i am glad yesterday happened.everything turned out beautifully except in the morning where i crammed out all over the place. friday night was a bleak total disaster. my head was coming right off. im just glad mardi had the joke that totally blew me away. culminating program was just okay. it wasn't the best but i was glad everything turned out all right at the end. at first, i was really pissed off at earl because he kept changing his mind out being our piyaya guanio.but i was really glad there was someone else who took his place. hail to joaquin carlos b. sydiongco who lives to prove he is braver than any guy there is.everybody had a good laugh, we had too so hmm...okay.

next part where we had cat formation...my blood boiled to its limit. i was fuckin tired and michelle who so happened to be our co-commandant decided to perform her newly-found sanctions on us which i didn'think was bad but then i really lost my head. hmmn...i almost puked in front of mark because she made us carry those heavy truckload of rubbish. but i was happy because i was able to be with mark...problem is...carrying a huge can of garbage with your crush isn't exactly my own idea of romance. but *shrugs* maybe it's romantic because it isn't. well, anyhow...i went home with the urge to pull out michelle's curls because i was really angry..but when i talked to her later in the day...i guess i just misunderstood her...

yesterday afternoon was also our career guidance session where we had tita au.au (raffy's mom) as our speaker. she talked about the challenges and fascinations about medical school and how the philippines would have a shortage of doctors if students continue becoming nurses.good point there. well, the nice thing about it was i enjoyed it. well, next we had a ssg meeting with the pta officers. it was creepy but it turned out rather hhmmm...meaningful..

anyhow, im glad yesterday was over. but there was something more meaningful than those things. i got my inspiration back. thanks to mark...he looked really hot in that yellow-blue sweatshirt of his...hmm...that's nice...

what a day

today i have a lot of things to write.

first: i woke up this morning thinking the rest of the rest of the day might go bad. i was just thankful we had shortened schedule so that our 2 periods in physics would be cut off in two. then it would lessen the chances of mr. q. giving us another round of shouting fits which we noticed were getting frequent by the day. but actually, both periods turned out okay. we had an excursion which i enjoyed and we discussed it after, which i enjoyed as well. he was smiling and all of us were smiling. how i wished back then it would be just like that every day. that way, no one gets hurt or angry.

second: i was really pissed off when i heard there was gonna be an honors assembly because i thought and i thought i was sure i wasn't going to get any of those merit cards they were giving out this year. so i sat at the back with my friends, thinking how they would get a lot of those little cards while i will just be sitting, clapping for them. it doesn't really matter to me because i know im happy for them. but what happpened was the exact opposite. i know deep within myself that no matter how hard i try to deny that i don't want to be in the honor roll...it's just won't happen because a much bigger part of me will always wish for that privilege. so when i got called for the academic achievers, i felt i wanted to scream and thank God and go crazy. i never thought i'd get any because i failed in the science and math ao qt which was a big deal because they were major academic subjects. when i went back to my seat, i was thankful enough and didn't expect more but guess what? my name was called again for the honor list. i never thought i'd get in! and i ranked 9th which wasn't so bad considering the grades i had....i felt like i could cry out of ecstasy. and then when i saw hanie...i started feeling sad because she didn't get any. i don't wanna be happy while she pains inside. i know it must have hurt to have your name not called when you know you deserve to be in that list. if only i wasn't so afraid to tell her she didn't need those little cards to prove how intelligent she was. oh well. but generally, i couldn't really be any happier.

third: we had a really wonderful session in the ssg today.im not suppose to tell this but ill tell it anyway. but just the jist.well we had an open forum where we were allowed to say our resentments towards each other and let it out to that person. the president started and told us how he changed because of us. i wanted to object right then and there but i knew if i did, there'd be more misunderstanding. then mark amazed me with his bravery. it was the time where i could really say that he was a hundred and one percent man. a lot of people cried, i cried. hmmmn...i guess the ssg could make you do things you never thought you would do.

