marathon and the Housing Fiesta
Friday night was stormy. I felt like the wind was going to tear off our windows and the rain was pretty heavy. Outside, the lightning went off and on, like disco lights. The telephone rang and it was our cousin, Erika, informing us that there would be a sleepover that night and a horror marathon. The weather was pretty freaky so we decided to go (I know, ironic, isn't it?). We watched Alone, it was really creepy and we were all screaming our guts out. In between, we ate Pancit canton, made my our very own Bambino, Andre! I could almost hear him say BENE! lol. Then we watched The Teacher, which isn't a horror movie really, more like the SAW kind of movie, lots of blood and gore. But me like. The story was really good and we (those who weren't sleeping yet) enjoyed it.
11:20 pm, we nestled up and cramped into Auntie Aisle's bed. I should say that even if we were still freaked out, we slept pretty good. When we woke up in the morning, we exchanged funny stories, had a good laugh and went downstairs to have breakfast. Mama and Papa were more than accommodating. Then we watched Ghost Train (2 out of 5 stars -- too many ghosts) We were supposed to stay longer but my sister unexpectedly had her period so we went home ahead of the rest.
Sunday. I had a dilemna. I wanted to stay home. But it was either I go with the rest of the Baje Family to the Tabunok Fiesta or I go to Housing Fiesta by myself. Well, actually, it wasn't really a dilemna because it wasn't very hard to choose between the two alternative. Read this: FRIENDS.
So I'm letting the pictures (taken by our phones) speak for themselves.
Doreen's Advance Birthday/Debut Party giveaway. Her birthday's on the 18th but she still has classes on that day so she had to celebrate her birthday yesterday.
Rain. After Doreen's we headed to Chipoy's and ate (again.) The sky was already very dark when we decided to go to Carole's house. I was very reluctant because I don't really know her that well, I mean we DID only meet once.
But I guess I'd have to say that she was very civil and moments later, we were like close friends. We stayed at their house for about two hours and we went to Raymund's. It was already raining when we went outside.
No amount of rain can ever dampen our camera-whore spirits. *lol*
See how happy we where..
We were already at Raymund's house but we were still up for a couple of photoshoots. This is from left, Carole, Bridget and Elmer with my guitar.
Me and Elmer. We were both in red so we kind of thought to do an emo kind of pose.
AH, FOOD AGAIN!
AND AGAIN!
With BOOZE of course! Haha!
Already 6:30 when we took this. This was our last shot inside the house..
Okay, maybe not..
Shot taken outside. It was really dark. And we were with Raymund's dog, Lucy. We then walked together towards school.
Okay, so when we were jsut doing that, we encountered a group of drunk (not to mention ugly) guys and they were verbally harassing us. We got all freaked out and walked really fast. Luckily, we arrived there without anyone getting hurt. Now, I had a problem. How was I going to get home? And then there was Keith..who was kind enough to take me home on his motorcycle. The bad thing about it though was my mom and dad were right outside when we arrived. Talk about awkward. They must've thought he was my boyfriend or something. No thanks. Keith is soo not my type.
So right now, I'm pissed off because I couldn't download a stupid split file. And I'm thinking later, I'd be up for a lot of questions. Scary.
11:20 pm, we nestled up and cramped into Auntie Aisle's bed. I should say that even if we were still freaked out, we slept pretty good. When we woke up in the morning, we exchanged funny stories, had a good laugh and went downstairs to have breakfast. Mama and Papa were more than accommodating. Then we watched Ghost Train (2 out of 5 stars -- too many ghosts) We were supposed to stay longer but my sister unexpectedly had her period so we went home ahead of the rest.
Sunday. I had a dilemna. I wanted to stay home. But it was either I go with the rest of the Baje Family to the Tabunok Fiesta or I go to Housing Fiesta by myself. Well, actually, it wasn't really a dilemna because it wasn't very hard to choose between the two alternative. Read this: FRIENDS.
So I'm letting the pictures (taken by our phones) speak for themselves.
Doreen's Advance Birthday/Debut Party giveaway. Her birthday's on the 18th but she still has classes on that day so she had to celebrate her birthday yesterday.
Rain. After Doreen's we headed to Chipoy's and ate (again.) The sky was already very dark when we decided to go to Carole's house. I was very reluctant because I don't really know her that well, I mean we DID only meet once.
But I guess I'd have to say that she was very civil and moments later, we were like close friends. We stayed at their house for about two hours and we went to Raymund's. It was already raining when we went outside.
No amount of rain can ever dampen our camera-whore spirits. *lol*
See how happy we where..
We were already at Raymund's house but we were still up for a couple of photoshoots. This is from left, Carole, Bridget and Elmer with my guitar.
Me and Elmer. We were both in red so we kind of thought to do an emo kind of pose.
AH, FOOD AGAIN!
AND AGAIN!
With BOOZE of course! Haha!
Already 6:30 when we took this. This was our last shot inside the house..
Okay, maybe not..
Shot taken outside. It was really dark. And we were with Raymund's dog, Lucy. We then walked together towards school.
Okay, so when we were jsut doing that, we encountered a group of drunk (not to mention ugly) guys and they were verbally harassing us. We got all freaked out and walked really fast. Luckily, we arrived there without anyone getting hurt. Now, I had a problem. How was I going to get home? And then there was Keith..who was kind enough to take me home on his motorcycle. The bad thing about it though was my mom and dad were right outside when we arrived. Talk about awkward. They must've thought he was my boyfriend or something. No thanks. Keith is soo not my type.
So right now, I'm pissed off because I couldn't download a stupid split file. And I'm thinking later, I'd be up for a lot of questions. Scary.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
My Boss, My Hero *and my loneliness*
Today, my mom, my sister and my dad are arriving from Manila after being there for a week or so. But suddenly, I wanna be alone. Maybe it was because I feel bad because they weren't able to buy me that frickin dress. But I guess I'm grown used to being alone. I really am an introvert, ain't I? And besides, I enjoyed the whole week they were away. I was able to host a swim and a sleepover, I downloaded a whole bunch of KAT-TUN goodies and I re-discovered my love for Japan, which was good. The only downside was I had trouble sleeping right away because I was afraid I'd find a white-dressed girl with long hair and a deep-rooted grudge when I opened my eyes. Plus, the crickets outside were distracting me a lot. It would have been a good time to listen to good music. Unfortunately, I still haven't received any updates on my broken mp4 from Abenson.
So last night, I slept smiling. I just finished My Boss, My Hero.
It's a very beautiful and funny school drama about a third generation Yakuza heir, Makio Sakiki (Nagase Tomoya, lead singer of TOKIO), 27 years old, Scorpio *lol*. He would have been perfect for boss except that he's VERY stupid. He blew this 27 Million Yen deal because he didn't know what 27+5+5 is. So in order to correct this, his father sends him back to high-school. He opposes this but if he refused, his father would make his younger brother the boss. He didn't want that so he finally agreed.
