my love

who are you, my love?
whisper it to the wind
so when it comes to me
i shall feel you instead

what is the matter, my love?
why are you sad and all alone?
i can't bear you solitude any longer
so come and just follow me

come, my love, let us go to the fields
let us lie down on the flowers and sleep
come touch me with your tender kisses
and i shall embrace you with my soul

let us dance near the fire my love
and stop when endlessness begins
ask me now, my love, to marry you
and i shall seal our fate with my yes

we shall live in the trees, my love
in the river, the sea and in the fields
we shall run all day with the flowers, my love
and dance all night with the stars

but why must not you stay, my love?
why do you have to cross my lovely seas?
will you not promise, my love, to come back
to come back and kiss my hand again?

how many hours my love must I stare at the sea?
how many days must I sleep on the flowers alone?
how many years must I wait for your solemn return?
and how many centuries must my soul long for yours?

be quick my love and return to me soon
the flowers are beginning to fade now
the sea, my love, is starting to eat the sand
and the gentle wind has now gone mad

who are you, my love and where have you been?
why can't i recognize your beautiful face?
the wind my love is whispering another man's name
it must have been him all this time

who are you my love? Please tell me your name
tell me where you live and where you’ve gone
teach me how to speak your tongue so I could say
i love you, my love, but i don't know you at all

my clasmeyts Part I

well, i was on the clouds thinking of something new to write about then i caught sight of our class picture when i was still a freshman and i thought, hey, my classmates are a big part of who i am so here it is!
well, our class is (please vouce, those friends who are reading this) one very cool unit where i think love,cooperation and respect exist. well, not really everytime because we fight a lot and most of the time, we contradict each other's opinions but we always seem to find a way to settle down on one idea and cooperate to work it out. i mean, how many group competitions have we won when we worked together? well, there was balagtasan, the colombus choral reading thingy and that christmas caroling contest. and we also did a good job during the prom even if we did everything in the last minute!

hmm *strokes chin* speaking of last minute, we are technically the self-proclaimed last-minute class because we do everything on the 11th hour, even if the procrastination cost our lives. take the prom for example. we laid these very good plans in november but we started working it out on the week before prom night! funny? nah uh...we've been through a lot of scolding because of that plus it nearly resulted into our adviser giving us the you-don't exist treatment. but whatever, as i said, we always find a way to work things out and prom was okay,although not for me because i was coughing guts out the whole time.

well, enough with the unit thingy...the point i wanna make in this update is my own perspective revolving around every single individual in our rickety classroom. well, first i wanna start talking about my very first friends in class...ezra, carl and steffi. *sighs* if u people think im overly-talkative right now, put the blameon these three people,especially mr.tantalizing eyes. well,ezra did have beautiful eyes and i feel happy and comfortable when we talk and i'm not any shy to admit that he was first crush..okay,i know that was lame but i think he understood that and i guess that's one of his browny points:you know, the ability to sense if a person likes you like you...well, enough with that blabber and im single now (like i ever had a boyfriend...)..let's move to carl. if u ask me about his sexuality, i don't think he's gay although a lot of people say he is. well,not because he looked like one but because he talks like one. but that's the thing i like about carl, he talks and he makes people laugh...and he is so not gay. not only that, he has the skills of da vinci..that guy is one hell of an artist i must say and i thnk those drawing things of his take him to far places. next, steffi. hmm...i can talk forever about that girl but i'll try to be brief. just like she always says, brevity is the soul of wit! *luaghs* well, anyway...she's not who she looks like. she's very beautiful, not to mention rich but it's amazing how she remains very humble despite of that. she may also look the girly type but a big part of her's gothic. but i think a teeny weeny part is still a girl...wahaha...she knows a lot, she talks about what she knows and she's the real thing. no layers of plastic, no hard covers, she's 100% real. she also knows what she feels and stands by it to the last ditch. well, that's what i think she is.

speaking of stipay (which is steffi's other name), who else but mr. shut-up comes to mind. who, you ask? no less than the boy-next-door mr. raymund conde.well, he isn't really the boy-next-door type of guy because most of the time he's quiet and tells other people to do the same. just don't ask my why i connected him to her because it's not my story to tell. there is more to him than meets the eye because after all boys will be boys but whatever. one hell of an artist, too! love his drawings, i even stole one and told people i drew it! *snickers* bwahaha, enough with that. raymund also kinda makes me think about campus hottie earl benigay.

