Graduation blues?

I just got my inspiration back. I really want to believe what Erma Cuizon said about the "just write" antidote to writer's block but when you can't write, you just can't. The funny thing is that I seem to have more inspiration here than I do in Cebu. Maybe because when I'm home, I get the feeling that there's nothing to worry about (though there are [i.e. write-up about Jonathan, PAGES articles]).

I'm graduating soon. Yes, I am very excited but I am equally nervous at the same time. The sooner it gets the more questions pops in my head like Am I going to be unemployed? How am I going to support myself? What do I really want to do? Finding out that I don't really have answers to these questions is scary as hell. I have options but gah I don't know!!!

Option 1: Take Masters at the University and teach.

*This is good but I want to study at a totally different environment. Though I'm not saying that the collegiate training at USC is inadequate, I believe that I'll grow even more as a scholar, more importantly as a person, when I get a chance to discover the world in a different place. I really want to go study at a University in America or Europe. I've been looking for Scholarships or scholarship grants, I've been looking up TOEFL and how to get you TORs credited. Somehow along the way though, I get lost among these schools and I revert back into a shell of doubt, forever unsure whether or not I am good enough to do these things.

Option 2: Work immediately.

I still do have that letter from Proctor and Gamble and I'm kind of sure that I'll graduate Magna Cumlaude at the very least. I think a lot of companies will want to take me as maybe their HR manager or PR or what the hell, their receptionist. I don't care as long as the pay's good enough for me to pay rent and buy food. Then there is that ESL fad among fresh graduates but I really don't want to sit all day long facing a computer and pretending I'm teaching a real student. When I do teach, I want it to be in a traditional four-walled classroom where I can personally interact with my students.

Option 3: Rest for a while.

I don't like how this sounds. This takes me back to PE13 class where Mrs. Coscos said that "when you rest, you rust". I don't want to rust. I don't want to waste time either. I don't want to burden my parents any more than I already am and should. I don't think my massive pride will let that label 'tambay' come near within ten yards of myself. Furthermore, I'm sure it will be incredibly embarrassing when people ask "Where do you work?" and all I can tell them is "Not yet" or "I'm still weighing options". I'm not the kind of person who has to take time to weigh options.

Option 4: Call Center

A desperate measure. I don't want to think that I don't want to work in call centers because people attach bad connotations with it but I do. I care about what people think. I will care when they twist their faces into disappointed looks when I tell them "I work at Qualfone or Convergys". Hell! I am a graduate of San Carlos! I am Magnacumlaude!

Okay, so these are my options so far. Lord, it makes my heart race knowing I'd have to decide which one of them I'll take soon. Soon is two weeks. Two f**king weeks! I can hear the graduation march now. I can feel it coming. God help me!