With the help of his faithful underlings, the most loyal perhaps is Kazu (played by Koki *yay*), he is able to go to St. Agnes (his high-school) without being exposed. There he meets Jun Sakurakoji (Tegoshi Yuya of NEWS), which he calls Sakura-something, and Hikari Umemura, the midget, who would eventually become a lumbrjack and who constantly whack his heart stupid. I find this really funny. A lady-killer 27-year-old Yakuza boss getting all stutter-y and lovey-dovey over a little girl ten years his junior.
I also like Sakura-something. He calls Makio "Makky". Pretty tacky to call a Yakuza boss such a cute name, huh? First, "Makky" is annoyed with Jun but eventually they become very good friends. His homeroom teacher, Masami-sensei (Kashii Yuu) also plays an important role in his life. She gives him a reason to learn and encourages him to go on forward. Makio starts to adjust to his classmates and has fun with them. He even appoints himself the class leader and he I say he did a pretty good job. He brought a class full of indifferent students together and was able to establish a sense of friendship among all of them.
In the end though, their rival gang exposed him and he was expelled, unable to graduate. He got elected boss but he voluntarily gave up the position to his younger brother and went back to high-school in another school.
The drama ended up good and it made me cry a lot. I guess it shows that even for a 27-year-old Yakuza, it's not too late to experience youth, love and friendship. The drama was just about those. And now, I'm suddenly getting nostalgic. I want high-school once more!!!
So last night, I slept smiling. I just finished My Boss, My Hero.
It's a very beautiful and funny school drama about a third generation Yakuza heir, Makio Sakiki (Nagase Tomoya, lead singer of TOKIO), 27 years old, Scorpio *lol*. He would have been perfect for boss except that he's VERY stupid. He blew this 27 Million Yen deal because he didn't know what 27+5+5 is. So in order to correct this, his father sends him back to high-school. He opposes this but if he refused, his father would make his younger brother the boss. He didn't want that so he finally agreed.
With the help of his faithful underlings, the most loyal perhaps is Kazu (played by Koki *yay*), he is able to go to St. Agnes (his high-school) without being exposed. There he meets Jun Sakurakoji (Tegoshi Yuya of NEWS), which he calls Sakura-something, and Hikari Umemura, the midget, who would eventually become a lumbrjack and who constantly whack his heart stupid. I find this really funny. A lady-killer 27-year-old Yakuza boss getting all stutter-y and lovey-dovey over a little girl ten years his junior.
I also like Sakura-something. He calls Makio "Makky". Pretty tacky to call a Yakuza boss such a cute name, huh? First, "Makky" is annoyed with Jun but eventually they become very good friends. His homeroom teacher, Masami-sensei (Kashii Yuu) also plays an important role in his life. She gives him a reason to learn and encourages him to go on forward. Makio starts to adjust to his classmates and has fun with them. He even appoints himself the class leader and he I say he did a pretty good job. He brought a class full of indifferent students together and was able to establish a sense of friendship among all of them.
In the end though, their rival gang exposed him and he was expelled, unable to graduate. He got elected boss but he voluntarily gave up the position to his younger brother and went back to high-school in another school.
The drama ended up good and it made me cry a lot. I guess it shows that even for a 27-year-old Yakuza, it's not too late to experience youth, love and friendship. The drama was just about those. And now, I'm suddenly getting nostalgic. I want high-school once more!!!
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Sex and Something Random
Well today I am waiting for the KAT-TUN Real Face Concert to finish downloading on my torrent. I can hardly wait because it's already 97.9% finished. The problem that I am now facing is the lack of peers and the download speed has been zero since I last checked in. Last night, it was pretty fast, then it stopped. Dammit.
I watched Plum Blossoms last night and Summer Time the other night, just to kill time. They're Korean movies revolving around sex. Well sex. I like the idea of sex. Not that I ever had sex but because I just like it. Honestly, I don't know. But really, everybody likes sex and nobody needs a reason why. So Plum Blossoms, not my kind of movie. Plus, it was Kim Rae Woon who did the lead role and it's kind of weird seeing a guy, who plays the good 'ole boy-next-door in all the dramas I've seen, masturbate and use women for his sexual pleasure. And it was weird because in the movie, the first time he did it was in a beautiful greenhouse. Yeah, plants and all. So yeah I thought it was really strange for people to do that in a greenhouse but I actually got turned on.
So the night before I watched Summer Time. It was more or less the re-make of the Philippine movie Scorpio Nights. The movie had no plot. Just several sex scenes--the same position (dogy-style), the same couple. It was boring and I didn't like it. The story was about this college student who watches his apartment neighbors have sex through the peephole. The wife pretends to be asleep while her husband humps her (pardon the word) so he thought that, "Hmmn, maybe I could steal some good time". And he did, imitating how her husband does it every time. From drinking a glass of water first to touching her ass to the actual sex. And it was pretty stupid because the wife never found out that she was having sex with another guy until they decided to take the missionary position where she could see who she's fucking with. But then she doesn't object and they have sex all the time until they got caught and her husband kills the poor guy.
And the only part where I actually felt sympathy for the girl was when I found out that her husband actually raped her before they got married. And she was a ballet dancer. But then she gave her dream up to tie the knot with an asshole.
So, what do I think about sex? I honestly can't answer that. I think it's bogus and beautiful at the same time. People get horny, that's a fact of life. And having sex is too. But I don't think people need to rush it and I think it wouldn't matter in a relationship if two people love each other. Well, if ever I get myself a boyfriend, I'd make it known that I'll never do him unless he marries me.
Oh dear. I am blabbering again. Oh and I just cleaned the bathroom. Tsk, looks like I'm really bored, huh?
I watched Plum Blossoms last night and Summer Time the other night, just to kill time. They're Korean movies revolving around sex. Well sex. I like the idea of sex. Not that I ever had sex but because I just like it. Honestly, I don't know. But really, everybody likes sex and nobody needs a reason why. So Plum Blossoms, not my kind of movie. Plus, it was Kim Rae Woon who did the lead role and it's kind of weird seeing a guy, who plays the good 'ole boy-next-door in all the dramas I've seen, masturbate and use women for his sexual pleasure. And it was weird because in the movie, the first time he did it was in a beautiful greenhouse. Yeah, plants and all. So yeah I thought it was really strange for people to do that in a greenhouse but I actually got turned on.
So the night before I watched Summer Time. It was more or less the re-make of the Philippine movie Scorpio Nights. The movie had no plot. Just several sex scenes--the same position (dogy-style), the same couple. It was boring and I didn't like it. The story was about this college student who watches his apartment neighbors have sex through the peephole. The wife pretends to be asleep while her husband humps her (pardon the word) so he thought that, "Hmmn, maybe I could steal some good time". And he did, imitating how her husband does it every time. From drinking a glass of water first to touching her ass to the actual sex. And it was pretty stupid because the wife never found out that she was having sex with another guy until they decided to take the missionary position where she could see who she's fucking with. But then she doesn't object and they have sex all the time until they got caught and her husband kills the poor guy.