earl,earl,earl, where do i begin with earl? hmm, i can cram him up in just three simple words. insenstive,handsome and gentleman. well he is. i guess that's why girls ran after him like chickens. but i don't think he fully understands that yet because that guy can be very stupid at times...welll...it's not just him..all the guys who take interest in women are stupid. they look for something they want and when it hits them in the eyes, they let it slip through their fingers. hmm...i guess you get the point.well, he's also prom king,you know. with earl, comes quennie, cristel, caren, sherezelle, dolly and a whole bunch of women who i don't know. let's start of with quennie. another girl who is more than meets the eye. she looks very quiet but when you earn her trust, you'll learn she talks a lot. very intelligent, kind, generous and i lost her blue scissor which i will replace this school year.. >_<..hehe,well i though at first she was maldita pero frst impressions dnt last for long coz when i got to know her better, she's the exact opposite from maldita plus she's our perfect secretary!

waaaaaah!! *_*...im tired already. i'll just continue this blabber tom0rrow...to my classmates: you guys are the best!

in dark solitude

i can feel the upsurge of heat all around
vitiating every sense left of me
i wait as the sun radiates its final rays
and the night presses in on me harder

it's getting grim now
i can feel myself breathe
my heart is beating faster
im all alone in this dark solitude

i wished for someone to sit with me
but those who came did not stay
they laugh with me for a while
and the next they say goodbye

im all alone in my dark solitude
with no one to talk to
im holding back my dreams from myself
because im all alone in all of them

i walk alone through the dusty road
with no hand to hold under the rain
im all alone now but still i smile
because i knew i was never lonely

bad mornin' grr...

this morning was horrible. when i woke up,i felt certain pain assailing on my back, holding me back from getting up the usual way. when i glanced at the clock, it was quaRTER to eight, barely enough time to eat and take a bath so that i could go to church. and then when my parents came back, it became utterly worse.
i was preparing my own breakfast when they came and my stepdad just started to joke sarcastically about us not going to mass. i was a bit annoyed and then i went upstairs and got the same treatment from my mother. argh! she even compared me with my classmate whom she saw at mass early this morning and started pushing at my face that i was very lazy i couldn't even clean my room! i held my frustration from letting out by increasing the volume of the television so i wouldn't hear her tell me all this shit...i guess it was a good thing that gothica was on air...so that i would hear halle beary scream instead of her. well, imagine how happy i was when i heard they were leaving for that stupid farm. i wished they would never ever come back.

she just doesn't get it. all that we are now, well, me and my sister are all her doing! the fact that we don't know how to clean our room was because we were used to having someone clean it out for us. the reason why we don't know how to cook was we were used to have someone else cook for us and the reason why we are SO LAZy was because she never had the time to teach us to be hardworking. good thing ate edlyn came to our lives and at least taught us how to do laundry. at least she taught me how fun it was to clean the pigpen and bathe the dogs! well, if it weren't for my next-door-playmates who taught us how tag and hide-and-seek works then imagine what kind of boring and disconsolated life i would have...

and the movies, if it weren't for the movies, i don't think I'll ever develop any talent. well the only reason why im actually good at speaking and writing was because i watch a lot of movies! i don't remember her teaching me anything at all...well maybe she taught me how to speak vernacular or walk or remember names...but does that even count without any outlets? does knowing how to talk even matter if you don't have people to talk to? does walking count if you're just stuck in your stupid house? i mean hello!! I would have been autistic by now if it weren't for the next-door kids and my cousin erika...

fun was never in her vocabulary!!! well, okay, maybe a little...i do remember her taking us when i think when i was in 1st grade to humabayon every afternoon after her work and she does put stuff on my stockings every christmas...but those were when i was still a kid. but how about know? the only times when i appreciate her is when she doesn't hold me back from being me, letting me do what i love and she doesn't push me beyond my limits like other parents. in those terms, i think she's cool but other than that, i don't know...
well, she gives me all the necessities and so much more than that but what i don't get is why she points her finger at us when it's not really our fault that we don't know the know-hows of making bed, cooking and all those stupid household chores that other kids, she says do! well, if she had taught us earlier and not when i entered high-school maybe now, i can already cook my own breakfast, wash my clothes and not just my underwear and clean my own room!

