Sadness

I have never been this sad since a long, long time ago. I've been sad of course many, many times but this one's a real downer. It's overwhelming enough to compel me to write in this blog that I have been abandoning for months.

I am sad because of my friends. I am trying ways to extend my patience whenever they get under my skin but sometimes, they just go too far.

First friend: The people I hate the most are those who can't think of anybody else but themselves. People are allowed pride but too much of it makes them hateful. I have tried understanding but I just don't get why they can't see that there are somethings they suck at. Why can't you admit that you're not that smart, that you're not much of a writer than what you actually credit yourself to be? Why can't you accept that you're not perfect? I am tired of tolerating your arrogance just because you have gone through so many painful experiences? Nothing gives you an excuse to deliberately place yourself above people who are better than you. I love you but sometimes you just annoy me too much.

Second friend: Damn your fucking tantrum fits to hell! I understand because I know how it feels to be angry but why can't you talk it out? Why do you close up your world? WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING INSECURE!! If I had your beauty and your body and your height, BELIEVE ME, I'd be happy with my life. Why can't you believe that you're good enough? That you have what it takes? Why do you let other people who you know are inferior to you overshadow you? You are a fucking coward. SOmetimes, I just want to bang your head up against a wall so you'd wake up!

Third friend: I have talked about you unhygeinic habits enough. I'm glad I'm seeing you change but can't you clean up for once?

Fourth friend: I hope you know how furious I am to not even hear a single "I'm sorry" for borrowing my stuff and returning them broken. It would have been okay if you actually apologized but no! You just gave me lame excuses how it wasn't your fault and you didn't know how it happened..I don't give a shit! Now my whole weekend is ruined because you broke the only thing that gives my life a little sembalnce of fun!

**GAAAAH!! I have finally let it out! I wanna scream so bad! *sighs*

The Thing Called Art

I've always wanted to draw. I was in second grade when I realized I didn't have the talent. I didn't even know how to do margins right, let alone actually sketch something. I was a messy kid. And that showed in my drawings. There were lines everywhere,the colors weren't right, and the whole picture was just a mess. I remember getting really envious seeing how neat my classmates' works were compared to mine. I had a best friend then and is still a friend now. It was when I saw his drawing that I realized I was drawn to art. I needed to learn it.

And I did. Thanks to a flower and a flower pot.

We were doing some sketches then. My best friend was pretty good in drawing and I remember stealing glances at his work. I was amazed. He drew a beautiful pink flower in a black flower pot. And for some reason, I couldn't forget about it and started to copy it. Again and again. I wouldn't stop until I got the same picture. It was summer. And all I did was draw that flower. My work came close to his but then I realized that I needed to draw something on my own. I had a lot of storybooks and I'd draw the pictures in them. Eventually, I got good at copying. But then that was the only thing I learned. Copying.

I never really learned to draw something out just by imagining them. I've tried countless times but I'm just not an artist. I know that. I've come to terms that drawing is not just my talent and even though it isn't, at least I know how to appreciate other people's work. I love art. I don't know why but I do. Just seeing how the colors harmonize, how they deliberately come close to the real thing just takes my breath away. It's just beautiful genius.

I've always wanted to be friends with artists. Because I think they have depth and understanding. Because they know the secrets of the world and aren't afraid to put it into canvas.

Well, anyway. Here are some artworks by a fellow Carolignian named Apple Natasha (?) I-forgot-her-last-name. It's mixed-media so she used a lot of stuff. They're just so provocative and beautiful. They're for sale at the price of 4,000. Personally, I think the price should be higher. Damn. I was like staring at each of them for 15 minutes each. I couldn't get over it. They were just so expressive, so creative, so intelligent. If I had the money, I'd have bought them all and took 'em home.



This one's my favorite. I forgot the title but it's in Cebuano. I love how those waves collide with the rock. It's as if I could almost hear the point of collision. The splashes. Waves. Just looking at those monochromatic blues and whites and browns made me feel like I was there, standing on that rock. I could almost feel the sea. It's so magical.

This one's my second favorite. It's titled "Uneducated". The piece was bordered with broken pencils forming the alphabet and at the center was a bio data, another broken pencil and some sort of diploma. The bio-data is torn and reveals a piece of paper with 'Juan de la Cruz, Grade 1' written on it. It just struck me. She hit the bullseye. it makes you feel disgusted, sad, angry that most Filipinos aren't really learned and that sucks because suddenly, we're famous all over the world for being stupid and incompetent.

This one, entitled "Sekreto ni Nene", scared me. Ugh. It gives me goosebumps.