And the only part where I actually felt sympathy for the girl was when I found out that her husband actually raped her before they got married. And she was a ballet dancer. But then she gave her dream up to tie the knot with an asshole.
So, what do I think about sex? I honestly can't answer that. I think it's bogus and beautiful at the same time. People get horny, that's a fact of life. And having sex is too. But I don't think people need to rush it and I think it wouldn't matter in a relationship if two people love each other. Well, if ever I get myself a boyfriend, I'd make it known that I'll never do him unless he marries me.
Oh dear. I am blabbering again. Oh and I just cleaned the bathroom. Tsk, looks like I'm really bored, huh?
Friday, May 02, 2008
Home Alone
I don't know if I'm regretting my decision to stay.
Tuesday night, I was ecstatic to see my sister, my mom and my dad leave. Well, one of the reasons why was because they were (mom and dad) fighting that same night. They're leaving to get my sister enrolled in UP Diliman so they'll have to stay in Manila at least a week because she has this freshman orientation thing on May 5. So that means, I'm all alone for 7-10 days. I rejoice in the fact that no one will get in the way of the things I wanna do like watching porn, staying up late, cooking really disastrous stuff and practicing my pronunciation.
So Wednesday, I thought of having my friends come over but then I figured I'd have to prepare. And since no one's home, the word 'sleepover' popped in. Raymund had just arrived from Manila so I also thought that maybe we could steal a little swim in Humbayon as well. A sleepover and a swim were a lot of things to plan over a day so I decided to go to Ormoc Wednesdayand buy food and have them come over on Thursday instead.
Group messages were sent and word was spread. At two o'clock, I started to sweat and they started to arrive. I asked Kuya Opao to drive us there so there were no transportation problems whatsoever. I wanted to see at least 10 people but there were only 9 of us, which in more ways that one, made me sigh (in relief). It was labor day so there were a number of people at Humbayon too so we waited until several of them left. We had fun swimming and diving (hardly) and teasing each other's ass off, laughing and just being ourselves. It would have been a lot more fun though if there were more of us. But nonetheless, we were happy among our little group. We had to leave at five and when we got home, we faced our "sleepover issue"
See, only three of them actually confirmed that they were sleeping over. Raymund, Ytel and Carl. Problem was, Ytel didn't want to be the only girl sleeping over and if Ytel didn't sleep over, there was no way that Raymund and Carl would. I couldn't do anything so I just got them to at least have dinner with me. After dinner, we went upstairs in pursuit of a good horror movie marathon. I promised them I'd let them leave at nine. Unfortunately, the tv had some brightness problems and we couldn't see the faces properly. Furthermore, the boys were a constant distraction. But we had nothing else better to do so we just tolerated the movie.
Tick tock. Nine o'clock. To my luck, they were getting homier and homier. And if I applied a little more strain, I was sure they'd finally give in and choke a permission out their parents. Gael and Sheila were out of the question. They wouldn't stay no matter what I say. So I concentrated on the hesitant ones like Caren, Ezra, Ytel, Carl and Raymund. Yay me I got them to stay. Chipoy and Antonieto weren't able to come with us during the swim but they caught up with the sleepover.
It was nearly twelve when we decided to watch Van Wilder 2. I got them to sleep in the Master's Bedroom because it had an aircon and we could all fit in there. Carl was the first one to sleep. Then, Chipoy, then Raymund, then Ytel, then me.
Three o'clock am, I was awakened at the voices of Ezra and Antonieto talking. Apparently, they couldn't sleep. I got up and talked to them for a bit, you know, catch up. My eyes got heavy and I got back to sleep.
It was six when I got up. Carl and Chipoy were already up. Seven, we had breakfast. Between that and eight, we talked and watched another horror movie. At nine, they left.
And suddenly, that dreaded word whacked me hard on the head like a volleyball. I was alone again. Today, I just slept through the whole morning and afternoon. My whole body was sore when I got up. Then it rained and I got nostalgic and I cried a little bit and here I am, writing it down.
It's kind of funny when I see the house really empty without my family and friends. When they're here, I'd wish they weren't. And if they weren't, I'd wish they were. Maybe it's normal when you feel lonely. Or when you start to miss people. I've only been alone for a day and I'm already feeling depressed.
Oh well. It just scares me to think that I'll be feeling this way for seven more days. I hope I can cope with my loneliness. I suck at it but I know I'll get by. Eventually :-D
Tuesday night, I was ecstatic to see my sister, my mom and my dad leave. Well, one of the reasons why was because they were (mom and dad) fighting that same night. They're leaving to get my sister enrolled in UP Diliman so they'll have to stay in Manila at least a week because she has this freshman orientation thing on May 5. So that means, I'm all alone for 7-10 days. I rejoice in the fact that no one will get in the way of the things I wanna do like watching porn, staying up late, cooking really disastrous stuff and practicing my pronunciation.
So Wednesday, I thought of having my friends come over but then I figured I'd have to prepare. And since no one's home, the word 'sleepover' popped in. Raymund had just arrived from Manila so I also thought that maybe we could steal a little swim in Humbayon as well. A sleepover and a swim were a lot of things to plan over a day so I decided to go to Ormoc Wednesdayand buy food and have them come over on Thursday instead.
Group messages were sent and word was spread. At two o'clock, I started to sweat and they started to arrive. I asked Kuya Opao to drive us there so there were no transportation problems whatsoever. I wanted to see at least 10 people but there were only 9 of us, which in more ways that one, made me sigh (in relief). It was labor day so there were a number of people at Humbayon too so we waited until several of them left. We had fun swimming and diving (hardly) and teasing each other's ass off, laughing and just being ourselves. It would have been a lot more fun though if there were more of us. But nonetheless, we were happy among our little group. We had to leave at five and when we got home, we faced our "sleepover issue"
See, only three of them actually confirmed that they were sleeping over. Raymund, Ytel and Carl. Problem was, Ytel didn't want to be the only girl sleeping over and if Ytel didn't sleep over, there was no way that Raymund and Carl would. I couldn't do anything so I just got them to at least have dinner with me. After dinner, we went upstairs in pursuit of a good horror movie marathon. I promised them I'd let them leave at nine. Unfortunately, the tv had some brightness problems and we couldn't see the faces properly. Furthermore, the boys were a constant distraction. But we had nothing else better to do so we just tolerated the movie.
Tick tock. Nine o'clock. To my luck, they were getting homier and homier. And if I applied a little more strain, I was sure they'd finally give in and choke a permission out their parents. Gael and Sheila were out of the question. They wouldn't stay no matter what I say. So I concentrated on the hesitant ones like Caren, Ezra, Ytel, Carl and Raymund. Yay me I got them to stay. Chipoy and Antonieto weren't able to come with us during the swim but they caught up with the sleepover.