that's what i hate about her. she thinks everything's okay when actually it's all the exact opposite. she doesn't know anything about me. all she knows is that im extremely emotianlly unstable and that i always throw temper tantrums...that's not even a good side! that's the problem with all mothers in the world, they don't know who their kids really are...they pretend to understand us when they don't even know what the hell we really want! they say nobody's perfect...true...she's not perfect and i respect her for that...but im not perfect either and that's what she needs to understand.

im absolutely sick of waking every stupid day knowing what's gonna happen next. i want spontaneity in my life but all it's becoming is routinary. when i wake up, i go straight to the computer to check my story status. after that, i eat breakfast and then i watch tv until lunch. then i have siesta and watch tv again when i wake up until dinner, watch tv again and then sleep...do you see how boring it is? im tired and sick of daydreaming of having a wonderful life which i know will probably not gonna happen...sometimes i wish i was someone else or i had another life...when i watch other people i can't help but wonder what it feels like to have their life. im sick but everyone thinks im okay.

well im not and i was never okay with my parents, my friends,my sister my life and especially myself. i don't know who i am or what i want. and while im writing this entry, i guess all that i'll ever be is what i always write. unreal, surreal and unoriginal....

hmm..my family (this is so ironic)

hmm...the date isn't actually today...well we had the costume party some time in late march..but whatever. doesn't really matter. well, we had a lot of fun today even though like we had this hufe fight with my sister over my ipod. great, my whole new gadget lasted exactly one week and six days...and is now being shipped to singapore for replacement.

well, im over it now. im actually happy just writing my guts out. well, last night was amazing because i actually managed to finished the sixth chapter of my ficcie novel and write another one-shot! don't you think that's a lot of inspiration. well...that's the main reason why im updating ryt now. well, i wanna tell the story about what happend during our juvenile (not in a bad way though) costume party. it's pretty amazing how close me and my cousins are bonded to each other. i mean right after that party, i started hanging out a lot with them more often. well at frst, i was out of place because most of them are like 5-12 years old and im 15. but it's pretty awesome how easy it was to reach out to them.'

i was dressed as the devil that day and my sister as the (duh!) fictitious fiancee of prince william..like that will ever happen. my other cousins were dressed as superheroes, one wore a tigger costume, klyde was dressed as chifu in mulan and erika, aya and kaye dressed as the sanggres of encantadia. my little cousins dressed as princesses and chaz, the bday boy was dressed as robin. his older sister, shana wore a batgirl costume while their parents, uncle gary wore the batman costume and auntie farah was the catgirl. auntie isalee was like the fairy queen or something and auntie vawnette was pocahontas. we had a lot fun and we ate a lot. then we had this dance competition and ate dirty ice cream outside where we featued as the main attraction.but i think it's one coat of arms of our family to love attention so we went in the center of the plaza or park and had our pictorial. imagine these bunch of people looking at us! they must think we're really crazy. but we are...

then like one week after, that klyde had his bday and we went swimming in humbayon. it was where we met these really strange australians who look more like badjaos. we played tag on water and then played uno cards when we got tired. when we went home, we proceeded to the plaza again to have our night picnic.

note: it's become a family tradition to have a picnic in the plaza at night when one of us is celebrating a bday or sumting. oh and we have this cool family council where im the self-proclaimed vice president. haha!

we ate ice cream again,which probably is our favorite dessert above all. then we played homebase and hide and seek and then tag. what i hated about it was that it took me this long to realize how fun it was to be a kid again and my cousins just showed me that no matter how old we become, we could still go have barbeque parties in the middle of the night and play hide and seek afterwards. it was fun and it made me realized how i love my family and how im proud that i was one of them.

also, my little crazy cousins helped me get over the fact i was a hopeless romantic and that i don't have to daydream about it to be happy because i realized when i was playing with them that i was much more happy being with them than being with him. and thanks to that, i finally learned to let go of that stupid pedagogic lovelife crap which i didn't know was holding me back from a lot of things. well know, i am inspired and i write a lot...it's because of my family that i write love stories. it's because im happy being with them that i have learned to be happy with who i am. it was because of their silliness that i realized that i'll always love being a kid.

i love my family, especially my cousins. and i don't think that no one, not even the hunkiest guy in the planet or the coolest group of friends could ever change that. That i swear to my father's grave (may he rest in peace).

defining me...