*sighs* well those three made my day expect the lame kalesa practice we had. ugh! our adviser is killing me! and i just wanted to snatch her white sandals and slash the heels off. they look very horrid with her yellow dress. well anyway, enough of that blabber. people have strong points and weak points. but sometimes, people have to learn to accept and respect the things that's not really their stuff. well, that's all i can write for now. 'till next time...toodles...

god i just wanna scream how i hate the world

yey! we won the impersonation contest! im so proud but i didn't like the fact the our own adviser wasn't even there to see us win. she hasn't really been much of an adviser...all she does is tell us to clean and clean and then asks us these weird random questions. well whatever. actually i like her when she's not teaching, when she's just being herself or singing with us while we wipe wax on the floors. that is the ms. loro i like because she acts like our age. however, i totally despise her when starts teaching. actually i don't blame her. i blame the fairy godmother or whoever assigned a new teacher to teach the seniors, especially that we're graduating.didn't it ever occured to these old people that we need someone already used with the curriculum to the handle the class? and what is with these stupid grading system? they say the changed it to give everyone a chance to become an honor student! fuck! what's happening right now is the opposite. all the honor student potentials all have flunking grades in quarterly test~ YES the fucking QUARTERLY TESTS. and what's more shit is that they're holding this stupid honors assembly where they give out fuckin certificates. im not insecured because i know im not going to receive one...my issue is WHY NOW? WHY US? we've been through hell with MR. quinones already and now mr. pacayra won't even talk to us. ms. loro's class sucks all my love i have for english and other teachers are just ghh! i don't know! im starting to hate school which is pretty extreme for me because i love school. and i love my teachers and my classmates. but right now, it's just hate. i hate em all. i hate the teachers who hate us and i hate going to school. oh and i won't 4get to say how hurt i was when mr. q who i though was my favorite teacher called the whole class DUMB FOUR times. i felt like i just wanted to stand up and say everything was his fault because he expected more than what we could give. we are not einteins who could get why we need to have this force to act on this body in a fraction of a second. and we are not a heap of stupid children who need shouts to understand. if he just delivered the lesson calmly and not shout then maybe we could understand. and now he has guts to wonder why students are fuckin afraid of him.

he said hate is such a strong word yet he stirs it up in every inch of us. he should learn that even young people could carry emotions that only the devil could feel. he's showing us hell and he's teaching me to hate him. i don't want to because i still think we have a connection beyond a student-teacher relationship. if i met him in a different circumstance, im sure he'd have been my best friend. i don't wanna hate anyone but the real world requires that. a lot of people say love makes the world go round. i guess love got sick and asked hate to do the job.

ah shit

my life is beginning to get fucked up like hell. for one second i thought i could do these things and the next im stumbling out of control. im missing out a lot and i just had a failing mark in math which was surprise for me because i thought i understood what mr. pacayra was saying and when i solved the items, they seemed pretty solvable....i mean i can't even talk without people reprimanding me to shut up and the teachers suddenly have all these stupid shouting fits that they throw without a real reason. i mean students do not learn that way...the more they shout at us, the more stupid we become....i never wished nor hoped i would ever come near a point where i would hate school...because normallly...i do not spend a lot of time hating because i believe life is too fuckin short for that. we do not live by cursing but yes i fucking use all these fuckin profanities because its the only outlet i see...everything is starting to drain away...my inspiration is gone...i can't even write shit...im loosing everything that i have and people don't even see that. i try so fuckin hard to be someone that everyone will appreciate but now i realize that will be a waste of my time because people will always notice mistakes. im tired and im sick. and people don't even care. they tell me to be myself and when i do they tell me to change. the devil! and to think they tell you not to hate. because hate is such a strong word because hate is the devil...well i HATE the world...i hate the PEOPLE in it and I HATE myself....i used to be someone optimistic but i don;t think the world works that way...people die other people live...everything's just unfair...u can;t expect to be resilient anymore..people don't have that fuckin oppurtunity anymore...we gonna grab everything that's pushed up in our face....