It was nearly twelve when we decided to watch Van Wilder 2. I got them to sleep in the Master's Bedroom because it had an aircon and we could all fit in there. Carl was the first one to sleep. Then, Chipoy, then Raymund, then Ytel, then me.
Three o'clock am, I was awakened at the voices of Ezra and Antonieto talking. Apparently, they couldn't sleep. I got up and talked to them for a bit, you know, catch up. My eyes got heavy and I got back to sleep.
It was six when I got up. Carl and Chipoy were already up. Seven, we had breakfast. Between that and eight, we talked and watched another horror movie. At nine, they left.
And suddenly, that dreaded word whacked me hard on the head like a volleyball. I was alone again. Today, I just slept through the whole morning and afternoon. My whole body was sore when I got up. Then it rained and I got nostalgic and I cried a little bit and here I am, writing it down.
It's kind of funny when I see the house really empty without my family and friends. When they're here, I'd wish they weren't. And if they weren't, I'd wish they were. Maybe it's normal when you feel lonely. Or when you start to miss people. I've only been alone for a day and I'm already feeling depressed.
Oh well. It just scares me to think that I'll be feeling this way for seven more days. I hope I can cope with my loneliness. I suck at it but I know I'll get by. Eventually :-D
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Something from Bohol
Okay so, Bohol. Gah! This post is sooo two weeks late and I'm effing sorry for that. I was just too bummed lazy to upload the pics. The fact that I didn't look good in most of them didn't help either. So what triggered me to still write this is BOREDOM. And because I'm blowing phlegm out of my nose every ten seconds. So I'm posting the pictures and let them speak for themselves. I'm just going to write a itsy-bitsy piece of my mind below them.
This was a very beautiful scene from outside the Bohol Plaza Hotel. It's like built on a mountain or something. It's just breath-taking when you look down and see all these greens before you. Makes you wonder why some people think the Philippines is ugly.
Okay, we (me, my sister and my step-dad) were in Hinagdan Cave here. It was dark so we really couldn't see the drawings. It was creepy-ly beautiful. And there's this cute little spring inside.
So here we are posing for the almost-dead effing camera. Gah, I have red eyes! And a red shirt!
The Loay-Loboc River. Oh, oh! I love it here! For lunch, we went to the RiverCruise restaurant. It's like a floating restaurant or something and it sails around the river. We waited half-an-hour for it to embark. It was so beautiful! I kept going "sugoi" to myself. The water was soo green, I fell in love with it!
The Ga--forgot-the-name-of-the-tribe Tribe. We stopped here for about 15 minutes and hanged-out with a bunch of dancing, modeling and fiery-arrow throwing Ita kids. Ooh, there was one Ita who was soo hot I couldn't stop staring at his abs!
Hehe, couldn't help a vanity shot at the Chocolate Hills.
Eh, how could litle hills like this be so Chocolate-y? They're breath-taking. Once you see those brown little mountains, the 180 energy-knocking steps is all worth it. And of course, worth facing my fear of heights.
This is the Hanging Bridge behind me. And it's not called "hanging" for a reason. I know I look happy but I was really freaked out. I couldn't even take a single step! Hehe..
O yeah, another river. Bohol should be called the City of Green Waters.
Okay, so you don't go to Bohol without seeing this cute little primates (smalles in fact in the world) called Tarsiers. EEEhh they're just soo cute and big-eyed! Oh and they almost look angry when you stare at them for more than five seconds.
Me and the tarsiers. Okay, I was trying not to defy the "Don't Touch" rule..
Heehee, my dad looks soo cute in this.
That's me in he Bohol Plaza pool. They have a great pool, big and shit. The only problem is the effiNG ancient camera. Gah! It's blurred!!! Eff you camera!
After swimming, I got constipated. Bummer, huh?
Last food I ate in Bohol. I ate some really yummy GOTO. :-D :-D
*******that's the last of Bohol************so we go to CEBU*********************
Yeah, my sister got married and it was obvious that she was pregnant. Yay! I'm gonna be an aunt.
**********************end of Cebu**********************************************
seriously, that's all. Well, I hope the pictures painted enough words. :-D
This was a very beautiful scene from outside the Bohol Plaza Hotel. It's like built on a mountain or something. It's just breath-taking when you look down and see all these greens before you. Makes you wonder why some people think the Philippines is ugly.
Okay, we (me, my sister and my step-dad) were in Hinagdan Cave here. It was dark so we really couldn't see the drawings. It was creepy-ly beautiful. And there's this cute little spring inside.
So here we are posing for the almost-dead effing camera. Gah, I have red eyes! And a red shirt!
The Loay-Loboc River. Oh, oh! I love it here! For lunch, we went to the RiverCruise restaurant. It's like a floating restaurant or something and it sails around the river. We waited half-an-hour for it to embark. It was so beautiful! I kept going "sugoi" to myself. The water was soo green, I fell in love with it!
The Ga--forgot-the-name-of-the-tribe Tribe. We stopped here for about 15 minutes and hanged-out with a bunch of dancing, modeling and fiery-arrow throwing Ita kids. Ooh, there was one Ita who was soo hot I couldn't stop staring at his abs!
Hehe, couldn't help a vanity shot at the Chocolate Hills.
Eh, how could litle hills like this be so Chocolate-y? They're breath-taking. Once you see those brown little mountains, the 180 energy-knocking steps is all worth it. And of course, worth facing my fear of heights.
This is the Hanging Bridge behind me. And it's not called "hanging" for a reason. I know I look happy but I was really freaked out. I couldn't even take a single step! Hehe..
O yeah, another river. Bohol should be called the City of Green Waters.
Okay, so you don't go to Bohol without seeing this cute little primates (smalles in fact in the world) called Tarsiers. EEEhh they're just soo cute and big-eyed! Oh and they almost look angry when you stare at them for more than five seconds.
Me and the tarsiers. Okay, I was trying not to defy the "Don't Touch" rule..
Heehee, my dad looks soo cute in this.
That's me in he Bohol Plaza pool. They have a great pool, big and shit. The only problem is the effiNG ancient camera. Gah! It's blurred!!! Eff you camera!
After swimming, I got constipated. Bummer, huh?
Last food I ate in Bohol. I ate some really yummy GOTO. :-D :-D
*******that's the last of Bohol************so we go to CEBU*********************
Yeah, my sister got married and it was obvious that she was pregnant. Yay! I'm gonna be an aunt.
**********************end of Cebu**********************************************
seriously, that's all. Well, I hope the pictures painted enough words. :-D
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
A Bit of Everything
*sighs*
Well summer is finally here and it's kind of mandatory that I write something in here, even if it's going to be really crappy and stuff. Well here are the highlights of the my life before summer.