well a lot of people see me as exuberant, jolly and childish...pero i sort of see myself as the opposite...short-tempered, serious and sa tingin ko nman, matured...well..if being matured includes knowing where to place yourself, knowing how the real world works and learning how to stand up for yourself..then i am definitely matured. hehe...pero im really not that serious because i know how to joke and when to do just that, ill-tempered lng nga talaga me pero im not hard to please nman din eh..hehe...bilhan mo lang ako ng gift eh cgurado friends tau ulit! Nyahahaha! Jowks...

certified anime adik...di ko na ulit gagamitin ang otaku kase from what i've learned from real otakus, handang silang ibuwis ang kanilang buhay for their passion! pero..fan lang talaga me...usually, iyong mga anime na gusto ko involves fervent love stories talaga..yung di ka makakatulog sa kaiisip kung anong next na mangyayari...RK talaga fave anime ko, kahit si Kenshin na ang pinakamanhid na anime bishounen na alam ko, he makes things work out pa rin kase sha rin ang pinakamabait at pinakagentleman. hehe...hilig ko rin yung mga ecchi na anime...yung prang may konteng sexual themes gaya ng ranma, fushigi yuugi, onegai sensei at love hina. shempre, would i ever forget hentai? well, im not afraid to announce to the world that i am a huge hentai fan! don't just judge us hentai lovers because we're not all "go have sex already!", we also look forward to the love story behind the undressing and the ACTION part. And don't ever confuse us as sex maniacs because hentai is an art as sex is an art...so we're not like pornographers or something. and just because i love hentai doesn't mean im planning to try it...nuh uh...im very self-conscious when it comes to education so im backing myself off from the whole sex thing idea...im not stupid anyway and i don't want to ruin the great life ahead of me...

oh and aside from that, i write hentai stories and fanfictions (stories about anime)...and things about crazy people and crazy stuffs. i'm usually a loner and it's one of my mottos than being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely because some people find the greatest company in themselves and i so happen to be one of those people. i know i don't need anyone to complete me because im already whole with my friends and my family. im single and proud and i'm not wasting my time anymore on the whole pedagogic lovelife bull. but of course, im not depriving myself of that need because it's basically a human necessity to have someone to love, but right now, the chances of me attempting to enter that stage again are nill. I mean, whatever. If he comes, he will but if he doesn't, so be it! It's not like having a boyfriend is a social law or something...well, in some ways, it is but i'm not going to prison if i don't follow that crap, am I? <

well enough about that stupid bullshit. speaking of bullshit, i know some people or basically the prim and proper world don't think that profanities are something that we should use or they're not totally cool. well fuck them! i think profanities are excellent ways to free yourself from anger...and i admit i like using them even if people will think i'm rude or vulgar. but i don't do signs. it's too crude for me...but whatever, we all have different ways of expressing our anger right? and no one can ever blame me if i tell a person to fuck off if he's bugging me or hold me back from writing spiteful things about that person! well,ive had an experience when a fellow writer e-mailed me, flamed all my stories and told me right smack-dab to my comuter screen that i have no right to be a writer! Imagine how i cursed her and wrote a story about her and posted it on ff.net for everyone to read! well, other writers shared my sentiments but others don't just get it. everyone has the right to write whatever she or he feels like...it doesn't matter if there are a lot of grammar mistakes and mispelled words because all that counts is that message you want to convey and how SENSIBLE and SELFLESS the message is.

pardon me if im using tagalog and english...i'm not used lang kase writing things about myself kaya i don't know if i should be serious or not. well, here's a hint. i use tagalog if the topic is light and i use english if im really serious about what i'm writing. oh and if you wonder why i write in such a gothic way it's because i consider myself partially gothic and partially girly. i love pink as much as i love being a punk, i love pop as much as i love ska and i love mandy moore as much as i love avril lavigne. weird right? but either way, i'm not pretending to like both because every person has two sides. i just happen to be both sides simultaneously. well, that's all to

oh i almost forgot. everybody says i have weird tastes. well just because i lyk rainier castillo and not some stupid hunk like paolo paraiso doesn't make me strange. and just because i watch encantadia or majika instead of the OC or ONT doesn't make me cheap. each of us have different gustoes and i don't really care if people think i'm weird or cheap because i'm happy just the way i am. i know i'm not very rich, not really beautiful and was not blessed with a slim physique...at least i'm not stupid and i care about people. and besides according to my idol, Pink, "doing good feels better than looking good" she said n the stupid girls mav. basta...that's me and i hope u leave a message...lav yah!

testin

testin'...my third blog...*laughs*