Sick

I'm sick again.

I have a bad cold and I'm starting to cough like a shotgun. These days I don't feel like doing anything (insert Bruno Mars song). Seriously, I'm so lazy all I do is sleep and eat and watch TV in between. I haven't even finished A Time to Kill yet and I've been reading it for almost a week now. I just get tired after I finish a chapter. Ugh. It's like my brain's giving up on me. I can't even write a decent blog update for crying out loud! Is this the result of continuously using it for half my life? Has it run out? Oh, I can even feel a headache coming.

It's not helping that I still can't get over that horrible job interview. I still don't understand why my interviewer had to give me a snotty I'm-smarter-than-you attitude. I mean I know that! If she weren't smarter than me, she wouldn't be interviewing me! I know she's the boss and she didn't have to take pains slapping me hard in the face with that fact. Was she mad that I sounded so confident about the exam which turned out I "just" passed? Did she think I was being arrogant when I told her I graduated magna cum laude or that I have several experiences being an editor? And if she did, I was only only telling her my qualifications and it wasn't my intention at all to brag. Or was she intimidated because I was so qualified and she knows I could snatch her job from her from right under her nose?

I've had people telling me to keep my feet on the ground. And my feet has never left the ground since 3rd grade. I've learned since that people don't like braggarts and people who think they're all that. I don't think I've ever bragged about how smart I am because honestly, I don't think of myself high enough for that. I have insecurities and those get in the way of me ever being proud enough to tell people that I'm smarter than them and that they should treat me with more respect. Sure I know I'm better than average but I've never rubbed that fact in other people's faces.

After that, I just lost that feeling of looking forward to a new experience. It's now been replaced by a cloud of doubt that I know will take long to disintegrate. Look at me. I'm wasting away and I don't even care.

I just hope things get better in their own time.