1. I lost 15 pounds. How? One decent meal a day. So everyday I'm like: "Wait, I had lunch so I can't have dinner" or "I had breakfast so I can't eat for the rest of the day" Yeah, at first, it was kind of hard. I even bought this "Diet for the Carbohydrates Addict" book which was really stupid because I didn't think that it was meant for those really obese people. So I really had rough time when I started because there was just food everywhere! But then I thought about my dream of becoming a porn star in Japan and how that dream is never going to come true for me if I stay on my 115-pound weight so every time something makes me drool, I just bite my lip and think of the dream fading away. So it worked and I got used to NOT eating. Before I knew it, I was on "starvation period" for five, yes FIVE, months and the weighing scale suddenly read 97 pounds, which is about 45 kilograms.
*But tse...summer always means food so I'm probably going to gain those pounds this month. Actually, I think it's already starting to show. Nooo! And to think I was already looking quite hot in a tankini. *blows nose*
2. I got tipsy, drunk and wasted. Dude, let's face it. I'm in college and being in college entitles anyone, even an introvert such as myself, to indulge into several rounds of drinks. Okay, maybe not few, but whatever. So the first time I got drunk was February 2, 2008. I was with Danielle and we were just finished watching Tuesdays with Morrie. It was a lovely Saturday night and we thought "Hey, let's not waste it on winks" So we went to Fiesta's Crib and ordered two, yes just TWO bottles of Redhorse. The funny thing was that all those people kept staring at me like they were asking themselves "what is a 12-year old doing in a bar with 2 bottles of strong beer?" Well, then I say, "12 year old my ass!" But of course I didn't say that out loud.
Okay, so that was when I found out that I was a HORRIBLY cheap drunk. Just half a bottle and you're already obligated to assist me when I walk.
The second time I got drunk, well not just drunk but TERRIBLY WASTED, was when I got a very questionable, but we didn't question it somehow, 3.0 in Literature. I mean, c'mmon, I'm fucking good at Literature. I even (almost by a point) perfected those stupid midterm exams. So how, you ask, did I get this questionable 3.0? Two missed quizes. One was 50 items and the other 20. So I missed 70 points all in all. Haha. Well, anyway, so I'm not really okay with 3.0 because Literature IS one of my major subjects and no matter how I try to console myself by repeatedly repeating "I'll make it up in the Finals", I'm just fucking depressed. Good thing though, there were several of us who got the same grade and felt the same way so Kuya Rex (an even more genius at literature than i am) suggested a couple of drinks, I was in NO position to DECLINE or DISAGREE! Fuck dude! I got a fucking 3! I didn't even get anything below 2 in math! Fuck!
So we went to this karaoke bar near the Main Campus and ordered one case of strong beer. SO I drained three bottles and a half (keep in mind that one bottle alone can get me really drunk) and before I knew it I was throwing up all over the place. ood thing Danielle was there and she was kind enough to accompany a very wasted ME home. But eugh! I can still remember that sick feeling welling up in the depths of my stomach, forcing its way out my mouth. Gah! Whenever I see beer, I just feel sick. So the next day,I got a terrible hangover and promised myself I would never drink again (Fuck me)
Third time I got drunk was during a random Saturday night when I got this "Damn, I want a beer" urge so I immediately sent a group invitation to my frieds. Unfortunately, only Mark Edson heeded the message (because he just broke up with his girl friend) and went immediately to Harrison's Park. There was a band and the music was ecstatic. Nothing happened though. Not anything fishy, I mean, not in a million years.
Fourth time was when Danielle invited (no actually forced) me to come with her and her councilors (because she's like the SK chairman in Pooc, Talisay) in a swimming spree (god, is that a word) in Villa Teresita. I really didn't want to go because I'm not good in dealing with strangers and I hate it when the word "awkward" pops in, in the middle of a conversation. But alas, Danielle was just too persuasive for me so I gave her a VERY VERY reluctant yes. Surprisingly though, I quite enjoyed myself. Her councilors were fun and friendly and accommodating and I kind of stole several occasions to flirt *laughs* So my new friends offered me beer which I of course indulged because I was in no position to decline (okay, that was an excuse) and got drunk again. And there was a dancefloor and music. So dancefloor+music+beer+great new friends= one wild disco night! Hehe, there were crazy people who make dancing look like sex. But gah, I didn't mind. I was just stoned.
Okay, so those were the times where I enjoyed myself with my newly found friend, Alcohol.
3. I am still confused. Okay so there are times when I just look at a girl, just appraise her and stuff, then I go, "Fuck man, I'm fucking bisexual". *sighs* So all this time I thought I was perfectly straight and I have to go to college and realize that I don't know if I'm really straight or not. Well, one thing is for sure: I am physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually attracted to one girl (strictly speaking, she's the same as me: you guys do the math). So we kissed ( a lot of times ). Hold up, there were no tongues involved. And since that, I've been having weird dreams and daydreams about us not just kissing. (Yeah, what you're thinking is right). *sighs* So I guess that alone officially makes me gay, huh? But I'm not completely gay so BISEXUAL is a more appropriate word. Because I still drool over guys and I still want to have hot steamy wild sex with Ueda Tatsuya and give those Japanese porn stars a run for their money.
And I still dress up like a girl. So I'm not gay. But I don't like to be called bisexual either. So what do I call myself? Confused. That's what.
4. I am officially addicted to DVDs. Well, nothing to elaborate here. Almost all of those who know me know I'm a movie sucker.
5. When you rest you rust. SO rust is enveloping my writing career.
^^^ so far, those are the times that have made me a lasting impression. It's quite a long post but haha, that's a compensation for the months when I haven't posted anything. So I'll post something about Bohol.See ya. :-D
Well summer is finally here and it's kind of mandatory that I write something in here, even if it's going to be really crappy and stuff. Well here are the highlights of the my life before summer.
1. I lost 15 pounds. How? One decent meal a day. So everyday I'm like: "Wait, I had lunch so I can't have dinner" or "I had breakfast so I can't eat for the rest of the day" Yeah, at first, it was kind of hard. I even bought this "Diet for the Carbohydrates Addict" book which was really stupid because I didn't think that it was meant for those really obese people. So I really had rough time when I started because there was just food everywhere! But then I thought about my dream of becoming a porn star in Japan and how that dream is never going to come true for me if I stay on my 115-pound weight so every time something makes me drool, I just bite my lip and think of the dream fading away. So it worked and I got used to NOT eating. Before I knew it, I was on "starvation period" for five, yes FIVE, months and the weighing scale suddenly read 97 pounds, which is about 45 kilograms.
*But tse...summer always means food so I'm probably going to gain those pounds this month. Actually, I think it's already starting to show. Nooo! And to think I was already looking quite hot in a tankini. *blows nose*
2. I got tipsy, drunk and wasted. Dude, let's face it. I'm in college and being in college entitles anyone, even an introvert such as myself, to indulge into several rounds of drinks. Okay, maybe not few, but whatever. So the first time I got drunk was February 2, 2008. I was with Danielle and we were just finished watching Tuesdays with Morrie. It was a lovely Saturday night and we thought "Hey, let's not waste it on winks" So we went to Fiesta's Crib and ordered two, yes just TWO bottles of Redhorse. The funny thing was that all those people kept staring at me like they were asking themselves "what is a 12-year old doing in a bar with 2 bottles of strong beer?" Well, then I say, "12 year old my ass!" But of course I didn't say that out loud.
