What's new? My heart's still broken. It breaks every day. Some days worse than others.
Does he know that?
I tell him. But he ends up crushing it even more.
How do you get up in the morning?
With prayer.
Are you happy?
Yes.
Yes.
Really?
Reality is positive. It's a challenge sometimes, but we all try to live with what we've been given.
You're getting old.
Yes, I am.
What are you doing with your life?
I am simply living. What's wrong with that?
How can you say you're happy?
I'm alive. I have people who love me. I have a job that fulfills me. God has blessed me with His grace. What's not to be happy about?
Then why do you feel like you're dying?
Because I can't have what I want. We suffer when we can't have what we want.
What do you want?
Him.
Why?
Because I love him. What a stupid question.
Why do you love him?
Why is the sky blue? Why do giraffes have long necks? Why does the rain fall harder in one place and doesn't fall at all in another? Why is the moon beautiful? It's one of those questions that really don't have an answer. You just know it's true.
Then fall in love with someone else.
I tried. But the affection is too deep. It'll take a one-way trip to a faraway country.
Wasn't that your plan anyway since you were a girl? To be far away from here?
Yes, but he taught me that it doesn't matter where you are. You only need a desire to broaden your reason.
So now you don't want to go?
No, I want to. I want to desperately. Both as an escape and to fulfill that dream. He did say to distance myself if it becomes unbearable. And well, it is becoming unbearable.
How unbearable?
Let's just say that when I'm alone with my thoughts, I end up crying until my heart feels like a crumpled balloon.
Aren't you tired?
Sometimes I'm so tired I can't even cry.
How about now?
I feel like jumping off a building.
Why don't you?
This manuscript's deadline is tomorrow. And I need to be in two weddings. I can't die.
You're just being hormonal.
No. I'm being a woman.
What's your birthday wish?
I want to go away. Far from here. Where no one knows me. To start fresh.
Isn't that running away?
Yes. I want to run away.
Then why are you still there?
Why are you still there?
Why are you still there?
Why are you still there?
Reality is positive. It's a challenge sometimes, but we all try to live with what we've been given.
You're getting old.
Yes, I am.
What are you doing with your life?
I am simply living. What's wrong with that?
How can you say you're happy?
I'm alive. I have people who love me. I have a job that fulfills me. God has blessed me with His grace. What's not to be happy about?
Then why do you feel like you're dying?
Because I can't have what I want. We suffer when we can't have what we want.
What do you want?
Him.
Why?
Because I love him. What a stupid question.
Why do you love him?
Why is the sky blue? Why do giraffes have long necks? Why does the rain fall harder in one place and doesn't fall at all in another? Why is the moon beautiful? It's one of those questions that really don't have an answer. You just know it's true.
Then fall in love with someone else.
I tried. But the affection is too deep. It'll take a one-way trip to a faraway country.
Wasn't that your plan anyway since you were a girl? To be far away from here?
Yes, but he taught me that it doesn't matter where you are. You only need a desire to broaden your reason.
So now you don't want to go?
No, I want to. I want to desperately. Both as an escape and to fulfill that dream. He did say to distance myself if it becomes unbearable. And well, it is becoming unbearable.
How unbearable?
Let's just say that when I'm alone with my thoughts, I end up crying until my heart feels like a crumpled balloon.
Aren't you tired?
Sometimes I'm so tired I can't even cry.
How about now?
I feel like jumping off a building.
Why don't you?
This manuscript's deadline is tomorrow. And I need to be in two weddings. I can't die.
You're just being hormonal.
No. I'm being a woman.
What's your birthday wish?
I want to go away. Far from here. Where no one knows me. To start fresh.
Isn't that running away?
Yes. I want to run away.
Then why are you still there?
Why are you still there?
Why are you still there?
Why are you still there?