Okay, so that was when I found out that I was a HORRIBLY cheap drunk. Just half a bottle and you're already obligated to assist me when I walk.
The second time I got drunk, well not just drunk but TERRIBLY WASTED, was when I got a very questionable, but we didn't question it somehow, 3.0 in Literature. I mean, c'mmon, I'm fucking good at Literature. I even (almost by a point) perfected those stupid midterm exams. So how, you ask, did I get this questionable 3.0? Two missed quizes. One was 50 items and the other 20. So I missed 70 points all in all. Haha. Well, anyway, so I'm not really okay with 3.0 because Literature IS one of my major subjects and no matter how I try to console myself by repeatedly repeating "I'll make it up in the Finals", I'm just fucking depressed. Good thing though, there were several of us who got the same grade and felt the same way so Kuya Rex (an even more genius at literature than i am) suggested a couple of drinks, I was in NO position to DECLINE or DISAGREE! Fuck dude! I got a fucking 3! I didn't even get anything below 2 in math! Fuck!
So we went to this karaoke bar near the Main Campus and ordered one case of strong beer. SO I drained three bottles and a half (keep in mind that one bottle alone can get me really drunk) and before I knew it I was throwing up all over the place. ood thing Danielle was there and she was kind enough to accompany a very wasted ME home. But eugh! I can still remember that sick feeling welling up in the depths of my stomach, forcing its way out my mouth. Gah! Whenever I see beer, I just feel sick. So the next day,I got a terrible hangover and promised myself I would never drink again (Fuck me)
Third time I got drunk was during a random Saturday night when I got this "Damn, I want a beer" urge so I immediately sent a group invitation to my frieds. Unfortunately, only Mark Edson heeded the message (because he just broke up with his girl friend) and went immediately to Harrison's Park. There was a band and the music was ecstatic. Nothing happened though. Not anything fishy, I mean, not in a million years.
Fourth time was when Danielle invited (no actually forced) me to come with her and her councilors (because she's like the SK chairman in Pooc, Talisay) in a swimming spree (god, is that a word) in Villa Teresita. I really didn't want to go because I'm not good in dealing with strangers and I hate it when the word "awkward" pops in, in the middle of a conversation. But alas, Danielle was just too persuasive for me so I gave her a VERY VERY reluctant yes. Surprisingly though, I quite enjoyed myself. Her councilors were fun and friendly and accommodating and I kind of stole several occasions to flirt *laughs* So my new friends offered me beer which I of course indulged because I was in no position to decline (okay, that was an excuse) and got drunk again. And there was a dancefloor and music. So dancefloor+music+beer+great new friends= one wild disco night! Hehe, there were crazy people who make dancing look like sex. But gah, I didn't mind. I was just stoned.
Okay, so those were the times where I enjoyed myself with my newly found friend, Alcohol.
3. I am still confused. Okay so there are times when I just look at a girl, just appraise her and stuff, then I go, "Fuck man, I'm fucking bisexual". *sighs* So all this time I thought I was perfectly straight and I have to go to college and realize that I don't know if I'm really straight or not. Well, one thing is for sure: I am physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually attracted to one girl (strictly speaking, she's the same as me: you guys do the math). So we kissed ( a lot of times ). Hold up, there were no tongues involved. And since that, I've been having weird dreams and daydreams about us not just kissing. (Yeah, what you're thinking is right). *sighs* So I guess that alone officially makes me gay, huh? But I'm not completely gay so BISEXUAL is a more appropriate word. Because I still drool over guys and I still want to have hot steamy wild sex with Ueda Tatsuya and give those Japanese porn stars a run for their money.
And I still dress up like a girl. So I'm not gay. But I don't like to be called bisexual either. So what do I call myself? Confused. That's what.
4. I am officially addicted to DVDs. Well, nothing to elaborate here. Almost all of those who know me know I'm a movie sucker.
5. When you rest you rust. SO rust is enveloping my writing career.
^^^ so far, those are the times that have made me a lasting impression. It's quite a long post but haha, that's a compensation for the months when I haven't posted anything. So I'll post something about Bohol.See ya. :-D
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Valentines
okay, so here's what happened to me on Valentines. But first, u guys have to know that I don't usually think that day is so important but since everybody else does, well, what the heck, i just had to go with the flow. truth to be told, i actually woke up nice. i should have expected that the narrow street corner in STo. Rosario would be crowded with flower vendors selling overpriced roses. i wanted to get one for myself but i was just soo broke i couldn't even buy myself water.
i got to school and cwts class was quite the drama. sir khleint was acting strange, saying that would probably be the last meeting he'd have with us. he wouldn't tell us why though. so anyway, we ended up having all those who had nice singing voices in class sing for him. danielle even cried. gah, i almost did.
the day before that, our English 2 teacher gave us an assignment: list 14 ways how to make your Valentines memorable. Lolz. Here's mine.
1. kiss all my friends. (which i did)
2. greet all the people i meet (i also did)
3. participate well in class (which i tried but let the teachers be the judge)
4. wear a smile all day (i had a hard time with this one since there were some little events which triggered a curse or too...like for example: the effing traffic)
5. FLIRT WITH A STRANGER (i failed to do 'cause I only get the guts to flirt from 1-2 bottles of beer and I didn't drink.
6. listen to MASS. (i wanted to but i didn't catch the last one)
7. watch a tear-jerker romance (what the eff, i watched porn instead haha)
8. buy myself a rose (i WANTED TO but i was really broke. danielle's tall new friend, Randy, gave me one though, he was soo sweet ps: tall guys are not my type)
9. PIG OUT!!! (didn't actually happen, since you can't call a cup of rice, an egg and some corn beef pigging out)
10. greet my mom, my sister and my family. (which i did. yay)
11. text all my friends ( i did but only few of 'em replied. tse)
12. write a good blog entry (dude, i didn't have the time. that's why im writing this now)
13. do a good deed (well, i am letting danielle stay with me.)
14. BE HAPPY FOR MYSELF (and i was)
hnmn, this was the first time i ever celebrated Valentines. but what was sad about it was when you see all these couples hugging, kissing, being really close, you realize that you don't have anyone to do all those sweet things to. you don't have anyone to hold an umbrella for you when it rains, to give you a rose, or kiss you goodnight. it sounds all so random but when you see how they look at each other, it makes you wanna melt, it makes you aware that you don't have any of that. and that makes me really jealous. well, at least i got two flowers. one from meg, and the other from Randy. [sighs] well, that was valentines for me. Hopefully, next year's won't be as lonely. [lol]
i got to school and cwts class was quite the drama. sir khleint was acting strange, saying that would probably be the last meeting he'd have with us. he wouldn't tell us why though. so anyway, we ended up having all those who had nice singing voices in class sing for him. danielle even cried. gah, i almost did.
the day before that, our English 2 teacher gave us an assignment: list 14 ways how to make your Valentines memorable. Lolz. Here's mine.
1. kiss all my friends. (which i did)
2. greet all the people i meet (i also did)
3. participate well in class (which i tried but let the teachers be the judge)
4. wear a smile all day (i had a hard time with this one since there were some little events which triggered a curse or too...like for example: the effing traffic)
5. FLIRT WITH A STRANGER (i failed to do 'cause I only get the guts to flirt from 1-2 bottles of beer and I didn't drink.
6. listen to MASS. (i wanted to but i didn't catch the last one)
7. watch a tear-jerker romance (what the eff, i watched porn instead haha)
8. buy myself a rose (i WANTED TO but i was really broke. danielle's tall new friend, Randy, gave me one though, he was soo sweet ps: tall guys are not my type)
9. PIG OUT!!! (didn't actually happen, since you can't call a cup of rice, an egg and some corn beef pigging out)
10. greet my mom, my sister and my family. (which i did. yay)
11. text all my friends ( i did but only few of 'em replied. tse)
12. write a good blog entry (dude, i didn't have the time. that's why im writing this now)
13. do a good deed (well, i am letting danielle stay with me.)
14. BE HAPPY FOR MYSELF (and i was)
hnmn, this was the first time i ever celebrated Valentines. but what was sad about it was when you see all these couples hugging, kissing, being really close, you realize that you don't have anyone to do all those sweet things to. you don't have anyone to hold an umbrella for you when it rains, to give you a rose, or kiss you goodnight. it sounds all so random but when you see how they look at each other, it makes you wanna melt, it makes you aware that you don't have any of that. and that makes me really jealous. well, at least i got two flowers. one from meg, and the other from Randy. [sighs] well, that was valentines for me. Hopefully, next year's won't be as lonely. [lol]
Monday, February 04, 2008
ENOUGH
I've had enough.
I should have sooner. But maybe I had fun fooling around with myself, thinking that things could happen when they can't. I'm tired. I give up. I loose. And that's something I shouldn't mope about. I'm used to loosing. I'm used to having regrets. I'm a looser. So what?
Right now, I'm sick with a fever, a cold and another broken heart. I'll never be good enough for anybody. Or maybe it's just me, being selfish, because I don't want to share. Because I'm jealous that in their world, I'm just a passer-by. That I'm not someone they'll remember when they get old. That there are two hundred other people they'd prefer to be with than me.
Or maybe it's just me, being stupid. Because I expect too much, because I want someone to think about me that way I always think about them. Maybe I want someone, for the first fucking time, to love me back. Maybe, this time, I want someone's world to revolve around me. Maybe I'm sick of falling in love and getting hurt every time because it's always one-sided, because in the end, it'll only be just me.
I want to cry. And I know no one's going to care anyway. Because no one really needs me. Because I know my tears will be useless. Because I'm weak. Because I'm scared. And because every time I am, no one is there to tell me it's going to be okay.
Friends?
Do they really know who I am? Do they really need me or they just have me for that stupid wall that everybody leans on? And maybe I'm tired of being that stupid wall. I'm tired of being there for everybody and not have anybody to be there for me. And maybe, for once, I don't want to help and be selfish and curse and hurt someone. Maybe I don't want to be apprehended. Because I want to help and make people happy in my own time. I don't want them depending on me. Because it hurts every time I see them and the first thing they say is "panlibre beh" and maybe it's because it's my fault.
I was a bad wall. I'm a bad friend.
Or maybe I'm just being crazy. Because my head's spinning and I can't think. Maybe it's just me again, letting my emotions get ahead of me. Maybe I just want attention. Maybe I just wanna dig in the pillow and cry until it doesn't hurt anymore.
Because I really, really want to cry. Because every time I look at myself in the mirror, I don't find any reason to smile. Because I'm not pretty and I'm not beautiful and I'm not fucking good enough! Because I don't love what I see and I don't love who I am because who I am is selfish and lonely and weak. And maybe that's the reason why I always loose.
Because I'm always insecure. Because I'm not confident enought to win. Maybe because when I try to be happy, there's always twice a reason to be sad. Because life is not just about goods and graces, it's about suffering and realizing that you can't have everything you want.
And that's what I'm fast-realizing right now. I never had anything that I wanted. And I stop to think that maybe because I don't deserve any of it. Because I'm just a sore looser.
And I've had enough. I give up. You guys win.
I loose.
I should have sooner. But maybe I had fun fooling around with myself, thinking that things could happen when they can't. I'm tired. I give up. I loose. And that's something I shouldn't mope about. I'm used to loosing. I'm used to having regrets. I'm a looser. So what?
Right now, I'm sick with a fever, a cold and another broken heart. I'll never be good enough for anybody. Or maybe it's just me, being selfish, because I don't want to share. Because I'm jealous that in their world, I'm just a passer-by. That I'm not someone they'll remember when they get old. That there are two hundred other people they'd prefer to be with than me.
Or maybe it's just me, being stupid. Because I expect too much, because I want someone to think about me that way I always think about them. Maybe I want someone, for the first fucking time, to love me back. Maybe, this time, I want someone's world to revolve around me. Maybe I'm sick of falling in love and getting hurt every time because it's always one-sided, because in the end, it'll only be just me.
I want to cry. And I know no one's going to care anyway. Because no one really needs me. Because I know my tears will be useless. Because I'm weak. Because I'm scared. And because every time I am, no one is there to tell me it's going to be okay.
Friends?
Do they really know who I am? Do they really need me or they just have me for that stupid wall that everybody leans on? And maybe I'm tired of being that stupid wall. I'm tired of being there for everybody and not have anybody to be there for me. And maybe, for once, I don't want to help and be selfish and curse and hurt someone. Maybe I don't want to be apprehended. Because I want to help and make people happy in my own time. I don't want them depending on me. Because it hurts every time I see them and the first thing they say is "panlibre beh" and maybe it's because it's my fault.
I was a bad wall. I'm a bad friend.
Or maybe I'm just being crazy. Because my head's spinning and I can't think. Maybe it's just me again, letting my emotions get ahead of me. Maybe I just want attention. Maybe I just wanna dig in the pillow and cry until it doesn't hurt anymore.
Because I really, really want to cry. Because every time I look at myself in the mirror, I don't find any reason to smile. Because I'm not pretty and I'm not beautiful and I'm not fucking good enough! Because I don't love what I see and I don't love who I am because who I am is selfish and lonely and weak. And maybe that's the reason why I always loose.
Because I'm always insecure. Because I'm not confident enought to win. Maybe because when I try to be happy, there's always twice a reason to be sad. Because life is not just about goods and graces, it's about suffering and realizing that you can't have everything you want.
And that's what I'm fast-realizing right now. I never had anything that I wanted. And I stop to think that maybe because I don't deserve any of it. Because I'm just a sore looser.
And I've had enough. I give up. You guys win.
I loose.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
my impossible (?) dream
im surprised im actually writing something in here. well, that's something i would call a miracle.
yesterday was different. i faced the computer whole day, waiting for the kat-tun concert i was downloading to finish. my mom was out. my sister was pretty out of it because she was up until 3'oclock in the morning. *sighs* yesterday was my last whole day in my house. today im going to have to leave again. bummer.
since there was nothing good to do, i just lied there on my bed and started to drift away in another daydream. we just finished the second season of Gokusen so we still had after-drools. kame and jin was soo hot that i suddenly remembered that one impossible dream:
BE A PORN STAR.
i know, i know. for someone who doesn't look the part, it's pretty impossible. but i believe in myself, that i can make myself look beautiful in the eyes of other people. i don't wanna be a pornstar because im a sex-maniac but because i think being able to do those things on tv speaks a lot about a person and how confident he/she is. i've never really been confident. i can talk to people but somewhere inside me, i know i think im not as good enough.
being physically beautiful is top priority if you want yourself sold. because people look at that first. and if you don't pass the first test, you fail the rest. that's why im trying really hard to loose weight. i've tried crash diet and it actually works. whatever. it was no use anyway because i gained them back over Christmas. tse.
oh and i vow, i will VOW, to go to Japan and make myself popular there.
okay, okay. *sighs* im sorry im not making any sense. my writer's block just got frickin worse. i just stare at the blank screen and wind up deleting every letter i write. sometimes it wears me off and gets me really depressed but i think ive gotten used to it. i don't know when i'll get my inspiration back but i feel that it will come soon. and when it does, the words'll just flow.
yesterday was different. i faced the computer whole day, waiting for the kat-tun concert i was downloading to finish. my mom was out. my sister was pretty out of it because she was up until 3'oclock in the morning. *sighs* yesterday was my last whole day in my house. today im going to have to leave again. bummer.
since there was nothing good to do, i just lied there on my bed and started to drift away in another daydream. we just finished the second season of Gokusen so we still had after-drools. kame and jin was soo hot that i suddenly remembered that one impossible dream:
BE A PORN STAR.
i know, i know. for someone who doesn't look the part, it's pretty impossible. but i believe in myself, that i can make myself look beautiful in the eyes of other people. i don't wanna be a pornstar because im a sex-maniac but because i think being able to do those things on tv speaks a lot about a person and how confident he/she is. i've never really been confident. i can talk to people but somewhere inside me, i know i think im not as good enough.
being physically beautiful is top priority if you want yourself sold. because people look at that first. and if you don't pass the first test, you fail the rest. that's why im trying really hard to loose weight. i've tried crash diet and it actually works. whatever. it was no use anyway because i gained them back over Christmas. tse.
oh and i vow, i will VOW, to go to Japan and make myself popular there.
okay, okay. *sighs* im sorry im not making any sense. my writer's block just got frickin worse. i just stare at the blank screen and wind up deleting every letter i write. sometimes it wears me off and gets me really depressed but i think ive gotten used to it. i don't know when i'll get my inspiration back but i feel that it will come soon. and when it does, the words'll just flow.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
am i a writer or am i not?
totally blocked out.
those words are probably the best way to describe the writing hiatus that im going through right now. (sighs) writers keep journals. and when you say keep, it means keep, like KEEP writing in it. well, i haven't written in here for four months or something. god, what am i doing? am i a writer or am i not?
i haven't even written anything for Christmas or new year.
well, this Christmas (don't mean to be so blunt and all) was kind of dull compared to last year. i don't why but i feel that way. but new years was great because i get to call my friends. oh and we went to mass. haha. i am so boring, aren't I?
however, i did realize something at the turn of the new year. and i have now come to accept it. i love meg. i don't care if i break a dozen of society rules or if i harbor a million raising eyebrows. the love i feel for her transcends beyond gender. and isn't love unconditional anyway? and if God, if God doesn't allow this kind of love, then why the hell would He let me feel it? God, I just can't stop thinking about her and when i heard her voice when i called her, my heart just somersaulted.
she knows that i love her but i don't want us to get into anything serious. except into a serious friendship. because she's leaving and she's never coming back and people leaving me is always something that I don't get over with, with just over a couple of blog entries or black roast coffee cans or friendly advices.
i don't want to get hurt.
i mean if i get hurt with her, then i'll take the risk. but she's not going to be with me. so i guess i'll just have to wallow in my misery again and write when it finally explodes into words. well, am i a writer or am i not?
i wrote a story about a demon going into high-school and experiencing love first-hand. i couldn't finish writing the third chapter! crap! am i a writer or am i NOT?!!!
oh and i just found out that being born in the year of the horse is bad luck this year. wow. what a perfect year opener for me, dontyathink?
im not writing anything good, am i? (sighs) i guess i need more romantic tv shows, books, messages and phonecalls to get my ass to work. i guess i have to end this crap here. don't wanna bore your guts any more than im sure it already is...xxx
those words are probably the best way to describe the writing hiatus that im going through right now. (sighs) writers keep journals. and when you say keep, it means keep, like KEEP writing in it. well, i haven't written in here for four months or something. god, what am i doing? am i a writer or am i not?
i haven't even written anything for Christmas or new year.
well, this Christmas (don't mean to be so blunt and all) was kind of dull compared to last year. i don't why but i feel that way. but new years was great because i get to call my friends. oh and we went to mass. haha. i am so boring, aren't I?
however, i did realize something at the turn of the new year. and i have now come to accept it. i love meg. i don't care if i break a dozen of society rules or if i harbor a million raising eyebrows. the love i feel for her transcends beyond gender. and isn't love unconditional anyway? and if God, if God doesn't allow this kind of love, then why the hell would He let me feel it? God, I just can't stop thinking about her and when i heard her voice when i called her, my heart just somersaulted.
she knows that i love her but i don't want us to get into anything serious. except into a serious friendship. because she's leaving and she's never coming back and people leaving me is always something that I don't get over with, with just over a couple of blog entries or black roast coffee cans or friendly advices.
i don't want to get hurt.
i mean if i get hurt with her, then i'll take the risk. but she's not going to be with me. so i guess i'll just have to wallow in my misery again and write when it finally explodes into words. well, am i a writer or am i not?
i wrote a story about a demon going into high-school and experiencing love first-hand. i couldn't finish writing the third chapter! crap! am i a writer or am i NOT?!!!
oh and i just found out that being born in the year of the horse is bad luck this year. wow. what a perfect year opener for me, dontyathink?
im not writing anything good, am i? (sighs) i guess i need more romantic tv shows, books, messages and phonecalls to get my ass to work. i guess i have to end this crap here. don't wanna bore your guts any more than im sure it already is...xxx
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